How Do You Do It? My Secret Principle for Time Management

 I get asked this question a lot.  Was asked again today, by a young male colleague who asked to meet me before he left for a posting to another organisation. As we were chatting, he suddenly burst out and asked "I always wanted to ask you!  How do you do it?  Manage 4 kids and have a successful career?".  My best friend likes to ask me how I manage to take care of 4 kids and still have time to meet her for long dinners or brunches (once in a few months).  

I must say I always scratch my head to answer this question.  It's something I just do, a bit like asking a fish how do they breathe under water.  I find myself usually giving a combination of replies such as "Well, it builds up, cos you give birth one at a time, and learn to manage them one at a time. So it's not all at once!", or "I have good help. My mum and my maid help me, so I have peace of mind when I work" or "I am not a tiger mommy.  I just spend time with them after work and on weekends, and I monitor their progress in school.  If they seem to be doing ok, I will leave them be and focus on my work. If there are some warning signals, I will focus a bit more on them" or "I have been blessed with very understanding bosses, thank God." or "I don't! I'm going crazy".    

Frankly it is all of the above, plus, well, daily prioritisation of tasks either at work or at home.  As a result I am loving my Bullet Journal, which is basically just my rolling to-do list for both work and personal life, plus a smattering of journal entries when I find time and the mood to. Then whatever cannot be squeezed into what time I have, just have to let it slip.  And trust that you somehow got the big rocks in the tank, and what could not be fit in was the final liquid which overflowed and hopefully was the small stuff.

And actually I always fail to mention the most important time-saving ingredient, which can be summed up in this very popular verse "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you".  I have found that when I put God first, somehow my work and family life gets magically done, and magically ordered, such that it didn't require me to put in the amount of effort I imagined it would.  It is a miraculous and magical, and probably God's humorous way of teaching us a lesson.  I can just imagine God chuckling at us marvelling at how come despite us eking out the time from our packed schedule and our unruly emotions to prepare that bible study, teach cell, attend church, keep our Sabbath, when we look back at our work week, it always seems extraordinarily uneventful.  To my immense surprise, I would realise that nothing crashed or burnt, and there might even be a lack of stress.  

It is probably my biggest secret principle of time management.

Deliberate Self-Restriction

The other day, when I went to my office's canteen to eat its famous Indian breakfast before I started work, I bumped into M, a guy who did dispatch for my organisation.  I know it seems a bit archaic in today's day and age to have someone on the staff delivering letters and parcels physically, but they probably kept him on as we are a governmental organisation and he has been a faithful staff. 

M is a guy who looks a little, shall we say, mentally-challenged, walks in a bumbling way, speaks with a slightly muffled voice, but is always over-friendly. I try to avoid him often but am always nice to him when I meet him because I am the kind of person who is always polite and has a smile for others.  So anyway, that day, I ended up queuing up behind him at the muslim stall and after I ordered my food, I saw him sitting quite conspicuously in the middle of the canteen and after a moment's hesitation, decided to join him, since I was a bit starved for company since Covid and WFH for so many months.

It was a good decision. We started by talking about work, and he told me that without fail, even when he worked from home, by 830am he was showered and dressed and ready to work.  I felt a bit ashamed as I usually would be still finishing up my breakfast somewhere around that time.  I was also surprised to learn that my organisation had put him to man the office handphone and answer calls from the public, which I thought was a risk.  He said that he felt he didn't need to open in that standard way, nor to sound really official.  He mimicked a typical conversation and showed me how he would first ask them what they wanted, and once he understood their issue, would efficiently "despatch" them to the right organisation and the right number to call (which he told me was all in his head). I was impressed, that one shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and who said a guy who didn't have a good phone voice couldn't answer the hotline?  The main thing was that he was efficient, professional and he got the job done. I was blown away by the open-mindedness and wisdom of the person who gave him the job.

The second insightful thing he said which surprised me no end was when I asked him whether he was watching anything on the streaming websites like Netflix and what not.  He shook his head vehemently and said an abrupt "No! Never!".  He said he only watched programmed channels, where you had to wait for your favourite show to start screening.  He told me to check out some free-to-air channel which showed all the old movies like Godfather.  We both agreed that streaming websites had problems like providing an endless menu of movies to choose from (analysis paralysis), and allowed you to have instant gratification (you needn't wait for any good show to start, you could just click on a button and it would play), and you could binge watch all you wanted, leading to all sorts of problems.

Yes, gone are the good old days when you had to wait and even "order" your life around the start time of a show you wanted to watch, and then when it was over, you had to wait until the next week to continue the series and find out what happened next. I think such a way of living might sound quite unthinkable today ("What? Wait a whole week to watch the next episode?").  But this actually simplifies our life to a certain extent, as you scanned the TV guide for the day, and if there was nothing you liked, you then went on with your life and planned other things.  There was no "buffet syndrome" and you were offered limited choices to choose from.  There was also a certain rigidity to the schedule of programmes, so you had to instill a certain discipline in your life if you wanted to catch that show at that time.  These also prevent TV or entertainment from taking over our lives.

There is great wisdom in choosing deliberate self-restraint or self-restriction in this case.  This is also why I refuse to buy a higher-end coffee machine (e.g. one that grinds your coffee beans, or a Nespresso machine) as I want to keep my taste buds accustomed to freeze dried coffee as a norm, and enjoy only lattes made from freshly ground coffee beans when I am outside.  This helps to keep a certain freshness to life.  

 

The Things We Spend the Most Effort Doing

I hosted a Christmas party yesterday for some of my colleagues, as a way to thank them for working so hard this year and achieving so many deliverables. 

Never did I imagine there was so much work involved in 1) cleaning and organising the house to be in better shape to receive guests, whom I wanted to bring on a house tour, and 2) planning and ordering and buying/preparing the food of the party. It was insane and nail-biting to the last minute and I frankly did not know how the food would turn out until the food was on the table. There was a bit of a hiccup when I started heating up the ribs and turkey 20 to 30 minutes before we were supposed to eat dinner but when I opened the package, realised the ribs and turkey were quite huge and also cold and I didn't have enough rack space in the oven. Plus the quiche also needed to be heated up. One of my colleagues popped into the kitchen and asked if she could help and I said why not (I'm not one to refuse help usually and I can always put people to work).  Another wandered into the kitchen next asking if I needed help and he was very useful.

Well I eventually got all the food on the table and people started eating and chatting with one another, and all I was doing was running around back and forth getting food ready and topping up stuff that was getting low and heating up things. I only started eating when all the policy folks had eaten and the international relations folks arrived. By then the turkey was all out (it's actually kind of yummy and tastes like a tastier version of turkey I've had before) and the pork ribs were thin on the meat bit fatty and divine. My fingers were sticky sweet and fragrant with pork and BBQ juices when I was done. Yum.... 

My kids also surprisingly left us alone most of the time. I realised that when you spend a lot of effort on something, you derive a lot more satisfaction when it has gone well! A bit like Little Prince and what not. Which tells me something about spending money to buy something off the shelf Vs something you made yourself ...

The Gift and the Giver

My birthday just passed yesterday and my hubby mysteriously asked me to keep myself free from 4pm onwards. Turns out he had made reservations at this expensive but authentic Italian place called No Menu restaurant in Telok Ayer area and it was a menu decided by the chef and every dish meant to be a surprise. I loved the focaccia bread the most. Dipped in olive oil. The wine was also horribly expensive and not that awesome. But then again, I don't think any wine should cost above 40 as I'm not a wine connoisseur. 

I enjoyed the ambience a lot (a lot of furniture was brought from their restaurant and home in Italy) and I liked their burrata cheese as an appetizer too although after the first 2 to 3 bites, I couldn't taste the awesomeness anymore as it's a bit bland. But it's light and milky, with no aftertaste as most cheeses do. 

