The Change in My Kids

I just wanted to note down some milestones in my life before I forget them or they drift away like wisps of vapour.  Sometimes, I feel like my journalling is like Dumbledore putting a wand to his head and withdrawing a memory, this thin, wispy trail of thread from your mind, and gently dropping it into the pensieve.  So let's see, it started with that day when I bumped into Commander Katherine in the walkway of my church basement where Sunday school classes are conducted.  She smiled at me and accosted me by saying that she has seen the change in my boys.  They are aged 11 and 12 at the moment.  She said she has seen them growing up in church (and I blushed because I remember how they used to hate Sunday School from ages 4 to 10, and how my oldest boy would escape the moment we reached basement and we had to chase after him and he would play "hide and seek" with us throughout the church grounds, until sometimes my husband gave up cos we were so late for church that he would just join me and my boy would come skulking back after a long time) and seen the change in them.  She also commented that she noticed I had 4 kids, all of them in Sunday school, and that we were a faithful family.  She said we must be bringing them up well in the Lord.

I do realise that my 11-year-old boy has suddenly become very religious in a good way.  He has started to initially worry a lot if he was saved, and then if he was doing things according to God's will, and now he just has this insatiable thirst for the Bible.  It started with us doing a Bible study and family prayer every Sunday night, starting with the Gospel of Matthew.  Then it progressed to him coming to me with the Bible on weekday nights saying "Bible study?" in that hopeful voice, and I would often groan because I would already be really tired running after all my kids to shower, make milk for them and chase them to brush teeth (including brushing for my youngest and inspecting the teeth of my second youngest).  He now wants to do Bible study every night if possible and doing Bible study is his reward for studying.  And because of him, all my kids join in the Bible study and are learning lots because after reading a passage, he always asks in an anguished voice "But what is the lesson here?" and I will be forced to translate the passage into some relatable principles which they can implement in their life straight away.  Either some way of thinking, or some new understanding about God or how He works.  Then his face will light up and he will smile like the noonday sun, and go to bed happy.  Oh, and then they all ask me to go and pray with them and snuggle with them a bit.

So now they look forward to Sundays (cos it's the Sabbath and they don't have to do homework) and to Sunday School, always bringing their bibles now and earnestly going in.  I honestly don't know what has come over them.  Even my oldest is more serious about God now, or at least, he has a keen conscience and a keen sense of sin in his life.  His prayers at night are quite sincere and cute, always asking God for forgiveness for all the sins he has done in his life.  And he tells me he is so worried that initially he would not be saved, and then later, that he would fall away in his life and get distracted by other things that take up his attention.  I pray that it would not happen, and told him that's why we go to church, and surround ourselves with like-minded people, and anyway God will draw us back when we stray, like a good shepherd.  

This is one of the good good things in my life!  And I thank God for His grace and mercy!  

How to Get Your Kids to Eat Their Vegetables

I have a family of 4 kids.  Adding my hubby, helper and my parents who live downstairs, there are 9 people to cook for.  My mum can't eat too much beans cos of her rheumatoid arthritis, and my kids generally do not eat enough vegetables or whole grains. Here are some recip GGes which I have found, are healthy, tasty, cheap and easy to cook, and - my test of success - my kids all willingly eat the vegetables that are sneakily hidden in them :)

Lunch/Dinner

Salmon miso soup with tofu, cabbage and enoki mushrooms, eaten with fluffy white rice

Japanese curry pork cubes with potatoes, carrots and lots of onions, eaten with fluffy white rice

Haidilao hotpot soup packet cooked with shabu shabu pork, cabbage, enoki mushrooms and tofu

Fried rice with assortment of meat and vegetables

Stir fried aglio olio spaghetti with chicken and vegetables and herbs

Stir fried tahini noodles with vegetables and mushrooms or tofu (I can try with peanut butter next time)

Chicken honeydew soup with rice

Chicken noodle soup or chicken macaroni soup (really wholesome tasting, with celery, carrots and onions)

Blue moon organic brown rice (a yummy complement to anything)

Shanghai pork rib noodles

Spaghetti bolognese with vegetables

Beef/pork chilli with lots of kidney beans, tofu and vegetables

Baked cauliflower and carrots (can add in sweet potatoes and beetroots too!)

