In case I forget what I've done during my maternity leave (people always think it's an extended holiday, but actually I find it quite busy leh, but of a different sort), here is a chronicle of today:
- 7am: Woke up to feed Caleb, changed his diaper; Jack awakened but my mom making him milk, so I gratefully went back to sleep
- 9am: Caleb fussing again, so I woke up and fed him, Jack running around (the energiser bunny is up!), but went back to sleep, stilling my guilty feelings at not playing with Jack and delegating it to the maid
- 11am: Woke up proper (woke up 2-3 times last night so needed the extra sleep), Jack playing quietly on the floor with the jigsaw puzzles I bought for him this past weekend from Harbourfront Centre (love that place) and some other toys. Changed up, packed the silver bag and got ready to go out with Caleb, so I can eat a leisurely brunch without having to rush back to breastfeed.
- 1230pm: Waited until Jack is being rocked in sarong for his afternoon nap before sneaking out with Caleb and stroller, the Straits Times and a library book. Felt a sense of liberty as I boarded the bus to Tampines Interchange and looked forward to an extended brunch at my favourite restaurant in Tampines, Kim Gary (precious time alone!). They sat me near the door, but I parked the stroller where I could see baby but away from the air-con vents, ordered a baked rice set, and read ST as baby slept. He woke up a short while later (he never sleeps long in the stroller, on his back) and stared wide-eyed in the stroller for a while, turning his head from side to side, as if not sure where he is. I crossed my fingers and ate nervously, wondering when he would start making noises and really cry which would mean I have to stop eating and pick him up. One of the consequences of having a baby is that extended periods of meal-eating are a luxury. Meals are often interrupted, and being a person not used to interrupting my meals, this has been a big change - but I guess that's what motherhood is all about.
- At some point, he started making fussing noises, so I breastfed him under the wrap, changed his diaper and he fell asleep again. I put him back in the stroller, and went back to eating, feeling a little smug at succeeding to be a modern mom for an afternoon, who can settle her baby calmly and efficiently while doing things she likes (who says quality of life has to suffer - much?). Now that I think of it, the past few times I've been in Kim Gary have not been that enjoyable or memorable because I left baby at home and always have to rush back after about an hour in case baby wakes up and cries. One of the pleasures of eating out in a nice restaurant is enjoying the ambience, which in my case is reading a good book and sipping my tea (they serve a mean iced milk tea), not just downing the food, and you need time to do that.
- Shortly after, as I was in the middle of reading about how China is meddling in the ASEAN body (wa such grown-up topics, such a change for my brain, which has been occupied so far with carrying a baby, feeding him, changing diapers of both, and playing games with Jack), he woke up again, and so I carried him while I finished eating. Then I paid and went over to Urban Write to hunt for a Christmas gift for a dear friend who insists on giving me gifts every year. I realised that saying I am not a "gifts" person does not cut it anymore, and being on maternity leave around end of the year, I went traipsing around in the hip and colourful stationery/gift store, knowing I'll have better luck there than in vivo the other day. As soon as I walked into the interior, pushing the stroller, I realised they had decorated the front part, stocking a set of Christmas gifts on 2 tables with a catalogue to help hapless shoppers like myself. I soon found a great gift - a necklace holder shaped like a tree. I always pick gifts that I myself would like, which I am not sure is always a good idea, but I can never make myself give someone something I myself wouldn't use. But this means I keep wondering if I should buy TWO of it. I mean, which girl has a good place to keep her necklaces - which? I rest my case. A good storage thing for necklaces is almost non-existent, resulting in me spending some part of my workday every day hunting for necklaces amidst the tangled maze and disentangling them before finding one I like, a waste of time and an unpleasant task. I was also tempted to get a cool-shaped booklight for myself, as it was going at a discount ($14 instead of $17.90), but then recalled why I never used booklights, as the light they shine is too focused and narrow on a part of the page to make for pleasurable reading. Then I bought a nice wrapping paper and got the store assistant to wrap it up for me, and feeling very "Christmassy" and "giving" ', I went out of the store and headed to the library.
- In the library, I managed to find a few parenting books (I am starting to feel like a clueless parent - Jack is increasingly bored at home, having seemingly lost interest in books and many of his toys) and a book for Jack (must still try), changed Caleb's diaper again as he cried the whole time (the thing about Caleb is - once he starts crying, he doesn't stop even when you are doing things to clean him or feed him, it's like his brain shuts down to all stimuli and is programmed to only stop when he is picked up or is sucking), put him back in the stroller, and went to borrow it. As I was checking out the book, Caleb started bawling in earnest again, and though I wanted to finish borrowing the items before carrying him, he was screaming blue murder in the stroller and the nasty looks I was getting from people around me finally caused me to give in and carry him (he stopped crying immediately), and borrowed the book one-handed, throwing it unceremoniously in the stroller and then wheeling everything out.
- I went to take the bus home and on the bus, 2 moms with young kids exclaimed - "Wa! Ni zhe me li hai ah! Yi shou bao baby yi shou tui che!". Yes I felt like the wonder mom.
- 5pm: Reached home, saw that Jack was still eating his lunch and went to take a shower (ah, a luxury! Alone time again!).
- 545pm: Mom made Caleb sleep, so I brought Jack downstairs to the playground to run around (after reading that toddlers need a lot of time outdoors to expend their energies), and some little girl was blowing bubbles, which a few kids were excitedly bursting. I put Jack down who joined in as well. Then some young boys came out from the pre-school nearby, and all the boys started playing catching, where the young boys chased the older ones. As Jack stood there, one boy streaked past, shrieking excitedly. Jack stared at him, then another flew past in a whirlwind, and Jack did a little jump and made an excited sound. He clearly was getting into the spirit of catching. Then as I saw the boys streak up and down the slopes, then reverse and speed in the other direction when the chaser becomes the chasee, running and shrieking, I realised how this was what boys were meant to do (the girls were all sitting or standing around the playground playing their own things), and that this was the essence of boyhood - running like mad, adrenaline pumping and shrieking your heads off. I laughed and let Jack do his own running round and round. He now loves climbing up the grassy slopes and down again, crossing the drains, holding my hand less and less. Finally he led my hand to our lift (a first, when he wants to go back before me!) and I washed him, gave him some water and in the sarong he went again for his second nap.
- At night, after carrying Caleb for a long time (he woke up and wanted to be carried, crying whenever he is put down), my hubby came back and played with Jack who wasn't sleeping, thank God. I fed Caleb and my dad took over carrying him so I could have my dinner, and took over carrying Caleb again. He finally settled down around 1030pm and I could get onto my computer to do the perf report my boss asked me to do, while hubby got on the computer to do some research for work as well. It was a peaceful time in the house, with my mom watching Korean drama in the living room. I made myself a cup of iced decaf coffee (which tasted so good) and sat there drinking while I deleted unwanted emails and drafted some pointers, sitting at my new makeshift desk in front of my bedroom window (did I tell you the kitchen chair fits the table and my legs perfectly?). I felt perfectly at ease and at peace then. We worked till 1am, when I managed to send out the pointers, then I read half of "Show Mom How" (it's not as funny as Show Dad How and it's scary how many of the points I already know) and went to sleep though I wasn't that tired yet. Need my rest for another day!
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