There was a very very thinly sliced Parma ham on top of what seemed like a potato salad that was pretty swell too. And I liked their tiramisu (as always) and the final cheese dessert that was so yummy I ate the whole thing. The roast beef was delicious too except I'm not a beef person. I realised the importance of having enough salt in all the food to make it yummy, from the focaccia bread (salty enough) to the beef (there were salt crystals on the rawer side of the cut beef). 

Even though I didn't feel the dinner was worth the amount that he spent, I think we have to appreciate the intentions of the giver when they do certain things. And appreciate their intentions, the effort of the giver and not the gift itself per se. 

Is Your Life an Endless To-Do List?

 Dear God,

Something God has been impressing upon me:

Be in the Moment

In this time of work-from-home, when work and life seem to blur altogether, there are 2 scenarios: work can be at a lull. That is when we can do things like go for a mid-day or late afternoon swim right after an intense meeting (what a luxurious feeling! To slip into that cool water!) to clear my head and wash off the grime of the whole day.  I can run errands like do some quick grocery shopping for something small I forgot to buy over the weekend, or even attend to my kids, either helping them with schoolwork or even bringing them down to play during working hours (and making up for it later).  

But when work is at its peak, especially when we are in a crisis mode, it is all too easy to work non-stop, to check handphones incessantly, to monitor messages streaming in even when they don't concern us, to check emails during weekends, late at nights, and we don't seem to leave work behind when we leave office like we used to.  Life can seem like this endless stream of work - eat - tend to kids - sleep - repeat (especially when we are too scared to go out too far), and there is no clear distinction or break (where is my Sabbath?).  Recently, I found myself feeling guilty when I don't work during the weekends! I almost feel like I should be working nonstop because my other colleagues are working too (there is always someone working).  I now know a little bit of survivor's guilt, where you feel bad taking a break when you know others are slogging out there.  

As a working mom, there is also this never-ending list of things in your head to do, be it making meals for family/baby and all it entails, to settling kids' homework and performing administrative tasks, even good-to-do hobbies, doing my QT etc, which take away the joy of resting over the weekend (rest?  What rest?).  I guess I also bring this upon myself partially because when I want to get away from work, I like to cook.  Cooking is therapeutic to me to some extent, as it uses a whole other part of my brain and muscles that I don't use when I work.  Plus I generally don't think about work when I cook (too complicated, the process of turning raw ingredients into a decent meal on a table) and I get to eat something yummy and healthy too!  I also have a lot of hare-brained projects and ideas to do, like going to the library to return overdue books and get more books, get new stuff my kids want (if from Carousell, there is a lot more search time, coordination and travelling costs), get stuff for the hamster, make my own body washes, get and make gifts for ex-colleagues etc.  It's all very fun and good, but it's still a list of things to do, which the task-oriented me, will never be satisfied until I have crossed every item off the list.  So, this interferes with my enjoyment of my weekends, to the extent that to use today's catch-phrase, this affects my mental health. 

To be mentally healthy, I shouldn't treat life like an endless to-do list  I mean, what's the point of completing each task on my list but only to rush on to the next task, and the next task, and the next task.  And you know the tasks keep on piling up.  So you never have a moment's rest, and you never enjoy the moment of completion either.  I realised we should celebrate completion of certain bigger tasks, and have a proper rest at times.   And when we set if as a time to rest, we have to rest fully, nevermind the amount of work waiting for us tomorrow or even later.  This is very difficult as it requires us to tune our mind out of our work mode and also 'trust' that we can rest, and we can still complete the work tomorrow.  I suppose part of it is also knowing ourselves, that we do have limitations and we cannot keep working like that.  It will affect our efficiency.  Part of it is also, training of the mind, to concentrate fully on the task at hand.  If it is typing out this coherent and very lucid entry like what I am doing here, I should do it fully.  And not keep thinking about all the other tasks I haven't done.   If it is talking to our kid, we should be fully present.  When we are exercising, likewise.  Cooking, fully in the moment.  When we are spending time with God, to be fully immersed in it.  And when we know there are still a lot of stuff to do, to commit it to paper, and entrust it to God, if we decide now is not the time, and then forget about it until it is time to do it.  Easier said than done.  

I also need to prioritise, what is really important.  My husband is really good at that.  I think the lazy people know their limitations and hence deprioritise and simply do not do a lot of things.  The hardworking folks, on the other hand, are busy and industrious simply because they are capable and can do it.  I need to free up my schedule somewhat so I can slow down and listen to God sometimes, regularly.

Insights from Slowing Down (Slightly)

 Hello!

Yesterday, I went to church for my second mentoring session and the topic was: 1) experiencing and being sensitive to God's prompting and leading every moment of our lives, and 2) the value of keeping the Sabbath.  I must say I still have not fully internalised the first topic (what a big and immense topic it is!) but the second topic really gripped my imagination and I felt challenged and intrigued enough to try my hand at keeping the Sabbath today.  

So what does Sabbath mean, really, to a working mom in a very modern hectic city like Singapore?  Well, based on the book we were reading, Sabbbath is about stopping work (easy!), enjoying rest (not so easy with 4 kids and husband who likes his me time too, and also with my maid going off to enjoy her Sabbath as well), practicing delight (hmm how do we do that exactly) and contemplating God (of course!).  It was especially challenging as the book said Sabbath was when we rest from paid and unpaid work, and the latter includes paying bills, doing housework, running errands.  I mean, if we don't do it on Sunday, then we have to make sure we get these done on the other 6 days.  I guess that is where intentional planning comes in.

So this morning, I decided since going for nature walks and spending time with my family bring me delight, we should go to a breakfast place near to a park, and after breakfast, go for a walk in nature.  Since my maid was taking off too, we packed up all 4 kids and went to some HK cafe at Sin Ming (So Good Cafe), ate dimsum and then went off to Windsor Park.  It was quite sunny by then so I donned my cap, tried unsuccessfully to press caps on my 3 other kids, and trudged along carrying baby and we saw monkeys, salamanders, red dragonflies, and many large ants.  We got home sweaty and quite tired (trudging in the hot tropical jungle does sap your strength!).

Later in the day, after the kids went down to my parents' place to watch TV, husband went out to play soccer, I decided to sit at my balcony with my handphone and journal to do my Quiet Time.  My passage was Proverbs 28:11 "The rich are wise in their own eyes; one who is poor and discerning sees how deluded they are." And I was puzzling over how the rich are "deluded".... Dark stormclouds were gathering and streaks of lightning kept flashing. I got quite distracted, and also started wondering how lightning is formed.  Since I had my handphone in hand, I Googled it, and to my surprise, it was due to the formation of positive charges on the top of a stormcloud and negative charges at the bottom (why is it like that?) and then it somehow causes the ground to have positive charge, and then zaaap! Electricity crosses the atmosphere either from the bottom of a stormcloud to the highest point on the ground, or from cloud to cloud (I especially like the cloud to cloud bit).  And nobody really knows why the electricity happens in a zig-zag fashion.  And even more amazing, is how thunder is formed.  It is because the electricity creates a hole in the air, and when air rushes back in to fill the void, it creates the sound of thunder.  I mean, consider how loud thunder really is!  And it is just air rushing back to fill a thin void in the sky, how can be that loud?  Sometimes it's almost like a thunderclap that makes everyone jump out of their clothes for a while!  So I started marvelling how loud and powerful this phenomenon which looks like a thin streak in the air, is, and how we humans, if we didn't have our concrete houses, are at the mercy of nature.  And how powerful weather is, and how little we still understand it, and how small we are.  

