Is Your Life an Endless To-Do List?

 Dear God,

Something God has been impressing upon me:

Be in the Moment

In this time of work-from-home, when work and life seem to blur altogether, there are 2 scenarios: work can be at a lull. That is when we can do things like go for a mid-day or late afternoon swim right after an intense meeting (what a luxurious feeling! To slip into that cool water!) to clear my head and wash off the grime of the whole day.  I can run errands like do some quick grocery shopping for something small I forgot to buy over the weekend, or even attend to my kids, either helping them with schoolwork or even bringing them down to play during working hours (and making up for it later).  

But when work is at its peak, especially when we are in a crisis mode, it is all too easy to work non-stop, to check handphones incessantly, to monitor messages streaming in even when they don't concern us, to check emails during weekends, late at nights, and we don't seem to leave work behind when we leave office like we used to.  Life can seem like this endless stream of work - eat - tend to kids - sleep - repeat (especially when we are too scared to go out too far), and there is no clear distinction or break (where is my Sabbath?).  Recently, I found myself feeling guilty when I don't work during the weekends! I almost feel like I should be working nonstop because my other colleagues are working too (there is always someone working).  I now know a little bit of survivor's guilt, where you feel bad taking a break when you know others are slogging out there.  

As a working mom, there is also this never-ending list of things in your head to do, be it making meals for family/baby and all it entails, to settling kids' homework and performing administrative tasks, even good-to-do hobbies, doing my QT etc, which take away the joy of resting over the weekend (rest?  What rest?).  I guess I also bring this upon myself partially because when I want to get away from work, I like to cook.  Cooking is therapeutic to me to some extent, as it uses a whole other part of my brain and muscles that I don't use when I work.  Plus I generally don't think about work when I cook (too complicated, the process of turning raw ingredients into a decent meal on a table) and I get to eat something yummy and healthy too!  I also have a lot of hare-brained projects and ideas to do, like going to the library to return overdue books and get more books, get new stuff my kids want (if from Carousell, there is a lot more search time, coordination and travelling costs), get stuff for the hamster, make my own body washes, get and make gifts for ex-colleagues etc.  It's all very fun and good, but it's still a list of things to do, which the task-oriented me, will never be satisfied until I have crossed every item off the list.  So, this interferes with my enjoyment of my weekends, to the extent that to use today's catch-phrase, this affects my mental health. 

To be mentally healthy, I shouldn't treat life like an endless to-do list  I mean, what's the point of completing each task on my list but only to rush on to the next task, and the next task, and the next task.  And you know the tasks keep on piling up.  So you never have a moment's rest, and you never enjoy the moment of completion either.  I realised we should celebrate completion of certain bigger tasks, and have a proper rest at times.   And when we set if as a time to rest, we have to rest fully, nevermind the amount of work waiting for us tomorrow or even later.  This is very difficult as it requires us to tune our mind out of our work mode and also 'trust' that we can rest, and we can still complete the work tomorrow.  I suppose part of it is also knowing ourselves, that we do have limitations and we cannot keep working like that.  It will affect our efficiency.  Part of it is also, training of the mind, to concentrate fully on the task at hand.  If it is typing out this coherent and very lucid entry like what I am doing here, I should do it fully.  And not keep thinking about all the other tasks I haven't done.   If it is talking to our kid, we should be fully present.  When we are exercising, likewise.  Cooking, fully in the moment.  When we are spending time with God, to be fully immersed in it.  And when we know there are still a lot of stuff to do, to commit it to paper, and entrust it to God, if we decide now is not the time, and then forget about it until it is time to do it.  Easier said than done.  

I also need to prioritise, what is really important.  My husband is really good at that.  I think the lazy people know their limitations and hence deprioritise and simply do not do a lot of things.  The hardworking folks, on the other hand, are busy and industrious simply because they are capable and can do it.  I need to free up my schedule somewhat so I can slow down and listen to God sometimes, regularly.