A Mind-Blowing Parable

Know about the butterfly effect? Well it’s the theory that a small thing like the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings can lead to large consequences later like a hurricane. I haven’t fully understood the mechanics of how that happens but I feel like I am experiencing the butterfly effect in my life right now, where a small seed that is planted in my mind is sending ripples that are ever expanding and could lead to dramatic life change later on.

Ok so what happened was this – I facilitated the parable of the shrewd manager last Sunday, and as I prepared, I found out that I had misinterpreted this parable all along, or rather had just had a very superficial understanding of what it meant – something about Christians being more shrewd in the world and not getting conned. I never thought very much about the parable and some sentences definitely didn’t link with my explanation. Well, turns out the lesson of parable is nothing about that. In fact, it is a very relevant, very hard teaching that goes against the grain of what society espouses and lauds, and against what our flesh wants, teaching us about the best way to manage our money.

In the parable, a dishonest manager who is going to lose his job, used whatever time he had left while he was still manager to cancel huge debts owed to his master, so that he would have friends who would help him later when he was jobless. Firstly I was like what? Was what he did even legit? Cancelling his master's debts without seeking approval (sorry if my government side is showing - can't shake it off) and why wasn't his master angry? The passage says that the master commended him for his shrewdness!

Ok so first, my research reveals what he did was legit - as he appointed manager he did have some authority over the finances, much like how if you are a Director in a company you can sign off certain checks and approve expenditures up to a certain level. So I can accept that. And at that time he wasn't kicked out yet, just informed he would lose his job in the future. So while what he did was not to the master's benefit, it was not against the law. Another fellow facilitator (the one who went to theological seminary) added that in their society at that time, people were highly reciprocal, so he would expect these people to return the favour later, perhaps in about the same amount. And combined with how he doubted he could find another job after being laid off - the amounts he can cancelled ensured he could live off the favours for life. Pretty shrewd move on his part.

So one lesson we could learn from this is that we should use money, while we still have it, to maximise the benefit or advantage to us in the Long term. In fact the definition of shrewd is to have a good grasp of the situation, using it to one's advantage. Ok so far?

But Jesus says we ought to apply this type of shrewdness to the way we manage our money as Christians, so it's a bit odd. Are we to similarly "con" our Organisations of the money for our own benefit? Are we to provide for ourselves and accumulate wealth at all costs? Well turns out the objective of Christian life and the reward system set up by God are very different from the world's. God wants us to depend on Him and not money (ie not trust money or huge bank balances), and to be like Him (ie kind, compassionate, merciful and abundantly generous). And He rewards people who do that well with eternal treasures in heaven.

Which essentially means we ought to use temporal money to bless others, help the needy, and the more we do it, the more treasures we store up for ourselves in heaven that do not ever fade or disintegrate or lose their shiny newness (like buying freehold land except we get to enjoy it forever and not just for our lifespan). Sounds like a good investment doesn't it? We just don't know the exchange rate :)

So, any selfish Christian who only cares about ourselves and “preparing for our retirement” should do that! In fact the more we can outgive others, the better off we are. Another commentary said we should always manage our money in a way that ensures our dependence is on God and not money, which means not trusting in huge bank balances (akin to barns and huge storehouses of grain).

Ok hard teachings (this trader in our midst kept exclaiming to himself this was very relevant to him) but I am definitely going to accelerate my rate of accumulating heavenly treasures. Gonna set some limits to what I intend to spend and save, and give the rest away…. Gotta be shrewd and not naive!

The Immense Satisfaction of Cooking

I am always on the lookout for moments of true pleasure in my life, either the temporal fleeting kind like “that was such a good cup of mocha” (Laaf cafe at Katong) or the more deep-in-your-belly satisfaction that also warms your heart, reflecting true enjoyment, and which brings back remnants of that feeling whenever you think about it (like writing a blog post I am proud of, or having prepared a very good bible study materials!). Well, turns out, cooking a wholesome, healthy meal for the whole family that does not take a lot of time, uses up food that is soon going bad (reduce food waste!), and costing less than if we ate out, gives me that deeeeep satisfaction I was describing earlier.

Let me describe a recent example that sparked this post – this was a Saturday, when my in-laws were out of town and so we had the whole day to ourselves. After eating out for lunch (yucky fatty Wee Nam Kee chicken rice), I had the idea of making cold noodles for everyone, using instant noodles instead of soba, and adding shredded carrots, cucumbers (which we had plenty) and I just had to go to the supermarket nearby to find some frozen salmon belly or similar meat that I could fry up in a jiffy to serve a delicious satisfying meal.