And this led me to contemplate that any day, something bad could happen to our small miniscule lives -- we could be struck by lightning, someone could be struck by disease, and that is probably how the rich are deluded.  They don't realise every little thing comes from God, from their health, to their ability to keep their wealth, and make even the next dollar, and so on and so forth.  And we really should not take anything for granted, and give thanks for all the blessings.  And not just give thanks, but bless others richly.  I mean, God didn't bless us just so we keep thanking Him, and the Sparklight (Sunday school) lesson today was also on how Aquila and Priscilla were generous in sowing into God's kingdom.  They were literal tentmakers (they sewed and sold tents!) and back then, believers shared everything, so they shared their money and their home with Paul and others who wanted to hear the gospel.  May we be like Aquila and Priscilla.

About Jealousy

Is parental jealousy even a thing?  I think so.  Because recently, I realised that every time I have a conversation with this particular mommy, I tend to feel these feelings of jealousy arise.  Being a 42-year old mommy of 4 bright and diverse kids, in a job I love, with a spouse I have little to complain about, what am I jealous of, you may ask?  

Well, it started with me feeling a jolt of disbelief and irritation when I found out that her boy who is the same age as my eldest scoring better than my boy in 2 or 3 subjects, and even possibly topping the cohort in those subjects, her oldest boy (a really lovely and well-behaved boy by the way) also did really well in his PSLE due to his mother's efforts in schooling him in Chinese in the last 6 months (he is going to try to ACS as he qualifies) and I think he received $240 in vouchers for topping his school in 2 subjects I think, even though both parents are not as "smart" and successful as me and my husband.  Then there is the fact that even though they don't earn as much as us, she has this uncanny ability to get the best deals on everything (she told me early on how they have a knack of winning lucky draws, and they ever stayed at a hotel for free from some farmhouse lucky draw).  For example, she manages to find fun things to do with her kids without breaking the bank.  Recently, my husband brought all of us to Universal Studios as a way to have fun during the December holidays.  Neither of us being the type who likes researching for discounts and deals, we paid the full fee, and as this is still during Covid, the rides only opened from 2pm and it rained cats and dogs for about 1.5 hours in the afternoon, so all the outdoor rides were closed for that amount of time and after that all rides had queues of at least an hour, and we only managed to do 4 rides, and all the shows were closed, so we didn't have such a good time despite paying through our nose to bring the whole family there.  We also didn't eat in there either cos a lot of eateries were closed, and we had so little time).  When she asked about my time in Universal Studios, she said they went to Universal Studios during her company's family day when they paid next to nothing, had $20 food vouchers, and enjoyed all the rides twice cos there was no queue whatsoever, plus watched all the shows.  Harrumph.

She also furnishes her house very tastefully and economically (they recently replaced their old sofa with a secondhand IKEA couch which looks new, with a beautiful white rug thrown in for $200).  Her piano was obtained free from her church whereas mine was scouted from Carousell for $400, I thought it was already a good deal.  They have a big blackboard in the living room where they write on and pin up all the letters from school (I bet them never miss a spelling, some instruction from school, or any event, whereas I need to be reminded of them through parents' Whatsapp chats and terse, snarky reminders from the teachers), a long wooden dining table where the kids do their work, play games and the family gathers for dinner, full of peace and order and harmony.  Her boys are boisterous, running around, shrieking and playing nerf guns, with my kids, but the parents banned them from Roblox as it was too addictive, whereas my boy is still playing it off and on and pestering us every day to play it (yet another area we fail to do).  

She feeds her family with vegetarian tasty meals which her boys gobble up.  And did I mention how her boys are all tall and robust (a sore point for me, as my boys, especially my second boy, is super super short).

There is also the fact that her boys are super good at brainy games like chess, Rubix cube, and read super fast and devour thick books with all words and no pictures like the kids' version of the Pilgrim's Progress (my 9 year-old still likes comics and his books must have at least some pictures, even if they are mainly words, and the content must be irreverent, cheeky, or very violent).  Her kids are also generally well-behaved, moral kids, who have bible study every day with their grandparents.  Well, you get the picture.

So, basically she is a better mom than me in every way.  Her family is well-run, with wisdom, in an economical and healthy way, and her kids are well-behaved and tall.  Everything I aspire to be and to do, which I fail in some way when compared to her. 

Ok, I know this is childish, and silly, cos actually we have a lot of good times together, where my boys get along really well with her boys and we enjoy chatting with the parents, and we share tips on what to do with the kids, good classes to send them to, good Chinese and piano and swimming teachers etc etc, and we do learn a lot of tips from them that way.  But I can't help feeling this twinge whenever she crows about her achievements (ok, I'm sure she didn't mean to do it), and now it has become quite full-blown, where I am quite aware of the resentment building in my chest whenever I talk to her, behind my strained smiles.

I started asking myself, what does the Bible say about jealousy?  How should I react to these feelings?  How can I stop feeling jealous of this poor mommy who has no idea of the effect she is having on me (and possibly harbouring her own feelings of jealousy for God knows what?).

I remembered a few points:

(1) She likely has no idea those aspects of her life (which she may take for granted) is making me feel jealous, so it's silly to resent her for something she is not even aware of 

(2) Feeling jealous of her in all those aspects is likely showing up areas of insecurity in my life, or idols I have built up in my life, where I measure my success by how well I do in those aspects, and reassure myself I am a good mommy, or somehow feel confident if I have those things or my kids behave in those ways or have those traits - so I have to deal with them in my own time, in the privacy of my soul, and they are likely to be shadows in my life, areas of bondage.  

(3) Like the story in the Bible of David and Bathsheba, I remember how he probably envied Uriah, his loyal soldier, his lovely wife, when he had his own harem of countless wives, and God said He would have given David any lawful woman he desired.  I tried to put myself in David's shoes and realised David must have felt insanely covetous of Uriah's wife, and he may have temporarily derived no pleasure from his other wives and concubines, to the point he sinned against God's law and slept with another man's wife.  From an outsider's point of view, you may be tempted to shout "David! Don't be stupid! Turn your eyes towards God!  And all the pleasures God has already provided!" but he was deaf to it.   How does it relate to this example, you may ask?  Well, my kids are bright and gifted in their own ways, and are developing at their own pace, but when I look at this mommy's kids, who are so close to mine in age, I can't help but feel insecure, that my kids don't measure up in many ways.  So I am focusing on what they lack, comparing them against others, when I should be content with who they are, and focusing on what God has given me, instead of what I don't have.  And God has given me A LOT.  

So I think, this is the problem of comparison.  Of discontent arising from all this insidious, subconscious comparisons that happen in our brains without us even thinking.  And though I'm no longer on Facebook, the devil still manages to get at me through real live people I interact with, disrupting my peace, my contentment.  The funny thing is, the father of the kids may be struggling with comparisons of his own cos we live in a condo and we have a car and my husband doesn't think twice about splurging on the kids (they don't have a car, yet another wise decision in Singapore where car ownership is ridiculously expensive, and they have more books than toys).  

Anyway, I am still a parent struggling and learning how to raise my kids in the Lord, in a technologically-advanced, materialistic society where kids are glued to gadgets all day long and more likely than not to be impatient, self-centred, rude, and self-entitled.  I can see streaks of these in my kids every day (probably due to the media and games they are exposed to) and I am fighting an uphill battle every day to scrub away these tendencies from them and to educate them in the right way to go, which takes time and endless repetitions and moralising (explaining why that is the right way to behave.  I should see both sets of families as fellow soldiers on this journey together and try to encourage one another to reach the end goal, rather than begrudge them their successes.  And I should remind myself that God made everyone different, and He needs every person He has made to live up to their full potential, and this is not a competition, but a war where we are all on the same side, and we are in the same company - when they win, we win too.

