Mindfulness

Recently due to the setting up of several WhatsApp groups at work, I have found myself constantly glued to my handphone. I used to marvel at how my boss (who is now on maternity leave) could respond to any WhatsApp msg within half an hour, and now I am one of them! But I must say this sort of responsiveness comes at a cost. I am a lot less mindful of what i am doing at any one time, of my surroundings, and even when I'm supposed to be relaxing, I find myself checking my Hp several times an hour, which smacks of a kind of distractedness which surely cannnot be good.

Due to the close shave with death my second Son experienced (for more on that, see my previous blog post), due to my fatigue from responding to WhatsApp msgs and fighting a fire all morning, I have been rethinking if I want to live this way. This was further confirmed from chatting with another coworker who talked about how she went from being always very conscious and deliberate and aware of what she was doing, where she had placed her things, to how one day she had carefully laid out a piece of Bak Kwa for a Bak Kwa sandwich, then absent-mindedly went to the kitchen and spread jam on her bread! When she came back out to the living room she was scratching her head as she never would have made such a mistake! We both realised and concluded that this sort of distractedness surely cannot be good for us long-term. I'm therefore a lot more aware of what I am doing now. I vow not to check my Hp so much and to not respond so fast, so immediately off i can help it.

Which brings me to another point - that of fear of man or or God. We all know we ought to fear God rather than man - stories of Daniel, Paul's lettters etc etc. But I am realising that practicing it in real life is much harder than I thought! For instance - why do i respond so quickly to my bosses? Why do I feel so edgy and full of unreat when they are angry or unhappy with something not going well? I feel quite ashamed - these are all redolent of fear of man. And I also realised I don't have the physical consistution to survive in a constantly high stress environment. I start feeling like going to the toilet,I get mysterious aches in my chest and armpits, I am just not doing well. So my conclusion is I need to get off this treadmill of seeking man's approval all the time, and just do what's right and do the best jin I can each day, as a love offering to my heavenly father And if that doesn't get appreciated, so be it. I should look only to my Heavenly Father for approval every day, every moment. Pray continuously, rejoice in the Lord, be joyful always, give thanks continually.

I cannot give thanks enough

Last week was a rough week for me, with events developing very fast, work spiralling out of control and meeting after meeting, but I do want to give thanks for 2 very important things that God did for me.
Yesterday at the food court, I was eating with baby and mum and maid and my 2 boys were playing with the escalators. To cut a Long story short, my younger boy ended up hanging onto the handrail of an escalator, walking up the metal side bar on the outside and didn't jump down in time and as he went higher and higher he started sobbing and there were horrified gasps from Singaporeans all round as I ran there and asked him to jump down. After a while he was too high and I ran up the escalator in the hopes of catching him on TOP and thankfully suddenly he was in the arms of a black t shirt stranger. I was soooo relieved. I wouldn't have caught him in time and I think he would have fallen and hit his spine from such a height and perhaps have been paralysed if not dead. I still can't digest this. I almost lost my boy or became a parent to a paralysed child. I think I seemed to have been very tired that day and my reaction time was like in molasses. Cos that morning I was answering WhatsApp messages nonstop from my bosses and fighting a fire. And then shocker number 2: I realised my wallet was missing. After hunting around fruitlessly, suspecting even this poor shuffling male cleaner who cleaned our table and kept touching his pockets (my mum trailed him to the toilet), I just sat there morosely at the foodcourt bench, in a daze, thinking about the money I lost, the need to freeze my credit cards and the cost of replacing my IC, and as I walked off, this young man came running up to me and said, did you lose a wallet? I said yes and he said they have it! Apparently I left it on a table next to the escalator l. Thank God!!!

The Joy of Appreciation

I have finally gotten down to writing all those New Year (was meant to be Christmas but hard to do in the thick of work and kids all demanding my attention) cards for most of my colleagus. I must say for once, I did something quite fruitful and productive with my hours of insomnia (too used to sleeping at 2 plus when I was on leave so hard to sleep before 12 even when I wanted to!) and actually finished writing thoughtful, individually personalised cards to each of my 18 colleagues.

