A Day in my Maternity Leave

Hello there!

In case I forget what I've done during my maternity leave (people always think it's an extended holiday, but actually I find it quite busy leh, but of a different sort), here is a chronicle of today:

• 7am: Woke up to feed Caleb, changed his diaper; Jack awakened but my mom making him milk, so I gratefully went back to sleep
• 9am: Caleb fussing again, so I woke up and fed him, Jack running around (the energiser bunny is up!), but went back to sleep, stilling my guilty feelings at not playing with Jack and delegating it to the maid
• 11am: Woke up proper (woke up 2-3 times last night so needed the extra sleep), Jack playing quietly  on the floor with the jigsaw puzzles I bought for him this past weekend from Harbourfront Centre (love that place) and some other toys.  Changed up, packed the silver bag and got ready to go out with Caleb, so I can eat a leisurely brunch without having to rush back to breastfeed. 
• 1230pm: Waited until Jack is being rocked in sarong for his afternoon nap before sneaking out with Caleb and stroller, the Straits Times and a library book.  Felt a sense of liberty as I boarded the bus to Tampines Interchange and looked forward to an extended brunch at my favourite restaurant in Tampines, Kim Gary (precious time alone!).  They sat me near the door, but I parked the stroller where I could see baby but away from the air-con vents, ordered a baked rice set, and read ST as baby slept.  He woke up a short while later (he never sleeps long in the stroller, on his back) and stared wide-eyed in the stroller for a while, turning his head from side to side, as if not sure where he is.  I crossed my fingers and ate nervously, wondering when he would start making noises and really cry which would mean I have to stop eating and pick him up.  One of the consequences of having a baby is that extended periods of meal-eating are a luxury.  Meals are often interrupted, and being a person not used to interrupting my meals, this has been a big change - but I guess that's what motherhood is all about.      
• At some point, he started making fussing noises, so I breastfed him under the wrap, changed his diaper and he fell asleep again.  I put him back in the stroller, and went back to eating, feeling a little smug at succeeding to be a modern mom for an afternoon, who can settle her baby calmly and efficiently while doing things she likes (who says quality of life has to suffer - much?).  Now that I think of it, the past few times I've been in Kim Gary have not been that enjoyable or memorable because I left baby at home and always have to rush back after about an hour in case baby wakes up and cries.  One of the pleasures of eating out in a nice restaurant is enjoying the ambience, which in my case is reading a good book and sipping my tea (they serve a mean iced milk tea), not just downing the food, and you need time to do that. 
• Shortly after, as I was in the middle of reading about how China is meddling in the ASEAN body (wa such grown-up topics, such a change for my brain, which has been occupied so far with carrying a baby, feeding him, changing diapers of both, and playing games with Jack), he woke up again, and so I carried him while I finished eating.  Then I paid and went over to Urban Write to hunt for a Christmas gift for a dear friend who insists on giving me gifts every year.  I realised that saying I am not a "gifts" person does not cut it anymore, and being on maternity leave around end of the year, I went traipsing around in the hip and colourful stationery/gift store, knowing I'll have better luck there than in vivo the other day.  As soon as I walked into the interior, pushing the stroller, I realised they had decorated the front part, stocking a set of Christmas gifts on 2 tables with a catalogue to help hapless shoppers like myself.  I soon found a great gift - a necklace holder shaped like a tree.  I always pick gifts that I myself would like, which I am not sure is always a good idea, but I can never make myself give someone something I myself wouldn't use.  But this means I keep wondering if I should buy TWO of it.  I mean, which girl has a good place to keep her necklaces - which?   I rest my case.  A good storage thing for necklaces is almost non-existent, resulting in me spending some part of my workday every day hunting for necklaces amidst the tangled maze and disentangling them before finding one I like, a waste of time and an unpleasant task.  I was also tempted to get a cool-shaped booklight for myself, as it was going at a discount ($14 instead of $17.90), but then recalled why I never used booklights, as the light they shine is too focused and narrow on a part of the page to make for pleasurable reading.  Then I bought a nice wrapping paper and got the store assistant to wrap it up for me, and feeling very "Christmassy" and "giving" ', I went out of the store and headed to the library.
• In the library, I managed to find a few parenting books (I am starting to feel like a clueless parent - Jack is increasingly bored at home, having seemingly lost interest in books and many of his toys) and a book for Jack (must still try), changed Caleb's diaper again as he cried the whole time (the thing about Caleb is - once he starts crying, he doesn't stop even when you are doing things to clean him or feed him, it's like his brain shuts down to all stimuli and is programmed to only stop when he is picked up or is sucking), put him back in the stroller, and went to borrow it.  As I was checking out the book, Caleb started bawling in earnest again, and though I wanted to finish borrowing the items before carrying him, he was screaming blue murder in the stroller and the nasty looks I was getting from people around me finally caused me to give in and carry him (he stopped crying immediately), and borrowed the book one-handed, throwing it unceremoniously in the stroller and then wheeling everything out.
• I went to take the bus home and on the bus, 2 moms with young kids exclaimed - "Wa!  Ni zhe me li hai ah!  Yi shou bao baby yi shou tui che!".  Yes I felt like the wonder mom.
• 5pm: Reached home, saw that Jack was still eating his lunch and went to take a shower (ah, a luxury! Alone time again!). 
• 545pm: Mom made Caleb sleep, so I brought Jack downstairs to the playground to run around (after reading that toddlers need a lot of time outdoors to expend their energies), and some little girl was blowing bubbles, which a few kids were excitedly bursting.  I put Jack down who joined in as well.  Then some young boys came out from the pre-school nearby, and all the boys started playing catching, where the young boys chased the older ones.  As Jack stood there, one boy streaked past, shrieking excitedly.  Jack stared at him, then another flew past in a whirlwind, and Jack did a little jump and made an excited sound.  He clearly was getting into the spirit of catching.  Then as I saw the boys streak up and down the slopes, then reverse and speed in the other direction when the chaser becomes the chasee, running and shrieking, I realised how this was what boys were meant to do (the girls were all sitting or standing around the playground playing their own things), and that this was the essence of boyhood - running like mad, adrenaline pumping and shrieking your heads off.  I laughed and let Jack do his own running round and round.  He now loves climbing up the grassy slopes and down again, crossing the drains, holding my hand less and less.  Finally he led my hand to our lift (a first, when he wants to go back before me!) and I washed him, gave him some water and in the sarong he went again for his second nap.
• At night, after carrying Caleb for a long time (he woke up and wanted to be carried, crying whenever he is put down), my hubby came back and played with Jack who wasn't sleeping, thank God.  I fed Caleb and my dad took over carrying him so I could have my dinner, and took over carrying Caleb again.  He finally settled down  around 1030pm and I could get onto my computer to do the perf report my boss asked me to do, while hubby got on the computer to do some research for work as well.  It was a peaceful time in the house, with my mom watching Korean drama in the living room.  I made myself a cup of iced decaf coffee (which tasted so good) and sat there drinking while I deleted unwanted emails and drafted some pointers, sitting at my new makeshift desk in front of my bedroom window (did I tell you the kitchen chair fits the table and my legs perfectly?).  I felt perfectly at ease and at peace then.  We worked till 1am, when I managed to send out the pointers, then I read half of "Show Mom How" (it's not as funny as Show Dad How and it's scary how many of the points I already know) and went to sleep though I wasn't that tired yet.  Need my rest for another day!