And I should rely more on God to help me in my daily journey, rather than man (although they do seem to be a source of wise practices and seem to have gotten it "right" much of the time).  I should be thankful for what God has given me, look to God for wisdom,  and expose my kids more to God even as I spend more time with God myself.  That will restore my soul from the ravages of comparisons and keeping up with the Joneses and my propping up fragile self-esteem.

Ok, enough of my rambling.  I think I got it out of my system.  Hope this has not bored you to tears!

The Power of Worship

I have been following the US elections and I must say today, on the 7th of November 2020, when Joe Biden was announced US president, I felt sickened in my stomach and unbearably blue (pun unintended).  I felt like America would be headed for more liberal, whitewashed policies, more chaos, more oppression, more inequality, more lies and deception and just felt like weeping for America.  I felt I had let someone down - maybe I didn't pray enough, I should have fasted, and the news media seemed intent on not reporting Trump's version of the story aside from brief mention of his claims and always with the words ‘unsubstantiated’ or ‘without evidence’. I do see evidence hinting at election tampering in other websites and I’m not sure why the news outlets don’t profile it.  I wonder if certain key officials in the swing States and media outlets are all in collusion with the democrats...

And then I remembered this opening chapter of a book I was reading yesterday while I was taking a rare moment to sit down in a nice cafe environment (Dig Restaurant at Bishan Library) with both of my boys, our stroller laden with books, books, books!  And both of them were digging (haha, another pun cos of the cafe we were in) into their books with gusto, my oldest a block of a tome from the Adult section called "Battles That Changed History", and the younger one this graphically explosive book called "Escape from Planet Alcatraz"by Michael Dahl (no prizes for guessing how we came to stumble upon this unknown series).   And for me, after ordering 2 pastas and a beloved mocha for myself and an oreo milkshake for the boys, I sank into my seat and pulled out a brand new book which I found lying in my husband's car boot, given to him by friend so long ago that he couldn't even remember who gave it to him, called "Attack Lambs".  It was just the kind of book I loved.

So as I was cracking open the initial pages (my favourite part of reading any beloved book!) and reading it, while sipping my mocha, I stumbled upon these words which seared into my brain:

"All successful spiritual endeavour comes forth from an attitude of worship.  Why?  Because as worship focuses us on the Lord, it brings clarity.  This clarity causes us to see the affairs of this life for what they are.  It releases us to see that we are seated in heavenly places in Christ, with Him at the right hand of the Father.  We can see that the blood of Jesus has set up free from the presence and power of the Enemy (Hebrews 9:12)"

This is a timely reminder to my soul, when I am feeling so down, so helpless, so fearful.  We need to return to an attitude of worship and continue to pray, pray for America and the truth to be revealed and for all lies and deception to be exposed plain as day.  

I have also been reading Joshua 3 to 6 last Fri, and one of the key takeaways I had from the passage, a fresh insight, was that somehow God uses very unconventional methods to gain victories, e.g. He asked the Israelites to circumcise all the males while they were camped outside Jerico, which would have rendered them in pain and vulnerable for days. But they did it anyway.  And when they approached the walls of Jerico, what did God ask them to do? March around the walls for 6 days and not do anything except blow the trumpets.  It is almost like they were asked to worship for 6 days and on the 7th day, worship 7 times as long, and then give a shout.  And what do you know, without them even lifting a sword or a battering ram, the walls came crumbling down.  From worship.  And obedience.  And setting apart (circumcision). So I feel the power of worship is often underestimated in our society today where it seems like just something we do in church, before we get to the sermon proper, and just singing a few songs. Not linked really to victorious living or Spirit-filled loves.  Or even Spiritual warfare.  But it is. It is a powerful way to connect to the power of the Living God.  Like Attack Lambs said, it is an uplink and a downlink at the same time. It is a great way to recharge ourselves, to increase our spiritual ‘health’, to give us the energy and the boldness to continue being different, to even give us divine wisdom for living (how many times have I felt an insight downloaded about a problem when I was worshipping?). 

I have accumulated a playlist of powerful and uplifting worship songs which I think I ought to download into my phone and play it when I’m feeling down.... Perhaps that is something I should do next.

Praying with Wrong Motives

I was experiencing a very unsettling feeling. I had just approved a submission proposing to reject an appeal. Although I initially wanted to accede to it, we had concluded after much internal discussion that rejecting it was the legally more defensible position to take. 

But when we put it up, a very astute boss at the next level asked us to try to find out one more detail from the overseas authorities to back up one of our statements. We agreed to do so even though we felt the overseas authority would not reply in time, and to our surprise they did!  And from the surface looks of it (we are still trying to decipher a lot of technical charts and explanations they gave us), it looks like we may have to reverse our position...

Now this is a mortifying position to be in for a policy department, to put up something which later you realise or your bosses point out is actually the wrong position.  I mean, correction of English, better nuancing, reorganisation of arguments, I can handle, but to have to reverse your recommendation, is like being told you are doing your job entirely wrong. My first reaction was to pray that in dissecting their replies we would be proven right, that we should still reject their appeal.

However, it so happened my QT today was on James 4:1-4 'What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.'

I certainly identify with the' desires that battle within you' part - I dearly desired to be proven correct because to be proven otherwise would be bad for the reputation of my policy outfit and for me as well. The part on quarreling and fighting, I felt like I was quarreling with myself and trying to find arguments so that I should be right. But I was quite convicted by the end, that I had to pray for the right and best outcome to be achieved because that is the right thing to do, and not to pray to save my own face. Because to pray like that would be to 'ask with the wrong motives'. 

In fact I was reminded that my prayer just before our discussion with the bosses was that we would collectively come to the best outcome, although I had not anticipated that this would mean having to eat humble pie! 

Now I have to come to terms with the fact that we may have to go back to tell them we are reversing our position, and to be ok with that, because if I didn't have to care about my own reputation and career, that would be what I would gladly do.  Perhaps I should pray for courage, moral courage to do what's right, to seek to please God only and not man, and to do what seems painful as an offering to God, a living sacrifice. 

I am always surprised at how the Word of God always comes in a timely manner to remind me.... 

The best things in life

Recently I have started Cycling to the MRT again.  It could be the December weather, making for a more pleasant, windy, less smog-ridden ride (not that Singapore is ever that smoggy), or the fact that I had been seeing/hearing/reading about the benefits of Cycling again from the most unlikely places (eg when I meet healthy-looking, vigorous, clear-skinned people from Cycling associations or interest groups, or when I read about the higher workout of Cycling compared to Basketball, burning the stress away in a Robin Cook book, or when I lay in bed a night trying to sleep but feel this 'stuck' feeling in my chest). Anyway, I finally found the time to wheel my bike to the nearest petrol station and got the tires inflated again as they got flat sitting at a bike rack for too Long, and now the ride is incredibly smooth and bouncy.

Anyway, one day I had brought my toddler girl on a ride with me in the early morning to exercise, and I decided on a whim to try another route back.  I have been rather unhappy with my route to MRT as it is all along roads which have moderate to heavy traffic, and the ride back is especially bad when I come back feeling like my nasal passages and face are covered in grime. I had been hoping to find a shortcut that would cut through HDB estates more, to bring me away from traffic, since lining the paths with man-height bushes to keep pollution at Bay seems not to be a priority amongst the government agencies involved.  This time, I decided to try another route back, going along a PCN that runs along the MRT viaduct, even though the last time I tried it, I got hopelessly lost and it took me much longer  to get back.  To my surprise, I found that it was relatively easy to cycle back on this new route, and though half the journey is still along a major road, it doesn't feel that bad (may be the weather and time of year, may be the airflow in that area due to its layout and design), and half of the route is along this very pleasant wide PCN that is next to gardens, trees and residential estates.  Dream!!!  I am much happier now using this route and last night and this morning, when I was feeling rather burdened from some happenings at work (seem to be a common occurrence nowadays), I found the wide open expanse, the clean air and the autonomy of moving swiftly on a bike and exercising my body, invigorating.  And I played Justin Bieber's Love Yourself song on my phone as I rode and calmed myself somewhat.  This is something I hope to impart to my kids in the future - the ability to swim and cycle.  

