Was gripped by a sudden sense of isolation the other day - when my husband was overseas and I had been busy with work and kids. Suddenly felt like it had been a long time since I connected with anyone who really cared about me and who was interested in what's going on in my life. It didn't help that the other day I had just read some article called 'the best advice received by Bill Gates' or 'the best advice given by Warren Buffet' and it was that we should cherish and cultivate friendships because at the end of the day, that is what makes us feel our life was well-lived. That really struck a chord in me, cos I had been so consumed with juggling PSLE this year for my eldest, combined with a second kid who suddenly slipped into what seemed like mild depression or extreme OCD-ism (he would stare into space for really long and do everything really slowly like eating, his homework, showering, brushing teeth, washing hands over and over again), and my third who needs a lot of nagging and reminders to do work, has bad posture and who is weak in Chinese and Math, that I had totally neglected my friends. I felt like nobody asked about me, I could chat on a heart-to-heart level with nobody, and yes, even my husband seems preoccupied in his own world all the time. Even my colleagues at work don't ask me out to lunch, but it could be a function of me being too senior.
So I was lamenting my own state and feeling really sorry for myself, and texting my husband about it, when he said 'do something about it la' and I went into a flurry of texts. Ok I just sent out 1 text to an old Christian friend of mine, and another to 2 ex-colleagues who are also working mums and with whom I meet up with for wonderfully long lunches once in a while.
To my surprise my friend replied that night and after some to and fro, we fixed a dinner 2 weeks from now on a Sun night. The next day my friends replied and we are fixing a future meal together. Then today during church, as the pastor was praying, I had the strong sense from the Holy Spirit (the topic was on the Holy Spirit) that some of my colleagues (the branch heads) would really love a lunch and hang out with me. Just that at my level, I have to initiate, or to ask. I also don't want them to feel I play favourites, so... But that impression was there, so I'm going to follow up on that. I also have this lunch with these 2 working level ladies with whom we are sure to have a good time, to arrange. I should also schedule a lunch with my Dirs again at some point maybe after HREC where I always seem to need to download some stuff... And the thought even crossed my mind to lunch with my old lunch buddies, except one of them is now stationed off-site... Looks like I should have no lack of lunch companions, if I'm just a bit thick-skinned about it, and proactive too. Who knows, maybe some of them will become my good friends. I can only hope and imagine...
Oh and I'm supposed to arrange to go church with these 2 colleagues of mine too, one a new convert who may be a bit shaky on church attendance, and another who has definitely not been attending church. Maybe the Easter service :)
So there. This is my long-winded way of saying, loneliness has to be overcome, as man was not made to be alone, and I can think of few things that cannot be tolerated with good friends (a bit like Harry Potter, whose steadfast friends Ron and Hermione helped him get through many an ordeal). And yet good friends, at this stage of our lives when we are past 40, are so hard to find and to form. I guess we need to make the effort, not stop making the effort even when it feels unnatural (I think my ex-CEO was very good at that, and yet see how much good he has created and left behind, though many things started awkwardly), and see what sticks naturally, like me and my 2 ex-colleagues who found such a natural affinity to one another we are still meeting up years after we left the same organisation!
Good friends are a blessing from God, and I have been praying for a soul mate (of the same gender) all my life, but have not found one. I pray and hope to find a few good friends, and a soul mate eventually... :)