I had the inspiration because of how wonderful the note I wrote to an ex-colleague was (I was so proud of it - it was inspiring, encouraging, warm and pretty cos I decorated it with stickers) and how good it made me feel. I was sure she appreciated it. So I decided since this was something I was good at, why not extend it to all my colleagues? Share the joy so to speak. So I bought this box of pretty cards from Urban Write, and set about doing it.

I must say I surprised myself, by having something nice to say even for colleagues I did not know very well or who only started work for a while. I tried to make each note personal, conversational, light-hearted and also made sure I added a note of appreciation for their work or their personalities. I would point out little things they suggested, good ideas, which i thought were brilliant, memorable work moments (eg stroller video, AM bill) and horrible work moments (eg AMK launch), and tried to show faith in them or some enthusiasm about what 2017 would bring in terms of work (eg our work would come into fruition and hopefully touch the lives of many Singaporeans). For some colleagues, I realised didn't need much words. I just had a say I must say I really enjoy working with you, and it would have said it all. For one particular colleague whom I have this chemistry with, of whom I am rather fond of, I tried using the approach for some others where I tried to point out what I appreciated about her, her reliableness, how i could always count on her to get her work done well, but it was starting to sound like work appraisal so i deleted them.

I also reverted to my cheesy Sec school/JC days where I started giving them labels on the front of the card, eg to my ever-smiling and sunny colleague, to my calm and unflappable colleague, to my fun and fashionable colleague, and I must say I was quite pleased with my effort, even though I was pairing these precious cards with packs of cheapo Famous Amos cookies which only cost me a dollar each (some sale at 7-Eleven). But I figured - I want to give them a practical thing they would definitely use/consume, and didn't want to break my bank doing it, so what better way than to give out chocolate chip cookies? Anyway the highlight of my gift was the card. Oh, and I also would end off each card, most cards, with wishing them a marvellous 2017 that is better than 2016, not because circumstances will be better (though i wish they will be) but because our reactions to things will be better! Something I learnt from Pastor Pacer's sermon at end of 2016.

The strange thing was that the day after I gave out these cards, several of them couldnt quite look me in The Eye or took the effort to come look for me to discuss something.

I read the parable of the Mustard seed today and I prayed that these little "seeds" would germinate and grow fruit that I may or may not see. God may you bless these little seeds and make them grow! Amen.

A Mind-Blowing Parable

Know about the butterfly effect? Well it’s the theory that a small thing like the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings can lead to large consequences later like a hurricane. I haven’t fully understood the mechanics of how that happens but I feel like I am experiencing the butterfly effect in my life right now, where a small seed that is planted in my mind is sending ripples that are ever expanding and could lead to dramatic life change later on.

Ok so what happened was this – I facilitated the parable of the shrewd manager last Sunday, and as I prepared, I found out that I had misinterpreted this parable all along, or rather had just had a very superficial understanding of what it meant – something about Christians being more shrewd in the world and not getting conned. I never thought very much about the parable and some sentences definitely didn’t link with my explanation. Well, turns out the lesson of parable is nothing about that. In fact, it is a very relevant, very hard teaching that goes against the grain of what society espouses and lauds, and against what our flesh wants, teaching us about the best way to manage our money.

In the parable, a dishonest manager who is going to lose his job, used whatever time he had left while he was still manager to cancel huge debts owed to his master, so that he would have friends who would help him later when he was jobless. Firstly I was like what? Was what he did even legit? Cancelling his master's debts without seeking approval (sorry if my government side is showing - can't shake it off) and why wasn't his master angry? The passage says that the master commended him for his shrewdness!