That got me thinking - you see, life's problems at work are often about getting recognition and respect from bosses, peers, getting ahead in life, but then, I am already quite comfortable where I am (I concluded from observing my Dir that I'm not ready to be a Dir, not at least for a Long Loong time) and I am earning a good salary.  Why do I try so hard?  Why am I so bothered when I don't appear to live up to my own expectations of performance?  I should always try my best, and if it isn't enough, if I care simply about my trade and doing it well for the benefit of Singaporeans all over, and about God and winning His approval, I should know my failings, want to do better, but not feel so beat up about it, you know?  And if the things that bring me joy are things like taking a bike ride at the start or end of the day, feeling lithe and limber as I park my bike (I am aware of how sporty and girl-next-door I look in my sports cap and sports gear) and walk into Tampines Hub looking for a nice cafe for breakfast, thanking God for my healthy body, my slimness, my ability to get around... being with my kids and enjoying them... planning and cooking a nice meal for my friends, family, tidying and putting things in order in the home... watching the occasional movie in the theatre which is such a treat... curling up in bed with excitement as my Husband loads the latest TV series we are watching cos the kids are fast asleep.... laughing with my friends over some joke, well, actually a lot of these things don't cost me much.  So do I need to kill myself at work climbing further?  I don't.  I should do my job well (that seems to be in jeapordy here, but I can always say I'm still learning) and not try to do my boss' job (which I feel I am constantly trying to do, it's like a personal challenge to myself, an unconscious thing I do almost).  Sigh need to keep a rein in on my emotions. I know my weaknesses here are - not being able to articulate the benefits of what we are proposing to the bosses in a way that makes it easy for them to agree, not being able to respond to my staff disagreeing or undermining what I say in a clever and uncombative way, and also having all the history of things at my fingertips, to respond very quickly to questions fired by bosses over WhatsApp or meetings, and having a poker face when I am asked something I don't know offhand or being challenged about our previous position and I am too easily swayed by new arguments and can't remember why we did what we need.  Also need to develop some Armour to when l am being criticised and learn how to diffuse the temper of the person.  I Guess these are things I will work on this coming year.  Will see if I manage to make any improvements at the end of the year!

The Joy of Appreciation

I have finally gotten down to writing all those New Year (was meant to be Christmas but hard to do in the thick of work and kids all demanding my attention) cards for most of my colleagus. I must say for once, I did something quite fruitful and productive with my hours of insomnia (too used to sleeping at 2 plus when I was on leave so hard to sleep before 12 even when I wanted to!) and actually finished writing thoughtful, individually personalised cards to each of my 18 colleagues.

I had the inspiration because of how wonderful the note I wrote to an ex-colleague was (I was so proud of it - it was inspiring, encouraging, warm and pretty cos I decorated it with stickers) and how good it made me feel. I was sure she appreciated it. So I decided since this was something I was good at, why not extend it to all my colleagues? Share the joy so to speak. So I bought this box of pretty cards from Urban Write, and set about doing it.

I must say I surprised myself, by having something nice to say even for colleagues I did not know very well or who only started work for a while. I tried to make each note personal, conversational, light-hearted and also made sure I added a note of appreciation for their work or their personalities. I would point out little things they suggested, good ideas, which i thought were brilliant, memorable work moments (eg stroller video, AM bill) and horrible work moments (eg AMK launch), and tried to show faith in them or some enthusiasm about what 2017 would bring in terms of work (eg our work would come into fruition and hopefully touch the lives of many Singaporeans). For some colleagues, I realised didn't need much words. I just had a say I must say I really enjoy working with you, and it would have said it all. For one particular colleague whom I have this chemistry with, of whom I am rather fond of, I tried using the approach for some others where I tried to point out what I appreciated about her, her reliableness, how i could always count on her to get her work done well, but it was starting to sound like work appraisal so i deleted them.

I also reverted to my cheesy Sec school/JC days where I started giving them labels on the front of the card, eg to my ever-smiling and sunny colleague, to my calm and unflappable colleague, to my fun and fashionable colleague, and I must say I was quite pleased with my effort, even though I was pairing these precious cards with packs of cheapo Famous Amos cookies which only cost me a dollar each (some sale at 7-Eleven). But I figured - I want to give them a practical thing they would definitely use/consume, and didn't want to break my bank doing it, so what better way than to give out chocolate chip cookies? Anyway the highlight of my gift was the card. Oh, and I also would end off each card, most cards, with wishing them a marvellous 2017 that is better than 2016, not because circumstances will be better (though i wish they will be) but because our reactions to things will be better! Something I learnt from Pastor Pacer's sermon at end of 2016.

The strange thing was that the day after I gave out these cards, several of them couldnt quite look me in The Eye or took the effort to come look for me to discuss something.

I read the parable of the Mustard seed today and I prayed that these little "seeds" would germinate and grow fruit that I may or may not see. God may you bless these little seeds and make them grow! Amen.

A Mind-Blowing Parable

Know about the butterfly effect? Well it’s the theory that a small thing like the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings can lead to large consequences later like a hurricane. I haven’t fully understood the mechanics of how that happens but I feel like I am experiencing the butterfly effect in my life right now, where a small seed that is planted in my mind is sending ripples that are ever expanding and could lead to dramatic life change later on.

Ok so what happened was this – I facilitated the parable of the shrewd manager last Sunday, and as I prepared, I found out that I had misinterpreted this parable all along, or rather had just had a very superficial understanding of what it meant – something about Christians being more shrewd in the world and not getting conned. I never thought very much about the parable and some sentences definitely didn’t link with my explanation. Well, turns out the lesson of parable is nothing about that. In fact, it is a very relevant, very hard teaching that goes against the grain of what society espouses and lauds, and against what our flesh wants, teaching us about the best way to manage our money.

In the parable, a dishonest manager who is going to lose his job, used whatever time he had left while he was still manager to cancel huge debts owed to his master, so that he would have friends who would help him later when he was jobless. Firstly I was like what? Was what he did even legit? Cancelling his master's debts without seeking approval (sorry if my government side is showing - can't shake it off) and why wasn't his master angry? The passage says that the master commended him for his shrewdness!

Ok so first, my research reveals what he did was legit - as he appointed manager he did have some authority over the finances, much like how if you are a Director in a company you can sign off certain checks and approve expenditures up to a certain level. So I can accept that. And at that time he wasn't kicked out yet, just informed he would lose his job in the future. So while what he did was not to the master's benefit, it was not against the law. Another fellow facilitator (the one who went to theological seminary) added that in their society at that time, people were highly reciprocal, so he would expect these people to return the favour later, perhaps in about the same amount. And combined with how he doubted he could find another job after being laid off - the amounts he can cancelled ensured he could live off the favours for life. Pretty shrewd move on his part.

So one lesson we could learn from this is that we should use money, while we still have it, to maximise the benefit or advantage to us in the Long term. In fact the definition of shrewd is to have a good grasp of the situation, using it to one's advantage. Ok so far?