Cauliflower soup 

Pumpkin soup

Tomato bisque soup 

Chicken cashew vegetable stir fry

To try - 

Sushi rice with cut up shrimp, avocado and/or cucumbers

Dahl dish 

Butter chicken (so yummy)

Kimchi tofu soup (my friend said she cooks it and she loves it)

Salmon pineapple fried rice (can add cheese too for added lusciousness)

A friend told me to try to add tomato sauce with cheese for any fried rice, is a hit with kids and tastes like baked rice 

As breakfast or snack

Boiled sweet potatoes, cut up, on wholemeal or any bread, with mayonnaise or dressing on top

Cooked oatmeal with dates and brown sugar

Bread or croissant with cheese and cut onions and tomatoes

Cornflakes with milk and fruit (if short of time, which is often)

Date, banana, nut milk smoothie

Blueberry muffins

To try - 

Refried beans or medames beans with spices, with a fried sunny side up egg, chopped onions and tomatoes, served with wholemeal bread 

How to Save Money and Live Well

You know the adage, “the best things in life are free…” Well, while they may not be entirely free, I’m starting to realise many things in life that are good for you, need not be expensive.

If you have been eating out, you must have realised inflation nowadays is really steep. Food court prices have risen to almost $10 a meal, and breakfasts outside are often more than $5 now.  How to keep up with these prices if our salaries are not rising astronomically as well?

However, thanks to stumbling over a really good book in the library called
The Healthiest Diet on the Planet", plus some ruminating and time spent making stuff, I recently discovered these amazing insights and truths:

• Eating meats is actually poisoning your bodies as animals nowadays are pumped full of hormones, antibodies, chemicals, and tend to consume foods they are not meant to eat (think mad cow disease but less extreme). They are also grown in cramped, inhumane conditions and I don’t think they have happy lives, which makes one wonder if their meat is also full of stress and "misery" hormones and chemicals as well. I remember reading a book called ‘The Secret Life of Plants’, which showed a wide-eyed me as a teenager that actually sending happy thoughts to a plant makes it grow better (what every person with green thumbs inherently knows) and can even keep it alive when the leaf is cut and left on a dresser! And that if you freeze water in cups labeled nasty words, the ice crystals are all chaotic and disorderly. On the contrary, when you freeze water in cups labelled with lovely words, the ice structure viewed under the microscope was crystalline and symmetrical.  So, for animals bred under miserable conditions, you can infer for yourselves what types of chemicals and disorderly structures may be in the meat. It is due to our bodies’ amazing continual powers of self-healing that causes us to stay healthy despite what we put in our bodies. 
• This also goes for milk, cheese and eggs. Maybe unless you go for free range.  So that seems to eliminate most of the costly things we tend to buy from the market and also many fancy food products are eliminated.
• What is left to eat? Grains (wheat, rice, oats, barley), beans, vegetables, fruits and nuts. Even oils are not really necessary for us unless we are doing lots of manual labour or lacking carbs and really need the calories. As I tend to spend a fair bit on olive oil, and thinking it is healthy, use it quite liberally when cooking (e.g. for aglio olio pasta), this caused me to do a double take.  I guess if I cut down on use of oils to the bare necessity to prevent foods from sticking to the wok or pan, it could save me money too!
• Then I realised, if I don’t buy so much meat, fish, eggs and cheeses (and we all know the prices of these items are going up), then I can spend my money buying the costlier brown rice or even multi-grain rice (which looks so nice when cooked), more kinds of seeds (e.g. sesame seeds) to flavour our dishes, nuts to munch on (nut mixes are also not that cheap), pricier vegetables and fruits of more varieties.  And also, let’s face it, beans are cheap. I realised this is a great way to save money and become healthier as well!
• I became quite excited as instead of buying expensive bakery buns every morning, I could make my own wholemeal sandwiches with boiled sweet potatoes, homemade hummus, and even boiled frozen corn, mayonnaise and cheese (ok I think cheese will be hard to kick off in my diet). I could also try my hand at making cooked oatmeal with dates which my mum made for me every day of my confinement which helped me go quite regularly despite a strict diet of mostly brown rice, ginger and liver or kidney the first 3 weeks. 
• Another good way to help your pocket and your health is by fasting. I realised fasting does wonders for your digestive health, and constantly eating actually stresses it out. What an interesting fact! Maybe I should fast tomorrow lunch (since I seem to have a tight schedule anyway) and see where it leads me.  I would like to meditate a bit more on Christ too on this long Good Friday/Easter weekend. I mean, what better way to save on meals right!
• Another thing we often spend money on, aside from food, is entertainment.  This is when I had another insight from making something I could not find in a shop. One day, while looking through the soul-numbing, seemingly endless announcements and instructions from Parents Gateway, and writing down more and more dates for my 3 kids who are all in Primary school, I decided I needed a desktop calendar, to keep track of all the weighted and non-weighted assessment dates, camp dates, e-learning and meet-the-parent dates, just to name a few.  Writing them down in my bullet journal which I flipped open every few weeks was not going to cut it - I needed the kind that is big and flat and that you can put up on a wall or lay flat on your desk so you can see the whole month at a glance. But when I went to Popular I found out to my dismay that they stop stocking them from March. So I had no choice but to make one myself using drawing block, which I thankfully had lying around. It took me almost 2 hours to draw up the calendar just for the month of April, including measuring out and drawing the tables, lettering in April and designing little flowers to go with it, and then finally writing in all the dates and milestones. I kept thinking to myself I could have done it so much faster had I bought a calendar, but strangely, when I looked at the end result, it is like a maker looking at a doll he created, the experience is oddly intimate and satisfying, partly because I had spent just so much time doing it up, it was like part of me was in this product! I just feel a thrill of joy looking at it, not unlike how amidst a busy day, I find myself irresistibly sometimes clicking my sent mail just to reread emails I had earlier sent out, for the sheer pleasure of reading my writing, haha!
• Another deep insight I had was, I recalled when watching or reading survival stories like Hatchet, similar books by Gary Paulsen, or The Mountain Between Us, one marvels at how little a person can have or needs in terms of possessions, it's really the other extreme.  And when you have nothing but what you can find in nature, you will not waste one little man-made material (e.g. packaging from a crate), but keep it for future use. Yet we are surrounded by such a vast abundance of things. We throw and buy and buy and throw. It’s a vicious cycle and a bit insane. We do it without thinking, and our homes are so overflowing with things sometimes it clutters our eye and our soul, and we struggle to put things away every day.  I suppose if we were very poor, we might live a bit like the boy in Hatchet, making the most of things he had and being resourceful and innovative.  In fact, at the end of the book, he often escaped to the wilderness, with just a few things.
• I sometimes think a life with fewer choices, a straightforward simple life, may actually be nicer. Not having an abundance of choices of things to eat, things to wear, things to do, may free up our minds to focus on the things that really matter, like what we are called to do, and relationships. I shall not forget that one night when I spent it having a farewell dinner for my CEO (quite a marvellous man) and in the company of 20+ senior management people having a nice Chinese dinner… I went home feeling light and happy and energised (could be all that good and strong Chinese tea too) and I could power up my computer and do a lot of work after that. I felt it was very different from how I feel after a movie night, when I don’t feel like doing more work, and my mind is also more tired and dulled. I realised spending time with good company really does wonders for your mood and your body and your soul. That is why I think occasionally, we should arrange to spend time in the company of good friends, over a good meal or something. And if we lack good friends, to make the effort to arrange for these socials and gatherings, even if they seem awkward at first. The song is true, "the more we get together, together together...." Even Bill Gates said, the best advice he ever got was to have good relationships and friendships in life.
• I also realised the things which make me really happy are: 1) writing well and clearly (stumbling on that book Clearly Write by Lim Soo Ping made me so happy in Popular!  I was reading it and chuckling gleefully to myself reading those examples of bad writing that are so rampant in civil service), 2) making things (like the Bullet Journal, cards, calendars, and like Hatchet, you could probably make many things you need in life since we have such an abundance of "stuff"), 3) cooking (ah that mysterious elixir, alchemy of creating something delicious and heart-warming out of simple raw ingredients) and 4) being with others, especially good company where we talk and trade jokes and life experiences and have a laugh (like that lunch with CK and ME, somehow we all like to joke and/or laugh - like that funny moment where I commented that it was very unlike my my organisation for people to fight one another to take up something, and when I mimicked people saying "no, let me do it" we really cracked up cos it was so ludicrous). And like my mum, I really like being in greenery (and Singapore does have plentiful parks and park connectors to wander around and get lost in) and puttering around doing my amateurish gardening too (next up, maybe it's time to grow some lady's finger plants again since the last batch died). Actually none of these cost a lot of money, except maybe to hang out with people you need to eat somewhere and possibly at nicer places. So there.  My simple life. 