Baby's Development

8 Oct 2011

Some milestones in my baby's development:

• He now loves to stand up straight on both legs when we carry him upright and let him stand. He stiffens his legs, puffs out his chest and looks around happily at his new vantage point, with a look on his face undisputably one of pride (if you can imagine that on a baby's face). And delight. And he doesn't want to go down from that position. Though we try to make him sit down, he will keep his legs straight.
• He likes to bring his hands together in a sort of missed clap when he is delighted now. My dad is teaching him to do a high-five.
• When he is on his tummy, and he sees me near him on one side, he will then roll towards me, and he will keep rolling until he is nestled up against me. And he likes it when my hubby and I kiss him, on his neck, his cheeks, his head, everywhere. He will lie very still with a look on his face that looks like he is enjoying it. And he doesn't move when we kiss him. Ever. For such an active baby, that's quite a record.
• He loves it now when I carry him and sing the Hokkien folk song "Ti or or, beh lor hor..." while swinging from side to side, and I punctuate the song with occasional "Achoo!"s. He breaks into a wide grin, and then occasionally gurgles with laughter. It's hilarious.
• He likes it when we play "Ni de ming jiao...." and then look away, and pop back into his sight with a loud "xiao guai guai/handsome boy/ bo si tiam!"
• He also likes our peek-a-boo games, where we go "Mummy na li leh... Hi!" - although there was that one time when my hubby played it and he was so good at scaring him the corners of his lips started turning down and he started crying. I think it's cos hubby says "Hi2" instead of "Hi1" and that's different to him. And he's too sudden and leapt forward too much.
• He loves to be carried upright and be able to peer over our shoulders.
• He loves cars, and Chinese Kungfu. When my hubby or my dad plays kungfu moves in front of him, he gets very excited, either kicking his legs in his unique way (both his legs land together, hard), and sometimes his hands wave and move together in a haphazard fashion, and sometimes he makes his lengthy vowel sounds while eating his hands.
• He is generally a very active, serious baby. Comparing him with other babies (Frankie's, this baby girl in the elevator today), he is not as quick or ready to smile, or the sort who gurgles happily to himself. But when he plays, he is very intense and gets very happy and excited. When he used to play kick-kick with us in his bouncer, he can get this very determined, focused, almost fierce look in kicking along with us, and his cries are those of intensity and focus rather than playful ones.
• He is very very interested whenever we eat or drink in front of him. When I bring a cup to my lips, his eyes are inadvertently on me rather than on anything or anyone else. He seems to know we are eating or drinking and is very fascinated by it.
• He seems to be left-handed, as he reaches for most things with his left hand first