But Jesus says we ought to apply this type of shrewdness to the way we manage our money as Christians, so it's a bit odd. Are we to similarly "con" our Organisations of the money for our own benefit? Are we to provide for ourselves and accumulate wealth at all costs? Well turns out the objective of Christian life and the reward system set up by God are very different from the world's. God wants us to depend on Him and not money (ie not trust money or huge bank balances), and to be like Him (ie kind, compassionate, merciful and abundantly generous). And He rewards people who do that well with eternal treasures in heaven.

Which essentially means we ought to use temporal money to bless others, help the needy, and the more we do it, the more treasures we store up for ourselves in heaven that do not ever fade or disintegrate or lose their shiny newness (like buying freehold land except we get to enjoy it forever and not just for our lifespan). Sounds like a good investment doesn't it? We just don't know the exchange rate :)

So, any selfish Christian who only cares about ourselves and “preparing for our retirement” should do that! In fact the more we can outgive others, the better off we are. Another commentary said we should always manage our money in a way that ensures our dependence is on God and not money, which means not trusting in huge bank balances (akin to barns and huge storehouses of grain).

Ok hard teachings (this trader in our midst kept exclaiming to himself this was very relevant to him) but I am definitely going to accelerate my rate of accumulating heavenly treasures. Gonna set some limits to what I intend to spend and save, and give the rest away…. Gotta be shrewd and not naive!

The Beauty of Old Age

Today I went for CE’s farewell dinner at this really nice place called Aura Sky Lounge. I realised after I got there that this was the place 2 of my friends got married at, which with the long tables and their overflowing flower arrangements, name plates with stylistic font and 4-course western lunch, was really a nice leisurely European-style wedding lunch. So unlike the Chinese dinner versions (which are nice too in a different way but urgh too many of them). The view there at night was gorgeous and breathtaking, inviting you to hang around outside with a drink in hand while socialising. Even socialising in such a glam place expands your mind, makes you want to talk loftier things, things closer to your heart.

I must say the dinner started on a positive note, with me collecting a red wine rather immediately from a waiter standing strategically near the entrance with a tray full of reds, getting my table number and spotting my colleagues sitting outside. But as I made my way over, I bumped into 2 of my peers in other departments, with whom we had been slogging it out on a new piece of legislation the past few weeks. I must say I was abnormally delighted to see them. Although there were some initial frictions and annoyances working together with one of them (whom I thought was a bit anal and unfeeling), after working round the clock for about a week together, seeing one another's professional expertise showing, having been scolded together, having been in scary meetings with a rather stern AGC together and having had differences with the Ministry together, and complained together over IM, we now feel like comrades, with genuine appreciation of one another is capable of, is about, and who like one another. So I joined them immediately and we ended talking there for quite a while about how our items at the last CE meeting went and other work we were busy with other than the legislation, and generally lamenting on the large volume of work that seemed to plague many employees of my current organisation. I must say it gave me a rather deep sense of satisfaction, to be able to talk happily with people other than those in my dept despite the rather rocky relations this year.

Anyway after a while my boss and colleagues came looking for me (they figured since I didn't appear after so long I must have gotten waylaid somewhere) and we got our seats inside (fixed seating!). I still had a great view outside and I wished I had good dinner mates with whom we could have stimulating conversation. I mean good food, good wine, great view, all that’s missing is great conversation! The dinner then progressed quite ordinarily (with quite a few people around me quite curious about my vegan option) until the speeches started happening – and I must say the men were more humorous generally than the women, usually giving tongue-in-cheek and also honest recountings of difficult and challenging situations that they most remembered CE in. And CE spontaneously and gamely went up each time after each speech to give a “rejoinder” or his own response to their versions of the story, and also to give them a hug (except the women). There was a lot of laughter and jesting, even among the men at my table - some even between the boss and his staff (“Eh I always see you at these functions, I think you are quite the slacker you know? I have a little book where I write down who are slackers, and you are on top of my list!”,"Walau boss...." "Hahaha, this is a case of damned if you go, damned if you don’t!”, and “hey my civil side is all ready, can your electrical and mechanical side stop holding us up? Your holding me up you know? You… Eh eh boss come already. Cheers cheers.”) Somewhere in the midst of all this wince-inducing sparring, I realised a lot of the ragging that goes on was actually in good fun and jest and these were men who had worked together for many many years, over various infrastructural projects. Another strange dynamic in my organisation :P

Another highlight of the dinner happened when this Caucasian elderly man opposite me (Eric) started asking me how I found this organisation that I had only been working for a year in. And when I told him I was taken aback by the volume of work to handle and also because I was a rather detailed person, he smiled genially and said with a twinkle in his eye well, then you can’t do that anymore. It was the way he said it, and his demeanour. There is somehow this slowness, relaxedness and profoundness that comes with old age. Wise words to chew on in future. He also mentioned 80-20 and all that. All true.

And then I started asking him if he had been in this field all his life which led him to start talking about the various countries he had been to and his work and then about Scotland and Singapore. And as I was comparing Singapore to other countries like UK and Europe and US where people seemed less materialistic and more into beliefs and ideals, he said I had to understand that Singapore was a very young country, and had achieved a lot on a very short time, and how impressed he was that people could actually better their lives if they sent their kids through school. And that other countries had much longer histories and the people were generally richer too. So there. And I just felt this sense of tapping into a rich source when I was talking to him because (I) he didn’t seem to be in a hurry, which I have always admired in people, who could be slow and leisurely in their responses even when they were incredibly busy and (ii) he knew a lot of history (eg how it wasn’t so long ago that long haul flights weren’t possible and people travelled by boat!). And he also gave more balanced replies with a bit of a wry humourous expression when he replied me which balanced out my youthful angst and energy. I got the impression he wasn’t easily put off by my silly answers and he was also a lot more patient than me. Ah the beauty of the wisdom of old age! I wish I would be like that when I grow old!

Herd Instinct

I recently encountered two "alpha males" in my course of work, and it was an eye-opening experience. Both of them exuded zest and alacrity in their actions (as opposed to lethargy, apathy and various states of zombification), displayed a positive and 'can do' attitude towards things, that was so refreshing amidst a growing sense of negativity and complaints of people around me, a curious mind and a breezing disregard for superficial objections by people who say it cannot be done. Both were focused, driven, and absorbed in the task they were doing, and respectful of the different talents in their team (perhaps to varying degrees). They both described the end goal in such inspiring, lofty terms, that the people around them who were still mulling over the large amount of work that had to be done (and some never rise beyond that), were left feeling slightly- yes, inspired. Of course, being alpha males, there was a certain amount of one-up-manship, varying displays of (reckless) bravado and competition, of jockeying for space, but I could not help observing how the sheer power of their drive had a cascading effect of setting the people around them into motion as well, to be more "present", more engaged, in short, more alive.

I once read a book that said the way to keep one's passion was to be with passionate people, or like-minded, kindred souls. When I read it, I did not fully understand the point and even scoffed at it. How could that be a key factor in keeping one's passion? Surely a passionate person who has a clear vision could stay perfectly driven and passionate even when he or she was surrounded by people who were otherwise? But perhaps there is some truth in it after all.

The human psyche is such that we run with the herd. You know how people say it takes a long time to break one record, but once it is done, many others go on to break it? We tend to observe the people around us, and to model after them sub-consciously, in speech, in thought, in action. Knowing this, we should probably: (i) watch our speech and conduct carefully, as there is surely a knock-on effect on others, perhaps more than we realise, and (ii) we should be mindful of the people we are with, as we may be emulating them unknowingly.

Of course not everyone has the priviledge to be with people who inspire us, or who are excellent in what they do. But if we do, this certainly goes a long way in stretching our horizons, stoking our imagination, spurring us to reach further than we would have done ourselves. If we are with people who are going in the right direction, we tend to follow suite. And vice versa. Not by our sheer individual effort, but by the mere drifting along with the crowd. It is a scary thought.