Overcoming Loneliness

Was gripped by a sudden sense of isolation the other day - when my husband was overseas and I had been busy with work and kids. Suddenly felt like it had been a long time since I connected with anyone who really cared about me and who was interested in what's going on in my life. It didn't help that the other day I had just read some article called 'the best advice received by Bill Gates' or 'the best advice given by Warren Buffet' and it was that we should cherish and cultivate friendships because at the end of the day, that is what makes us feel our life was well-lived. That really struck a chord in me, cos I had been so consumed with juggling PSLE this year for my eldest, combined with a second kid who suddenly slipped into what seemed like mild depression or extreme OCD-ism (he would stare into space for really long and do everything really slowly like eating, his homework, showering, brushing teeth, washing hands over and over again), and my third who needs a lot of nagging and reminders to do work, has bad posture and who is weak in Chinese and Math, that I had totally neglected my friends. I felt like nobody asked about me, I could chat on a heart-to-heart level with nobody, and yes, even my husband seems preoccupied in his own world all the time. Even my colleagues at work don't ask me out to lunch, but it could be a function of me being too senior.

So I was lamenting my own state and feeling really sorry for myself, and texting my husband about it, when he said 'do something about it la' and I went into a flurry of texts. Ok I just sent out 1 text to an old Christian friend of mine, and another to 2 ex-colleagues who are also working mums and with whom I meet up with for wonderfully long lunches once in a while.

To my surprise my friend replied that night and after some to and fro, we fixed a dinner 2 weeks from now on a Sun night. The next day my friends replied and we are fixing a future meal together.  Then today during church, as the pastor was praying, I had the strong sense from the Holy Spirit (the topic was on the Holy Spirit) that some of my colleagues (the branch heads) would really love a lunch and hang out with me. Just that at my level, I have to initiate, or to ask. I also don't want them to feel I play favourites, so...  But that impression was there, so I'm going to follow up on that. I also have this lunch with these 2 working level ladies with whom we are sure to have a good time, to arrange. I  should also schedule a lunch with my Dirs again at some point maybe after HREC where I always seem to need to download some stuff... And the thought even crossed my mind to lunch with my old lunch buddies, except one of them is now stationed off-site... Looks like I should have no lack of lunch companions, if I'm just a bit thick-skinned about it, and proactive too.  Who knows, maybe some of them will become my good friends. I can only hope and imagine... 

