As I read the book I marvelled in the old but deep truths I had learnt when I was a youth reading "The Alchemist" - like how we often get a glimpse or a good idea of our truest deepest gifts early in life. Let me recall, I remember precious words like Guofeng commenting to me, one day, holding onto the MRT handles and swaying around dangerously, smiling in that wise, sagely and bumbly way of his, "You always seem to come up with the most apt words to describe something", and being young and reckless then, I smiled and laughed delightfully, and went on to the next thing. But oh, how I stored it down inside the depths of my heart and how it still nourishes me today to think of those words!!!
And when I was young, I naturally read voraciously, I would get lost in stories, in books, and try to recreate them. I almost did it unthinkingly. And time just flew as I wrote my short little stories, and I took such joy in them. I used to draw a lot too. And I remember the first time watching a Disney movie in a movie theatre - it was The Little Mermaid and from the first scene, the watery depths and moving images just held me spellbound. That people could draw and illustrate like that was so wondrous to me. I have somehow lost that desire to draw, but I know I can still draw better than most people.
And something which stunned me in the book was how giftedness was only one factor in discovering one's calling. Another one was your heritage. This is a quaint and somewhat unused word in Singapore. In modern, pragmatic, always-looking-forward Singapore, always on the cusp of new technology, whose people does not care too much about history. But from reading the Bible and seeing the lives of people, one cannot escape from the fact that lineage and your ancestry does play a part in your calling and destiny in life. I started wondering about what my ancestors may be like, and all I know is that my father's father was a successful businessman, who was also a really good painter. And somehow, almost all of his sons went into careers that involved drawing in one way or another - one became an electrician, another a designer, another a renovation contractor, etc etc. I remember drawing comics with my cousin when we were young as well, so maybe he has a bit of that too (I remember his He-man being unnaturally muscley).
I also loved the chapter "To an Audience of One". My Whatsapp profile message! It starts with this insightful and honest observation of human nature - how most of us, whether we are aware of it or not, do things with an eye to the approval of some audience or other. The question is not whether we have an audience but which audience we have. Living before an Audience of One transforms all our endeavours - "he doth it all comfortably though he meet with little encouragement from man, whereas an unbelieving heart would be discontented that he can find no acceptance, but all he doth is taken in the worst part.". This is why Christ-centred heroism does not need to be noticed or publicised. The greatest deeds are done before the Audience of One, and that is enough. Those who are seen and sung by the Audience of One can afford to be careless about lesser audiences. Another funny story from Winston Churchill, that beloved leader of mine: "I hear it said that leaders should keep their ears to the ground. All I can say is that the British nation will find it very hard to look up to the leaders who are detected in that somewhat ungainly posture." "Nothing is more dangerous... than to live in the temperamental atmosphere of a Gallup Poll - always feeling one's pulse and taking one's temperature".
Churchill was described by his friend as being "as impervious to atmosphere as a diver in his bell". Basically these people listened to their inner voice, were guided by something deeper, other than public opinion. How can the church, and we as Christians, hope to be a thermostat that transforms the mores of society rather than a wind vane that points wherever the wind is blowing? To truly be the salt and the light of this world, we must respond to this Other, and not the world.
And mind you, it is tiring to go against the stream, to go uphill. Far easier to float downstream, to slip and slide down... We need courage, bucketloads of it. We need grace and patience. We may get battered. Looked at funny. Misunderstood. Disliked. I recall my recent experiences of being looked down upon, viewed badly, and it feels really rotten. I felt myself feeling battle-weary and scarred after a day like that, and literally crawling into bed with a need to heal. And I realised, this was without me even taking a stand for God. This was me just living every day to the best of my ability. And it illuminated for me a story I read before, that this prayer warrior who changed a lot in the spiritual atmosphere, this pastor, used to lead a small group of women to pray daily. Wekk he would spend a lot of time after every prayer session to be alone with God, for God to minister to him, recharge him and heal his wounds. And he would be fresh for the battle the next day. I never really understood what battles those were - after all he was just praying. But after going through a few rough days, I began to have a feel. So when we live for God, we can expect to run up against the world, and we will need the recharging from God all the more, to keep on keeping on. I find this "turning a deaf ear" on the people around us quite helpful. If we are to pursue our calling. Cos it's going to be countercultural.