Ok so first, my research reveals what he did was legit - as he appointed manager he did have some authority over the finances, much like how if you are a Director in a company you can sign off certain checks and approve expenditures up to a certain level. So I can accept that. And at that time he wasn't kicked out yet, just informed he would lose his job in the future. So while what he did was not to the master's benefit, it was not against the law. Another fellow facilitator (the one who went to theological seminary) added that in their society at that time, people were highly reciprocal, so he would expect these people to return the favour later, perhaps in about the same amount. And combined with how he doubted he could find another job after being laid off - the amounts he can cancelled ensured he could live off the favours for life. Pretty shrewd move on his part.

So one lesson we could learn from this is that we should use money, while we still have it, to maximise the benefit or advantage to us in the Long term. In fact the definition of shrewd is to have a good grasp of the situation, using it to one's advantage. Ok so far?

But Jesus says we ought to apply this type of shrewdness to the way we manage our money as Christians, so it's a bit odd. Are we to similarly "con" our Organisations of the money for our own benefit? Are we to provide for ourselves and accumulate wealth at all costs? Well turns out the objective of Christian life and the reward system set up by God are very different from the world's. God wants us to depend on Him and not money (ie not trust money or huge bank balances), and to be like Him (ie kind, compassionate, merciful and abundantly generous). And He rewards people who do that well with eternal treasures in heaven.

Which essentially means we ought to use temporal money to bless others, help the needy, and the more we do it, the more treasures we store up for ourselves in heaven that do not ever fade or disintegrate or lose their shiny newness (like buying freehold land except we get to enjoy it forever and not just for our lifespan). Sounds like a good investment doesn't it? We just don't know the exchange rate :)

So, any selfish Christian who only cares about ourselves and “preparing for our retirement” should do that! In fact the more we can outgive others, the better off we are. Another commentary said we should always manage our money in a way that ensures our dependence is on God and not money, which means not trusting in huge bank balances (akin to barns and huge storehouses of grain).

Ok hard teachings (this trader in our midst kept exclaiming to himself this was very relevant to him) but I am definitely going to accelerate my rate of accumulating heavenly treasures. Gonna set some limits to what I intend to spend and save, and give the rest away…. Gotta be shrewd and not naive!

The Immense Satisfaction of Cooking

I am always on the lookout for moments of true pleasure in my life, either the temporal fleeting kind like “that was such a good cup of mocha” (Laaf cafe at Katong) or the more deep-in-your-belly satisfaction that also warms your heart, reflecting true enjoyment, and which brings back remnants of that feeling whenever you think about it (like writing a blog post I am proud of, or having prepared a very good bible study materials!). Well, turns out, cooking a wholesome, healthy meal for the whole family that does not take a lot of time, uses up food that is soon going bad (reduce food waste!), and costing less than if we ate out, gives me that deeeeep satisfaction I was describing earlier.

Let me describe a recent example that sparked this post – this was a Saturday, when my in-laws were out of town and so we had the whole day to ourselves. After eating out for lunch (yucky fatty Wee Nam Kee chicken rice), I had the idea of making cold noodles for everyone, using instant noodles instead of soba, and adding shredded carrots, cucumbers (which we had plenty) and I just had to go to the supermarket nearby to find some frozen salmon belly or similar meat that I could fry up in a jiffy to serve a delicious satisfying meal.

I managed to buy 2 packets of frozen halibut fillet (5.90 each) but after googling several recipes on how to fry halibut, which all seemed too difficult (need lots of oil to deep fry, or a big oven to bake them), I decided to just improvise and do it with the least time (as dinner time was fast approaching). So I cut up some carrots, the wilting vegetables in the fridge, lots of onions, a little garlic and some oyster mushrooms (to add some protein in case the fish wasn’t enough for so many people), cut up one halibut fillet and started cooking. I opted for noodle soup, which was faster than cold noodles, used the mi goreng instant noodles. So I fried up the garlic and onions, then added water and started cooking the carrots. Then I added the mushrooms, noodles, fish and lastly vegetables and when it was all done, I added the powder seasoning.