Oh and I'm supposed to arrange to go church with these 2 colleagues of mine too, one a new convert who may be a bit shaky on church attendance, and another who has definitely not been attending church. Maybe the Easter service :)

So there. This is my long-winded way of saying, loneliness has to be overcome, as man was not made to be alone, and I can think of few things that cannot be tolerated with good friends (a bit like Harry Potter, whose steadfast friends Ron and Hermione helped him get through many an ordeal). And yet good friends, at this stage of our lives when we are past 40, are so hard to find and to form. I guess we need to make the effort, not stop making the effort even when it feels unnatural (I think my ex-CEO was very good at that, and yet see how much good he has created and left behind, though many things started awkwardly), and see what sticks naturally, like me and my 2 ex-colleagues who found such a natural affinity to one another we are still meeting up years after we left the same organisation! 

Good friends are a blessing from God, and I have been praying for a soul mate (of the same gender) all my life, but have not found one. I pray and hope to find a few good friends, and a soul mate eventually... :) 

Fun Things to Do with Kids over Holidays

 With the end of final year exams round the corner, I started turning my attention to what to do with my little kids over the long November and December holidays.  Here is a fun idea if you have kids who are at least 7 years old (I realised there is no upper limit to this as even I enjoyed this activity immensely the last time we did it!).

Below is a list of topics I came up with, which represent topics which are quite different from what school would cover, yet represent a highly interesting aspect of our world.  The intent so get your kid to pick 2 numbers from 1 to 25, and then tell them what their topic is. Ask them to go to the library and borrow books on that topic and write you a little summary of what they learnt. It's a very fun activity which you can tweak to suit your purposes! Eg change up the topics to what you and your kids like, or get them to pick fewer or more topics. Or ask them to give an oral presentation. The sky is the limit!  Have fun! 

1. Military geniuses

2. Military inventions

3. Sea / blue carbon / role of oceans 

4. Birds / migratory birds and role of habitats / bird care 

5. Planets and outer space 

6. Plants and their marvellous abilities and functions 

7. Great leaders 

8. Great thinkers 

9. Musicians 

10. Painters 

11. Fashion designers 

12. Entrepreneurs (of social media, apps, fangs)

13. Great salesmen / Great speakers 

14. Materials 

15. How things work 

16. Jungle survival 

17. Surviving through winter - how animals do it or adapt 

18. Staying cool - how animals and nature does it 

19. Homes of animals 

20. How people dressed through the ages 

21. Types of homes of people around the world 

22. Food around the world 

23. Sleep 

24. Toys through the ages or around the world 

25. Pick a country at random and research all about it 

Reflections on My Calling

Recently, by a marvelous series of events, I came to read this book called "The Call" by Os Guinness (I know, what a name). The moment I started reading the Foreword, the words just started sucking me in, and I found myself falling in.  I don't know if you know the feeling, like finding something that is in your very nature to do.  Like a duck that had waddled around all its life, picking at its its bruised feet every day, suddenly slipping into the water and finding that it so delightful and so easy. It was what my heart was yearning to do all along, and I didn't know it.  Gosh, what does this tell me?  That I am made, or called, to find my calling?  Or to rediscover it?  Perhaps.  

As I read the book I marvelled in the old but deep truths I had learnt when I was a youth reading "The Alchemist" - like how we often get a glimpse or a good idea of our truest deepest gifts early in life.  Let me recall, I remember precious words like Guofeng commenting to me, one day, holding onto the MRT handles and swaying around dangerously, smiling in that wise, sagely and bumbly way of his, "You always seem to come up with the most apt words to describe something", and being young and reckless then, I smiled and laughed delightfully, and went on to the next thing.  But oh, how I stored it down inside the depths of my heart and how it still nourishes me today to think of those words!!!

And when I was young, I naturally read voraciously, I would get lost in stories, in books, and try to recreate them.  I almost did it unthinkingly.  And time just flew as I wrote my short little stories, and I took such joy in them.  I used to draw a lot too.  And I remember the first time watching a Disney movie in a movie theatre - it was The Little Mermaid and from the first scene, the watery depths and moving images just held me spellbound.  That people could draw and illustrate like that was so wondrous to me.  I have somehow lost that desire to draw, but I know I can still draw better than most people.