Health is so Precious

I just finished a visit to an ENT specialist to get my hearing checked out - a first for me. The reason I ended up here at the very nice amount Elizabeth Novena (not the one at Orchard which Google Maps misled me to going to, thank God I was early by half an hour for once and had time to catch the shuttle bus to the Novena branch! This is not the first time I’ve been played out by these so-called wayfinding apps) is because after attending a particularly noisy D&D (in part the Emcee was very boisterous, in part the Organising committee just amped up the volume way too loud at the end, trying to turn it into some disco), I suffered a blocked feeling in my left ear 2 days after the event, making me feel like my left ear was stuffed with cotton wool (which I ended up doing but more on that later), which gradually turned into a low buzzing sound that got louder and louder, becoming especially irritating when I was in quiet rooms, such that I started feeling agitated by the sound. It was literally driving me slightly crazy. As I was complaining after dinner last night and my dad suggested that I stuff cotton wool into my left ear to stop the buzzing. Strangely, it worked, so I spent the rest of the night walking around the house, playing with the kids with this white ball of fluff sticking out of my left ear. I recall my baby girl looking at it very strangely. And then various well-meaning people whom I complained to urged me to get it checked out right away, warning me ominously that any delay could result in many unpleasant outcomes ranging from permanent hearing loss in BOTH ears, to having throat cancer (I jokingly told my colleague who told me that, that I would then finally have some real proof to show the admin guys who are dragging their feet in replacing our office furniture, that the formaldehyde situation in the office was really a health hazard).

My experience getting there was quite interesting in itself. Besides trusting the innocent-looking google maps instructions, I bought an iced coffee at a vending machine near where I was waiting for the shuttle service, and was looking for place to discard my coffee can by the time I reached Mount E (Novena). However after walking for a bit, I concluded a private hospital was unlikely to have recycling bins, and dumped it with great regret into a dustbin. Then as I turned the corner to take the lift, I saw a nice shiny row of recycling bins!! I felt this huge jolt of dismay course through my veins and could not help muttering to myself under my breath "Oh you of little faith!". That was when I found myself thinking how wonderful it would be if we could have some personal assistant app that could advise us where the nearest recycling bins were ("only ten steps away!") and give us prompts if we typed in a location that has several branches ("Which Mount Elizebeth Hospital?"), and gives us accurate walk times ("With all the overhead bridges and traffic lights, and giving yourself some time to get lost, your walk time would be 30 minutes").

So, back to my ENT appointment. After a hearing test and some checks (I have never seen the inside of my ear in such detail before. Got to get my right ear cleaned out), she pronounced my hearing ok, but said that my blocked nose was probably causing my Eustachian tubes to be collapsed, lowering my middle ear pressure, and could be causing the buzzing sound and depressed hearing. It was all rather technical but I was expecting that, as it is the ear we are talking about. Of all the senses to have trouble with, my dad had told me early on in my life that hearing loss is IRREVERSIBLE, giving me a deathly fear of all problems ear-related and a healthy respect for this miraculous organ that God created. With all of medical advances, mankind still has not found a way to reconstruct or repair the eardrum once it is damaged. Hearing aids also look quite hideous and need battery power (although websites say they are now improved, but the designs I saw still looked pretty large and like they would stick out of our ears). What I took away from this (aside from a receipt for paying $250 in fees) was that I was so glad my hearing is ok and I get to keep my perfectly fine sense of hearing (thank you, ears, I've never paid much attention to you but you're doing a good job!) for another few decades (hopefully) cos it would really suck to have no hearing in one ear or both and have to wear hearing aids.

Oh, and on my way there, I saw a child alighting from the shuttle bus accompanied by her mom and dad. She was bald, wearing a bandana, and though she was tall, she was really really scrawny. From the back I could see her shoulder blades very prominently, sending shudders down my spine. She was probably a cancer patient, going through chemo. I felt a huge pang of sadness when I saw her, and thought back to my kids and how skinny they are, but it's skinniness born out of genes and not sickness. And I was reminded of how precious being in good health is, both for ourselevs and our loved ones. Like my pastor said, every morning when we can wake up, breathe air in our lungs, move around without problems, do meaningful work, and sit down to enjoy a good meal, we should get down on our knees and thank God for such lavish, abundant blessings. May we all remember this often.

Picking up Handphones

I was shopping for a secondhand, no-frills, no-camera handphone today to replace my brand new, blue and shiny one, because I wanted a handphone (1) with keys that did not give me a thumb spasm every time I typed a semi-long sms, (2) that did not consume so much energy that it needs charging every day, (3) had a nicer ring tone instead of the generic single beep.

As I was strolling around, carrying several bags of new year goodies for my mom, my handphone suddenly rang. After I fumbled for it in my bag for a few frantic moments, wondering if it would go out on me, I managed to extract it and it was my pastor. He wanted to ask if I was free this Sunday for dinner with the other members of my ministry. Nice. I thought it would be my mom with some instructions about something or other.

Anyway, after I hung up, I was pleased I had picked up the handphone, and I was musing about how some people do not like to pick up their handphones because (1) they think it is someone who has something unpleasant to say, (2) of the radiation that goes through the head every time the person talks on a handphone, (3) what can be so important to call rather than to sms (which is less radiation to read)? And yet, if a person is hard to get by handphone, he or she might miss out on all the pleasant surprises in life like this, or on some really, really important message.

So I thought perhaps a good story to write would be about a super team, or some team of people on a mission or task, and how one member in the team always picks up his/her handphone (probably the more reliable and organised one) and so is easily contactable, whereas the other person (usually the more quirky one, but more fun) does not like to pick up her handphone and hence is often lost in the action or doing her own thing. Which may not be a bad thing. I mean, hey, look at the hobbits in Lord of the Rings.

Ok, I got this idea down. Signing out.

First Things First

Wa, this must be the most difficult habit to put into practice.  This is the habit about drawing up weekly calendars which I found hard to sustain.  The idea is that we should set goals both long-term and short-term for the many roles in our lives, and every week, we should set weekly goals (a lot of goal-setting!) and schedule our activities for the week.  This way we organise our week around our priorities, and we can say no to other things.

Being Yourself vs Learning from Others

I mentioned in my previous post that I’m reading a book by Ellen DeGeneres called Seriously… I’m Kidding. I’ve finished that book and one of the chapters that left a deep impression was one on not comparing ourselves against others. I get that. It’s often toxic and not at all productive or realistic to keep comparing ourselves to others around us as we will inevitably find something others are better than us in. And then it matters what is our response. Do we beat ourselves up over it? Ah he or she is so xxyy. I’ll never be as xxyy as that person. Or do we try unconsciously to model ourselves more like that person?

Well Ellen says it best. I’ll quote her “I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush” and “It would be so boring to look out into the world and see hundreds of people who look and think exactly like me” and “who’s to say what’s better or worse anyway? Who’s to even say what’s normal or average? We’re all different people and we’re allowed to be different from one another”. I find what she says refreshing (although within limits of course, there are average weights, and weights that are probably not healthy for a human being. And some traits in people like sociopathic tendencies are probably safely classified as undesirable). But really, when we find ourselves feeling l Low about ourselves cos we just found ourselves lacking in a certain trait someone else has in buckets, I find this is a good reminder. And I’m also reminded of what my coach (yes I’m on some leadership course that gives me access to 4 sessions with a personal coach!) said once when I lamented that I lacked a particular trait which I found absolutely essential in Directors, and hence concluded I wasn’t ready to be one. He said, not in your organisation, but he felt there were other organisations where my personality trait would be much valued, and the trait I coveted so much, would be looked upon badly by the company and by teams.
Strange. But I guess I’ll take his word for it.