The end result was a very yummy (thanks to the seasoning) colourful bowl of noodle soup with lots of vegetables and also rich buttery cubes of fish. I was pleased though the fish wasn’t completely thawed, and I didn’t know the exact amount of time I needed to cook it, it turned out exactly right. I cooked several batches for kids, myself, maid, husband and mom and they all liked it. And they had fibre (unlike when you eat outside), and I only used 1 halibut fillet and half a pack of oyster mushrooms, plus used up those vegetables that we’re going to get thrown away if they didn’t get cooked soon. I think this meal appealed to the healthy-eating, reduce food-waste, economical side of me. *Smile*

80-20

It's that time of the year again, December, when no one (well at least me) really feels like working and after slogging at an insane pace in Oct and Nov (and pretty much all year round), I really feel like slowing down and spending more time with my kids and family and friends. And to take some time off for myself. But alas, work never stops and the two days that I spent back at work turned out to be quite busy and I still haven't managed to clear those few large pieces of work I had been meaning to. Sigh... One way is to take th advice of the nice octogenarian I spoke to at a recent farewell dinner, and to stop vetting everything in great detail (which is what I feel passes my own standard) so that the work can at least proceed and I am not a bottleneck. 80-20 and that sort of thing. Well I think I finally need to do that because I have quite a bit of admin still to do and that dratted work and other urgent but not-important stuff to clear! Sigh...

Michael Crichton - Renaissance Man

I am always on the hunt for new authors and good books. Recently I found a new author called Neal Shusterman who wrote a pretty well-reviewed young adult dystopian trilogy (actually maybe a quarlogy since he has four books in the series) starting with the book "Unwind" and it was pretty good and it introduced new concepts of what a horrible future might hold, but the characters were not memorable Nor outstanding enough, compared to The Hunger Games or Harry Potter or even Lord of the Rings.

Next I should logically have gone on to borrow the next book in the series called "Unwholly" but as it was mostly borrowed out, I hunted through the shelves for my favourite authors and found a new book I had not read from a tried and tested good author -Michael Crichton, called Congo. I must say the title didn't really attract me Nor appeal to me and I would have definitely picked another title if available, but alas I had read all the other Michae Crichton books on the shelf - Micro, State of Play, Disclosure - so I just grabbed it. I mean, a story about some violent evolved gorilla in the Congo rainforest in Africa, it just could not be more unrelatable to a hectic working mom in the city state of Singapore.

However, that is where the hands of a master changes everything. The book was so well-researched and introduced a far-off, alien world in such a layman, accessible and interesting manner, with a sense of grandeur and not even much trying (the subject matter is grand and mysterious enough) on the back of tight, polished writing and a fascinating plot, that you just get easily transposed into the world without much effort (the resistance was picking up the title in the first place) and find your mind being expanded, made to think of science and biology and geography and tribes and cannibalism and early exploration and jungle expeditions, alongside a whopping good story. The action and introduction of new material never stops, and I wonder how he finds out all these new information - if he has been in the Congo rainforest himself, made a trek, climbed a volcano, interacted with gorillas. I also loved the exchanges between the gorilla and the trainer, and understanding how intelligent they can be.

So, suffice to say I am duly impressed by Michael Crichton as a writer and a scientist and geographer and anthropologist and just - all round renaissance man! He makes me feel that this is another genre of writing I could go into - which is something like Lisa Genova - Writers who introduce you to a topic that is not as well understood but immensely relevant to modern day living. Another writer who achieves that is Robin Cook, another one of my favourites because he introduces medical dilemmas, ethical problems associated with medicine and the practice of it, and also the world of doctors and the inner workings of hositals and morgues and police investigations, that is also not as accessible to the common man but also endlessly fascinating. I love reading! And I hope to contribute to this expanding body of work too, in my own way. Perhaps a story on Singapore government and scientific dystopia? Hahaha. Could make for a fun writing assignment.