And something which stunned me in the book was how giftedness was only one factor in discovering one's calling.  Another one was your heritage.  This is a quaint and somewhat unused word in Singapore.  In modern, pragmatic, always-looking-forward Singapore, always on the cusp of new technology, whose people does not care too much about history.  But from reading the Bible and seeing the lives of people, one cannot escape from the fact that lineage and your ancestry does play a part in your calling and destiny in life. I started wondering about what my ancestors may be like, and all I know is that my father's father was a successful businessman, who was also a really good painter.  And somehow, almost all of his sons went into careers that involved drawing in one way or another - one became an electrician, another a designer, another a renovation contractor, etc etc.  I remember drawing comics with my cousin when we were young as well, so maybe he has a bit of that too (I remember his He-man being unnaturally muscley).

I also loved the chapter "To an Audience of One".  My Whatsapp profile message!  It starts with this insightful and honest observation of human nature - how most of us, whether we are aware of it or not, do things with an eye to the approval of some audience or other. The question is not whether we have an audience but which audience we have.  Living before an Audience of One transforms all our endeavours - "he doth it all comfortably though he meet with little encouragement from man, whereas an unbelieving heart would be discontented that he can find no acceptance, but all he doth is taken in the worst part.". This is why Christ-centred heroism does not need to be noticed or publicised. The greatest deeds are done before the Audience of One, and that is enough.  Those who are seen and sung by the Audience of One can afford to be careless about lesser audiences.  Another funny story from Winston Churchill, that beloved leader of mine: "I hear it said that leaders should keep their ears to the ground. All I can say is that the British nation will find it very hard to look up to the leaders who are detected in that somewhat ungainly posture." "Nothing is more dangerous... than to live in the temperamental atmosphere of a Gallup Poll - always feeling one's pulse and taking one's temperature".

Churchill was described by his friend as being "as impervious to atmosphere as a diver in his bell".  Basically these people listened to their inner voice, were guided by something deeper, other than public opinion.  How can the church, and we as Christians, hope to be a thermostat that transforms the mores of society rather than a wind vane that points wherever the wind is blowing? To truly be the salt and the light of this world, we must respond to this Other, and not the world. 

And mind you, it is tiring to go against the stream, to go uphill.  Far easier to float downstream, to slip and slide down... We need courage, bucketloads of it.  We need grace and patience.  We may get battered.  Looked at funny. Misunderstood. Disliked. I recall my recent experiences of being looked down upon, viewed badly, and it feels really rotten.  I felt myself feeling battle-weary and scarred after a day like that, and literally crawling into bed with a need to heal.  And I realised, this was without me even taking a stand for God. This was me just living every day to the best of my ability.  And it illuminated for me a story I read before, that this prayer warrior who changed a lot in the spiritual atmosphere, this pastor, used to lead a small group of women to pray daily. Wekk he would spend a lot of time after every prayer session to be alone with God, for God to minister to him, recharge him and heal his wounds.  And he would be fresh for the battle the next day.  I never really understood what battles those were - after all he was just praying.  But after going through a few rough days, I began to have a feel. So when we live for God, we can expect to run up against the world, and we will need the recharging from God all the more, to keep on keeping on.  I find this "turning a deaf ear" on the people around us quite helpful.  If we are to pursue our calling.  Cos it's going to be countercultural.  

Another interesting truth - Jews were called to be set apart.  When the Jews were in difficulties, they were distinctively Jews.  When they were enjoying easy days and normal times, they were at the most danger of being assimilated.  A mom in a prayer group recently told us that it was funny how the prayer groups in mission schools often had low attendance (well I pray we shall change that!) but the ones in the secular schools had the most fervent and blazing prayer groups.  What does this tell me about my pursuit of my calling?  I need to put myself deliberately in some hardship.  In a way, that troublesome, exasperating verse "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance" suddenly makes a lot of sense! Or put it another way, we should greatly rejoice when we find ourselves encountering a trial, because we will get a chance to show our difference from the world, for our counter-culturalness to shine!  