Another interesting truth - Jews were called to be set apart. When the Jews were in difficulties, they were distinctively Jews. When they were enjoying easy days and normal times, they were at the most danger of being assimilated. A mom in a prayer group recently told us that it was funny how the prayer groups in mission schools often had low attendance (well I pray we shall change that!) but the ones in the secular schools had the most fervent and blazing prayer groups. What does this tell me about my pursuit of my calling? I need to put myself deliberately in some hardship. In a way, that troublesome, exasperating verse "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance" suddenly makes a lot of sense! Or put it another way, we should greatly rejoice when we find ourselves encountering a trial, because we will get a chance to show our difference from the world, for our counter-culturalness to shine!
So to bring it all back to my calling. The book continues to say, apart from giftedness (use of words, drawing), heritage (drawing, maybe teaching? My mother was a teacher, and she was immensely patient), our own life opportunities. I guess that is where I need to consider my current station in life. The country I am born in - the blessed Jewel of Southeast Asia, the crossways of the world. That may play a part in my destiny as well. Why did God place me here, and not in some other country? Could it be to teach? I have also had the privilege to be pastored by Brent, who introduced me to missions, and I have always encountered God in a more real way when I am there in the mission field. I am enamoured with pastors like Bill Wilson, Keith Green, the heroic Christians who lived uncompromising, active, action-oriented lives. In the Bible, secretly, my favourite character when I was a young Christian was Peter - the reckless, straight-talking, shoot-his-mouth off, Peter. I also was drawn deeply in my heart to David, the man after God's own heart. The brave warrior whose faith was so pure at the start, and who was also so emotional about God and unabashed about his passion. I always found it easy to worship uninhibited, tuning out the world, and I feel that my own worship can lead others to worship more whole-heartedly too. I am passionate, animated, positive or cheery, and love to laugh. In fact I think I am quite good to seeing the humorous, lighter side of things and in narrating them to others later on, to bring some laughter to their lives. I also have this recklessness in me, this desire to be heroic and do great things for God. I desire to have a great impact for God. I love big battles. A sense of fighting for right to prevail. I may even take joy in being counter-cultural if I have a clear idea of what God is wanting me to do. In fact, trying to get my child through PSLE in a different way is like a challenge to which I want to rise to.
As I leader, I see myself leading a charge, inspiring people to heroics, or driving a team of sled dogs, all pulling together for the same goal, giving it their all.
Last but not least, is God's guidance. What is He telling me? Where is He leading me? I am rising higher and higher in my organisation. In fact, I have the distinctly uncomfortable feeling that I am now at a precipice where the edge is too narrow and I am falling off. Promoted beyond my capability, probably. Why did He give me this job when I was so happy where I was? Ah yes, I suddenly am drawn to the trials verse again, James 1:2-3. Perhaps that is why. To make me lean on Him again, go to Him. Draw near to Him. So He can display His glory in a greater way through me? Well I am willing. In fact I am puzzling right now about how I can glorify God in the PSLE year next year. It will be a first, and there are so few good examples of holy Christians, where God is totally victorious and glorified. O that You would glorify Yourself through me and my family!
And as for work, well, I find my heart leaping for joy whenever I consider this other verse: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving". It strips me of all my filthy, impure motives. Purifies my motives, making me clean as snow again. I feel cleaner before God when I continue to work hard amidst adversity, feeling unappreciated, unvalued, second-rate, or worse, treated as the runt of the litter (which is how I feel sometimes when I am, in the senior management team!). This is a very important lesson to impart to the working population at large.
Ok I got it. I am called to be an inspirational speaker. To inspire Christians and non-Christians alike to holy, higher living that pleases God.