Shopping with Baby

Hello!

I went shopping with baby and my good friend J today.. and it was so funny. I am totally not used to pushing a stroller with a baby while shopping, and to make it even more distracting, while chatting with my favourite friend... so some classic moments:

- As we were walking out of a lift, I was so engrossed talking to her, I wasn't watching where I was pushing and I accidentally pushed the stroller into a wall. We both burst out laughing then. This is so like old times when we walk, I wouldn't watch where I was going or where my hands were flailing and I would walk into people or accidentally hit people.. Except now it's with a stroller :P

- As we were checking out Mac laptops, I left the stroller parked a short distance from me facing away, and as I was listening intently to a salesman explaining the difference between a MacBook Air and MacBook Pro, in the distance I heard a baby wailing,  I was thinking to myself "Ah, there's a baby crying in the store", until a while later, it clicked and I realised "Oh dear, it's mine!". Sure enough, when I checked, there he was wailing away in the stroller, with noone to look after him. The poor guy. I am totally not used to realising I am the mom of a little kid and I have to pay attention to him at all times :P Same thing repeats itself when I'm grocery shopping with baby. I have a tendency to leave him parked somewhere while I go browsing along the aisles..

Names

Today during bible study discussions, we started talking about names, and we found out that to our surprise, the name Simon (Peter's original name) actually means unloved, or hated. And Peter, of course, means rock.

And then we started saying how people should not call kids Simon, and people started sharing funny names. Like

A Nigerian football player called "Oh dear" or something that sounds like that

An American soccer player whose last name is Demerit :P

And a Singapore Prof who is called Chew Shit Fun!!!

Oh my gosh, that is a classic....

Movies!!!

Hi!!! Firstly, what am I doing watching movies when I should be busy working on the upcoming Energy Challenge Fair which has lots to do and settle, I don't know. Maybe it's precisely that stress which is driving me to relieve some of it in the big screen! And relieve it it did!!

I watched Robin Hood on a whim last Wed, and it turned out to be a totally enjoyable, immersive experience! I totally enjoyed this movie from start to finish. I am not a fan of Russell Crowe, but I am now! Although he is not what I would call good-looking at all, he just seems to command so much on-screen presence, and portray that battle-weary, understated, yet morally good, fight-for-justice hero that you find yourself totally sympathising with and rooting for him. I found the take on the storyline refreshing, and the historical background on a king taxing the poor too much, peasant revolt and the war between England and France lends a nice realistic feel to the whole movie, not to mention the stunning natural scenery at that time (do we still have such beautiful, idyllic places on earth?), a detailed, beautiful portrayal of the simplicity of life back then, and not to mention the strong characters and understated chemistry between Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchette. I love it! The love that blossoms between a guarded, strong and curt, no-nonsense lady and an strong, capable, righteous and responsible fighter.

I thought the kings were poorly cast though, as was Mark Strong, who didn't look very much like the bad guy. I was thinking he could easily be a good guy! But the French princess was perfect. She couldn't look more nubile and wilful. Besides Marion, the story also had other cute characters like the bee-keeping friar, and wonderful lines. All in all, I liked the entire movie as it had something to offer of everything. Some social justice elements, a budding romance, a weak king, a traitor, a tense battle etc etc.

I also rewatched gladiator last night (stayed up until 130am!) after I watched robin hood, and it's seriously awesome! I loved the wounded, intense look that Russell Crowe has. Makes you completely root for him as a believeable hero, and he has the build and the walk of a soldier, and wields the sword very convincingly too.

Let's see, my favourite scenes in Robin Hood: His interactions with Marion are all pretty funny and tense, the tension and dialogue between the two keeps you sitting at the edge of your seats wondering how it will pan out.

The funny scene when he sees his friends the next morning, and he tells them he is Marion's husband, and one guy who is drinking soup looks up in awe and goes, "Well played!"