So to bring it all back to my calling. The book continues to say, apart from giftedness (use of words, drawing), heritage (drawing, maybe teaching?  My mother was a teacher, and she was immensely patient), our own life opportunities.  I guess that is where I need to consider my current station in life.  The country I am born in - the blessed Jewel of Southeast Asia, the crossways of the world. That may play a part in my destiny as well.  Why did God place me here, and not in some other country? Could it be to teach? I have also had the privilege to be pastored by Brent, who introduced me to missions, and I have always encountered God in a more real way when I am there in the mission field.  I am enamoured with pastors like Bill Wilson, Keith Green, the heroic Christians who lived uncompromising, active, action-oriented lives.  In the Bible, secretly, my favourite character when I was a young Christian was Peter - the reckless, straight-talking, shoot-his-mouth off, Peter.  I also was drawn deeply in my heart to David, the man after God's own heart. The brave warrior whose faith was so pure at the start, and who was also so emotional about God and unabashed about his passion.  I always found it easy to worship uninhibited, tuning out the world, and I feel that my own worship can lead others to worship more whole-heartedly too.  I am passionate, animated, positive or cheery, and love to laugh. In fact I think I am quite good to seeing the humorous, lighter side of things and in narrating them to others later on, to bring some laughter to their lives.  I also have this recklessness in me, this desire to be heroic and do great things for God.  I desire to have a great impact for God.  I love big battles.  A sense of fighting for right to prevail.  I may even take joy in being counter-cultural if I have a clear idea of what God is wanting me to do.  In fact, trying to get my child through PSLE in a different way is like a challenge to which I want to rise to.

As I leader, I see myself leading a charge, inspiring people to heroics, or driving a team of sled dogs, all pulling together for the same goal, giving it their all.  

Last but not least, is God's guidance.  What is He telling me?  Where is He leading me?  I am rising higher and higher in my organisation.  In fact, I have the distinctly uncomfortable feeling that I am now at a precipice where the edge is too narrow and I am falling off.  Promoted beyond my capability, probably.  Why did He give me this job when I was so happy where I was?  Ah yes, I suddenly am drawn to the trials verse again, James 1:2-3.  Perhaps that is why.  To make me lean on Him again, go to Him.  Draw near to Him.  So He can display His glory in a greater way through me?  Well I am willing.  In fact I am puzzling right now about how I can glorify God in the PSLE year next year.  It will be a first, and there are so few good examples of holy Christians, where God is totally victorious and glorified.  O that You would glorify Yourself through me and my family!

And as for work, well, I find my heart leaping for joy whenever I consider this other verse: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving". It strips me of all my filthy, impure motives.  Purifies my motives, making me clean as snow again.  I feel cleaner before God when I continue to work hard amidst adversity, feeling unappreciated, unvalued, second-rate, or worse, treated as the runt of the litter (which is how I feel sometimes when I am, in the senior management team!).  This is a very important lesson to impart to the working population at large.  

Ok I got it.  I am called to be an inspirational speaker.  To inspire Christians and non-Christians alike to holy, higher living that pleases God.  

Top Gun 2 Review

My husband and I snuck out to catch Top Gun 2: Maverick the other night, simply expecting a night of entertainment.  Once in a while, you experience something which inspires you.  That was the night.

I think from the start, when the soft, understated music started playing, which was very unlike that you would expect from a big budget movie, which should aim to blow you away from the get go with stunning setpieces and sequences, I was really impressed.  The music never aimed to overwhelm you, was actually quiet and slow-building, and so patient and self-assured.  It built up the atmosphere and showed you something about what the movie was about, which was men maintaining planes, and the teamwork that went into it before a plane could take off.  

