Recently I have started Cycling to the MRT again. It could be the December weather, making for a more pleasant, windy, less smog-ridden ride (not that Singapore is ever that smoggy), or the fact that I had been seeing/hearing/reading about the benefits of Cycling again from the most unlikely places (eg when I meet healthy-looking, vigorous, clear-skinned people from Cycling associations or interest groups, or when I read about the higher workout of Cycling compared to Basketball, burning the stress away in a Robin Cook book, or when I lay in bed a night trying to sleep but feel this 'stuck' feeling in my chest). Anyway, I finally found the time to wheel my bike to the nearest petrol station and got the tires inflated again as they got flat sitting at a bike rack for too Long, and now the ride is incredibly smooth and bouncy.
Anyway, one day I had brought my toddler girl on a ride with me in the early morning to exercise, and I decided on a whim to try another route back. I have been rather unhappy with my route to MRT as it is all along roads which have moderate to heavy traffic, and the ride back is especially bad when I come back feeling like my nasal passages and face are covered in grime. I had been hoping to find a shortcut that would cut through HDB estates more, to bring me away from traffic, since lining the paths with man-height bushes to keep pollution at Bay seems not to be a priority amongst the government agencies involved. This time, I decided to try another route back, going along a PCN that runs along the MRT viaduct, even though the last time I tried it, I got hopelessly lost and it took me much longer to get back. To my surprise, I found that it was relatively easy to cycle back on this new route, and though half the journey is still along a major road, it doesn't feel that bad (may be the weather and time of year, may be the airflow in that area due to its layout and design), and half of the route is along this very pleasant wide PCN that is next to gardens, trees and residential estates. Dream!!! I am much happier now using this route and last night and this morning, when I was feeling rather burdened from some happenings at work (seem to be a common occurrence nowadays), I found the wide open expanse, the clean air and the autonomy of moving swiftly on a bike and exercising my body, invigorating. And I played Justin Bieber's Love Yourself song on my phone as I rode and calmed myself somewhat. This is something I hope to impart to my kids in the future - the ability to swim and cycle.
That got me thinking - you see, life's problems at work are often about getting recognition and respect from bosses, peers, getting ahead in life, but then, I am already quite comfortable where I am (I concluded from observing my Dir that I'm not ready to be a Dir, not at least for a Long Loong time) and I am earning a good salary. Why do I try so hard? Why am I so bothered when I don't appear to live up to my own expectations of performance? I should always try my best, and if it isn't enough, if I care simply about my trade and doing it well for the benefit of Singaporeans all over, and about God and winning His approval, I should know my failings, want to do better, but not feel so beat up about it, you know? And if the things that bring me joy are things like taking a bike ride at the start or end of the day, feeling lithe and limber as I park my bike (I am aware of how sporty and girl-next-door I look in my sports cap and sports gear) and walk into Tampines Hub looking for a nice cafe for breakfast, thanking God for my healthy body, my slimness, my ability to get around... being with my kids and enjoying them... planning and cooking a nice meal for my friends, family, tidying and putting things in order in the home... watching the occasional movie in the theatre which is such a treat... curling up in bed with excitement as my Husband loads the latest TV series we are watching cos the kids are fast asleep.... laughing with my friends over some joke, well, actually a lot of these things don't cost me much. So do I need to kill myself at work climbing further? I don't. I should do my job well (that seems to be in jeapordy here, but I can always say I'm still learning) and not try to do my boss' job (which I feel I am constantly trying to do, it's like a personal challenge to myself, an unconscious thing I do almost). Sigh need to keep a rein in on my emotions. I know my weaknesses here are - not being able to articulate the benefits of what we are proposing to the bosses in a way that makes it easy for them to agree, not being able to respond to my staff disagreeing or undermining what I say in a clever and uncombative way, and also having all the history of things at my fingertips, to respond very quickly to questions fired by bosses over WhatsApp or meetings, and having a poker face when I am asked something I don't know offhand or being challenged about our previous position and I am too easily swayed by new arguments and can't remember why we did what we need. Also need to develop some Armour to when l am being criticised and learn how to diffuse the temper of the person. I Guess these are things I will work on this coming year. Will see if I manage to make any improvements at the end of the year!
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