Another thing someone else told me during this leadership course I was on, is that sometimes we can try really hard to be like another person, but fail in the end cos we are just not wired like that person, and we can’t do a personality transplant. But we can learn some of what that person does well and incorporate it into our style and come up with our own unique style. I can identify with that – I really admired my Assistant Director when I was a junior Policy Executive. She was this lady who was decisive, big picture, gave clear timely instructions but never micro-managed, and gave credit when it was due. She was energetic and spunky and gutsy. She was also empathetic and nurturing when needed. Ah the best of a male and a female in a boss! So when she rotated out of my ministry, I aspired to be like her. I tried to fill her shoes, espccially when I became an AD later. However try as I might, I could not emulate her 100%, to my disappointment, but I like to think I managed to move myself along the spectrum of being more like her in certain aspects, but still being very me. There was also the story of the animals who were put into races that tested them on skills they were bad at, eg the Ducks were put in a race, rabbits asked to swim, birds asked to climb trees, and how when they were put in the tight races they fared so much better. While I believe we all have different inherent strengths and latent capabilities, and we are happiest when we can develop and exercise them, we can also develop things we currently don’t have if we apply ourselves, with effort and the right method/teacher.

So, another thought I had was – being happy in our uniqueness shouldn’t stop us from constantly learning and growing. And one way to do that is by learning from people who do it better than us. So it’s puzzling. But I think I can reconcile it like this – we should learn from others, but we should also be assured of our uniqueness and be well aware of our strengths, and always do things with the aim of being a better me, so I can contribute and function better in my role, rather than because I want to be better than them.

We are Living in a Material World…

Yesterday I saw a funny wall poster in a mall that said “The biggest regrets in life are the things I didn’t buy”. Funny. Well, I recently learnt a precious lesson on how we ought to relate to material things in life and just want to jot it down before I forget it.

It was my usual Sunday facilitators session and we were preparing notes on Philippians. W, who is finishing up his theology degree and the most diligent of us in preparing notes for each study (I am less regular) was sharing with us that according to a certain Christian teacher, the bible teaches us that helping the poor is not a matter of charity (i.e. voluntary) but justice (i.e. essential). The shoe in our cupboard we have not worn for eons and the food we throw away uneaten are all what we owe the poor. He went on to elaborate why this was so (e.g. often, the poor are that way because of the circumstances they were born in or found themselves in, and not through any lack in personal traits) and assured us that the teacher provided lots of bible verses as reference, which we could check out if we watched the video.

To me, this was the missing piece of the puzzle in my mind on how we should treat material possessions and wealth. Living in Singapore, a country that is as pragmatic and unabashed as they come in its goal to seek and maximise material prosperity (I think even China is more ideological than us), I have been convinced since my JC days that life must be about more than just pursuing material riches. I mentally checked out of this rat race a long time ago and had no trouble accepting the Christian teaching on the deceitfulness of wealth and not pursuing mammon as our God. However I could not find any teachings about not being incidentally wealthy as there are characters in the Bible who were so (eg Job, King Solomon, Abraham) although in my mind I just couldn’t gel a godly person who would at the same time live in a luxury condo (what are you trying to prove? Do you NEED to stay in one? Why not give the money to the poor or a good cause?) or driving a luxury car (same questions). However thus far it seemed like a matter of personal preference, something to be settled between them and God, with no absolute benchmark, and hence I have kept my mouth shut amidst conversations around me of upgrading, going on expensive holidays one after another, and what not. At the same time, I secretly admired the saints throw themselves wholeheartedly into a good cause or who invite the poor into their lives and share everything with them.

So here was a teaching that tells us anytime we have abundance we ought not to gather more but to share. Ok, I Guess different people may have different barometers on what constitutes abundance but it is still a starting point. For me, this settles a Long-Nagging problem of mine and now I am calmly settled in my mind as to how I should treat riches and material things. Have and keep what is necessary, and give away the rest. What liberating teaching!!!

The next step is figuring how this gels with my life with my husband, who umm… doesn’t quite see things the same way I do. Granted I haven’t quite shared this with him yet. I probably should although I wonder if it would make much difference. He drives a luxury car (cos he has to meet investor clients for work) and aspires to live in a condo. So much so that we bought a very expensive penthouse which will be ready by end of the year. Can’t quite back out now. The good thing is he is very open to discussing things with me, but he may not agree with me at the end of the day and I can only advise, not control him. If he insists on doing certain things in ways, we will just have to agree to disagree and to prevent civil strife, I’ll go along with his decision. Which means I’ll be one of those Christians living in a penthouse and owning a luxury car 😟. One of life’s ironies. The silver lining I can see in this is that we will be spending so much of our monthly income on house and car that it will result in us having much less money to spend and hence conversely, we may end up becoming even more generous to the poor, as we will have less in our bank account. Sometimes the more we have, the harder it is to let go. So I can still practice what the Christian teacher said about living simply and giving away unused things but just that we will have much less to give away compared to if we were living in a HDB flat or condo that is less expensive.

So ultimately, it is between us and God. We have to give a reckoning and an answer to God in every decision we made including on stewardship of resources so we just have to be able to live with ourselves.

The Importance of Slowing Down

On World Environment Day (5 June), I attended at a conference on sustainability. Such a broad, general topic. I was in a dark mood when I arrived, convinced that I would waste a whole morning listening to self-congratulatory speeches and banal, motherhood statements on sustainability, when I had a lot of work waiting back in office for me.

To my surprise, I found myself hearing of things I had never heard much of before. Things like the Circular Economy, and hearing about cool companies that were helping to make it happen like Airbnb (you open up spare rooms in homes to tourists), Uber (you offer to drive people who need a ride and/or are going the same way), Rent Tycoons (you offer to rent stuff you own to others), Block Pooling (people from the same neighbourhood share professional services, contacts, advice and lend/borrow stuff from one another). One speaker also talked about how IKEA bought back used Christmas trees from their customers for a fee, to be used to make furniture! This was a nice concept of a win-win.

It was immensely refreshing to hear about such awesome concepts that were good for the environment and also good business.

I thought about all the tasks I was busy with at work, and some of the concepts I had heard from the panellists was actually helping me change my perspective on how I would tackle some of them. And wasn't it ironic that here I was, supposedly wasting my time at an irrelevant conference, and having all these thoughts that might actually make a bigger impact on my work than if I had spent an incredibly efficient morning finishing all of my tasks really well.

A speaker talked about how "we are accelerating our thoughts and actions at a breathless rate" today. With internet literally on our fingertips, we can gather information, find out what other people are doing, consume news and entertainment at an incredible, continuous rate.

All this might make it seem like we can make really good decisions, but I actually think this might result in us making decisions similar to everybody else. Worse, all this information overload and busyness is stifling the creativity and our ability to think deeply about issues. Yes, I am not into Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. Yet I also fill whatever time I have with work, children, really good fiction novels (by the way, I recently discovered Michael Crichton - what a renaissance man!).

I realized that there is value in taking time to sit back and to think deeply about our situations, if not every day, then at least once a week. To take a step back, reflect on what has been happening in our lives, think about the roots of the problems, the bigger picture, ask ourselves questions and let our minds wander and come up with answers and solutions that are true to ourselves.

I am very sure that by taking a little time to do this every week, we will become a lot more focused and effective when we ARE busy. And we will be able to see a lot more clearly, through all the BS and the details that clutter up our eyeballs, ears and fog up our minds, the best answer and solution that has a big impact and would bring us nearer to our goals, not further.

As they say, fast is slow and slow is fast. Less is more and more is less.