Then the movie started with our favourite character, Tom Cruise, getting ready to do what seemed to be a Mach 9 test.  I shall not spoil the rest of the movie, but I particularly liked Bob, the awkward-looking nerd who is actually a great flyer and surprise surprise, the wingman of Phoenix, this sharp-looking girl who seemed like she MUST be a love interest of someone, being in the presence of so much testosterone, but actually she isn't.  I also liked the casting of Hangman, who was this boyish, impishly good-looking guy but whom nobody liked. 

Jennifer Connolly was quite good as Penny, not a super hot lady, but just an old flame, but she seemed tired and wan, the  kind of look women past menopause, in their 50s, tend to have. The skin a bit paper thin, the eyes a bit tired-looking, wrinkles starting to appear along her jaw. Not like the plump, moist, dewy, glistening look of youth. I guess cos Tom Cruise isn't exactly a spring chicken himself, they decided not to pair him with someone overly young, which is tasteful I guess.  But they could have picked someone more likeable, like Helen Hunt (maybe too sad) or Reese Witherspoon, Isla Fischer (my fav!), Amy Adams or Alicia Silverstone.  Even Kate Winslet could provide for an interesting dynamic, if she wasn't too high-and-mighty for such simple roles.  However, she hardly stars as just a faithful, supportive wife.  She is always fiesty, gritty, determined.

There was a very tastefully done, touching scene between Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer. The moment between Yoda and his pupil, so to speak. Where more is conveyed in the silence than in words.  At one point, when Tom Cruise is busy justifying himself, full of emotion, Val Kilmer doesn't let him get away but just points again to what he typed.  The typing was a realistic touch, a reminder that something you take for granted can just be taken away, and how people then adapt, and try to carry on life with a semblance of normalcy. But it is a looming spectre at the back, that all our days are limited, and even our abilities cannot be assumed to be there for us at our beck and call always.

In that scene, Tom Cruise broke down very convincingly. I think it is a testament to his acting, similar to Russell Crowe breaking down in Gladiator.

I also loved the reunion scene between Tom Cruise and Rooster, when Rooster went back to save him. It was so comical and funny.  And touching at the same time. Of 2 men who are trying to be better versions of themselves.

There were other funny moments, like the ascerbic black guy next to Jon Hamm, spewing out funny one-liners to help Tom Cruise out at criticial moments.

And of course the flying, action sequenecs, aerial cinematography, whatever people keep crowing about. I guess you need that to make the show compelling, but I don't particularly feel for it one way or another.  What I liked was the many twists and paybacks, when the character gets out of one sticky situation, only to get into another one, and the way the many tensions and unresolved issues set out in the first half (e.g. Hangman's unlikeability and rivalry with Rooster, the animosity between Rooster and Tom Cruise, the ambiguity of Tom Cruise's relationship with Penny, whether a man flying a plane is still needed or can drones do the job) all had a satisfying payback in the second half.  So it was very gratifying for the audience to watch.  

And of course, once you read the reviews, you start to realise how so much of the film seemed to have Tom Cruise's fingerprints. I mean it could be an exaggeration, another marketing gimmick tapping on his star power, but I can imagine this to be true to some extent, cos he is known to be a perfectionist and very demanding of himself, and giving a lot of suggestions for the films he is in.  I came away from the film with one thought - this is what you can achieve, when you plug at something until your late 50s, always devoting yourself to honing your craft and dedication to perfection. It allowed me to have hope that I could get good at my job in my current role, much as I feel like a fish out of water in that role.  I mean, the skillsets are known, to have to master. It is whether I am willing to devote that kind of manic attention and energy to it.

On the issue of attention, by the way, quite a few people have pointed out to me my power to focus in the midst of a very noisy environment. A fellow mom said it of me in a car full of screaming kids, and a colleague said he was impressed when I was on Skype and my kids would interrupt and I would mute myself for a period, presumably to scold them, and then come back and resume as if nothing was the matter.  I never realised this about myself. I guess the ability to focus does come naturally to me. It's one of God's gifts.  But I need to translate it into something of impact now. Focus my God-given talents to the tasks at hand, and become really good at it.  And also to identify a worthy cause to devote my additional time to.