I have been scratching my head about what my parenting philosophy should be. By parenting philosophy, I mean - what do I really want my kids to develop into, and to have in life. What character traits, values, abilities, skills do I want them to have, which means I should spend time and effort inculcating in them? In our kiasu Singapore environment, I find when I don't determine for myself what I think is important, I end up stressing a lot about which preschools to send them to, which primary schools, and whether and which enrichment programmes to send them to... I'm sure many moms can relate to that.
A few weeks ago, if asked, I guess I would say my parenting philosophy is:
- I want my kids to be emotionally healthy, which means not insecure, not possessive, able to care and empathise with others, able to deal with personal failure and disappointments with others in a healthy way etc
- That my kids love to read as I do, as reading opens up whole new worlds of literature, thought and endless hours of entertainment and enjoyment
Recently, I had another small epiphany on this topic.
It started with a dream I had. It was a while ago, and I would have forgotten this entirely if I had not written it down in my handphone. In my dream, I think I was looking at one of my sons doing something, and suddenly I had this feeling of how God feels when one of His creation is doing something well that God created him/her to have the gift or aptitude to do – and it was a feeling of intense pleasure. It could pertain to something as simple as a runner running fast and exalting in his body, in the speed, in the exhilaration of running. Of a gifted musician jamming on his piano, creating beautiful music that uplifts his or her soul. Or a talented painter bringing colours of this world captured in his mind’s eye to life. Or even a mother, cooking a delicious meal for her family, and making the home a great place to be. Or a hairdresser, completely focused on giving the best haircut for the person before him or her.
This throws on its head what I have always believed pleases God. I have always thought God is pleased when we do the traditional “spiritual” things, like help to expand His kingdom (e.g. win souls, pray for souls, teach Bible study, serve in church, give money to the less fortunate), act in a Christ-like way like do something self-sacrificial for others, and generally obey the Bible.
But through my dream, I realised that God is also tremendously pleased to have his people do the things they were made to be are really good at doing, or have an innate talent for.
The closest verses in the Bible that talks about this is in Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord” and 1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God”.
Hence, when I relate it to what my parenting philosophy ought to be, I feel in addition to the traits I listed above, I would like them to discover their passions and gifts, and to apply them as much as they can in their lives. So far, in my two sons, I am starting to tell what their natural talents are. My older son has a photographic memory, seems to have an affinity for music and math, and is kinesthetically-gifted. I would say the last talent is the most obvious. As a mom who loves words and was a "nerd" in school, I can't help lamenting to myself why can't he have developed a more useful gift? My younger son seems to like words and books, good food and creature comforts. Ah... did I say the younger one takes after me?
I am still discovering whether these passions and gifts are true in my kids, and to what extent. But if they are indeed true, I should probably help them develop more in those areas, and eventually pursue hobbies and careers that make use of such abiltiies. That is probably how they will come close to finding true joy and living out their purpose in life.