Gladiator: The scene right after the battle, when he enters the tent still in his battle armour, dirty, grimy, and goes to wash his hands of blood in the basin. He casts a look at the celebrations ongoing. You get the feeling of a great battle won, the victory is sure, and the hero, the leader, when you expect him to be euphoric, lapping up the attention, is however looking weary, relaxed, glad it is all over, and yet kinda alone. You just feel for him!

The scene when after the war, he walks around the soldiers' tents on the outside, and goes up to stroke the nose of a horse. Again, the leader who is out walking the fields, taking care of business, instead of schnoozing and enjoying himself with the higher-uppers.

Books I've Read

Hello!

I have finished reading 2 books - The Time Travellor's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger and Till We Have Faces by CS Lewis. These were books I borrowed recently from the Tampines Library. My verdict is: Time Travellor's Wife was a pointless book. I shouldn't have wasted my time on it, except for the fact that a well-respected friend of mine highly recommended it, together with his wife. Both said they cried at the end, and this friend of mine was a guy's guy. In the end, the book was so repetitive, the plot was so thin, and the characters so unmemorable and so myopically into each other and noone else (yuck), that I do not empathise at all with the characters and wonder how this book ever made it to the bestseller's list. The only redeeming point was that the 2 characters ended up waiting for each other their whole lives, even though one died. So, it's kinda touching, although as i said, I can't see what they see in each other. Both characters are very one-dimensional. THe only trait I can tell is their inloved-ness in each other. Bleah...

The other book, Till We Have Faces, is so much more promising. The plot is a Greek classical story, and has elements of the Arthurian age - sword fights, wars, sacrifices of pretty women to the gods to alleviate bad weather, falling in love with someone who is noble and true and honest, but the really interesting twist to this whole story is that it explores the fate of someone who is an ugly girl. In fact, the whole story is narrated from the point of view of this girl, who is sister to 2 really pretty sisters. It is an interesting situation, and how she is treated by all the men, even her own father. And how her love for her sister eventually drives her to do a crazy thing, and how she buried all these hurts and tormented doubts deep in her heart, but learnt a lot of skills and eventually became a ruler of the country, and how she is loveless all her life. It is bittersweet.

Capitalism and the rising cost of living

Today as I was riding in the car on my way home with my hubby, he said his life wasn't fun enough, and I mused that I never felt that way. He asked me how I had fun, and I said I have fun thinking about my day, reflecting on perhaps the sermon that was preached on Sunday, and the friends I met, the conversations we had, what went wrong at work and how I can solve it... and all these things are fun to me.

I started talking about how I really am annoyed by capitalism, which causes the widening income-gap divide, and the rising cost of living in Singapore now (people now find it hard to afford HDB flats, cars, and I am sure the price of food, transport, movies, everything is just more steep now). A colleague in his late 40s/early 50s told me life used to be so much slower in the past, and people with a civil service job could afford a lot of things. I guess it's still true today. But even more so in the past. People could buy more with their meagre paycheck and lead more relaxed lives. Things just didn't move so fast and there weren't so many things to have to settle.

Then I was musing today that today it is unthinkable for a couple to share a laptop. You MUST have 2 laptops, one for each. Then I thought, it wasn't that long ago that a family would only have 1 computer! And if you needed to check your email, it was once in a while, and it was a big deal, and you logged on just for a while and then logged off cos there was nothing left to check and you had better things to do. What a different world this is from now! I am sure with iPhone, soon everyone will need their own computer and iPhone! And be online all the time...

This girl I have been mentoring just blogged that she realised upon reflection that she has been leading a rather mindless, escapist life and not been giving 100% because she did before and failed, and it was fear of failure.... What a shocking revelation, and you know, it's kind of true. I have noticed that she is tend of... mediocre when she could be fabulous! It's like, she's afraid to try and give it a heroic attempt. I wonder how to get her to do so... to encourage her to be serious about something and go for it! I have no such problems. In fact, I almost give everything my best. If I gave a half-hearted effort... unless it was something i really didn't care about (even then), it just would feel too weird.

I was counselling someone not to worry about money and the future, because our security should be in God all the time, and not only when we have a huge nest egg stored away (especially not then, as money can vanish anytime), when this was one of those bizarre right-back-at-you moments, and I realised what I was mouthing applied right to me too, in terms of putting my security in God. I realised I do feel insecure sometimes, because I compare subconsciously with others, and with my own expectations of what I thought I ought to have achieved by now... but all that is just illusions and transient stuff. What matters is what God wants for me, and what God has planned for me. And I know I can count on this verse "'I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you..." and "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 Cor 2:9.