I managed to buy 2 packets of frozen halibut fillet (5.90 each) but after googling several recipes on how to fry halibut, which all seemed too difficult (need lots of oil to deep fry, or a big oven to bake them), I decided to just improvise and do it with the least time (as dinner time was fast approaching). So I cut up some carrots, the wilting vegetables in the fridge, lots of onions, a little garlic and some oyster mushrooms (to add some protein in case the fish wasn’t enough for so many people), cut up one halibut fillet and started cooking. I opted for noodle soup, which was faster than cold noodles, used the mi goreng instant noodles. So I fried up the garlic and onions, then added water and started cooking the carrots. Then I added the mushrooms, noodles, fish and lastly vegetables and when it was all done, I added the powder seasoning.

The end result was a very yummy (thanks to the seasoning) colourful bowl of noodle soup with lots of vegetables and also rich buttery cubes of fish. I was pleased though the fish wasn’t completely thawed, and I didn’t know the exact amount of time I needed to cook it, it turned out exactly right. I cooked several batches for kids, myself, maid, husband and mom and they all liked it. And they had fibre (unlike when you eat outside), and I only used 1 halibut fillet and half a pack of oyster mushrooms, plus used up those vegetables that we’re going to get thrown away if they didn’t get cooked soon. I think this meal appealed to the healthy-eating, reduce food-waste, economical side of me. *Smile*

80-20

It's that time of the year again, December, when no one (well at least me) really feels like working and after slogging at an insane pace in Oct and Nov (and pretty much all year round), I really feel like slowing down and spending more time with my kids and family and friends. And to take some time off for myself. But alas, work never stops and the two days that I spent back at work turned out to be quite busy and I still haven't managed to clear those few large pieces of work I had been meaning to. Sigh... One way is to take th advice of the nice octogenarian I spoke to at a recent farewell dinner, and to stop vetting everything in great detail (which is what I feel passes my own standard) so that the work can at least proceed and I am not a bottleneck. 80-20 and that sort of thing. Well I think I finally need to do that because I have quite a bit of admin still to do and that dratted work and other urgent but not-important stuff to clear! Sigh...

Michael Crichton - Renaissance Man

I am always on the hunt for new authors and good books. Recently I found a new author called Neal Shusterman who wrote a pretty well-reviewed young adult dystopian trilogy (actually maybe a quarlogy since he has four books in the series) starting with the book "Unwind" and it was pretty good and it introduced new concepts of what a horrible future might hold, but the characters were not memorable Nor outstanding enough, compared to The Hunger Games or Harry Potter or even Lord of the Rings.

Next I should logically have gone on to borrow the next book in the series called "Unwholly" but as it was mostly borrowed out, I hunted through the shelves for my favourite authors and found a new book I had not read from a tried and tested good author -Michael Crichton, called Congo. I must say the title didn't really attract me Nor appeal to me and I would have definitely picked another title if available, but alas I had read all the other Michae Crichton books on the shelf - Micro, State of Play, Disclosure - so I just grabbed it. I mean, a story about some violent evolved gorilla in the Congo rainforest in Africa, it just could not be more unrelatable to a hectic working mom in the city state of Singapore.

However, that is where the hands of a master changes everything. The book was so well-researched and introduced a far-off, alien world in such a layman, accessible and interesting manner, with a sense of grandeur and not even much trying (the subject matter is grand and mysterious enough) on the back of tight, polished writing and a fascinating plot, that you just get easily transposed into the world without much effort (the resistance was picking up the title in the first place) and find your mind being expanded, made to think of science and biology and geography and tribes and cannibalism and early exploration and jungle expeditions, alongside a whopping good story. The action and introduction of new material never stops, and I wonder how he finds out all these new information - if he has been in the Congo rainforest himself, made a trek, climbed a volcano, interacted with gorillas. I also loved the exchanges between the gorilla and the trainer, and understanding how intelligent they can be.

So, suffice to say I am duly impressed by Michael Crichton as a writer and a scientist and geographer and anthropologist and just - all round renaissance man! He makes me feel that this is another genre of writing I could go into - which is something like Lisa Genova - Writers who introduce you to a topic that is not as well understood but immensely relevant to modern day living. Another writer who achieves that is Robin Cook, another one of my favourites because he introduces medical dilemmas, ethical problems associated with medicine and the practice of it, and also the world of doctors and the inner workings of hositals and morgues and police investigations, that is also not as accessible to the common man but also endlessly fascinating. I love reading! And I hope to contribute to this expanding body of work too, in my own way. Perhaps a story on Singapore government and scientific dystopia? Hahaha. Could make for a fun writing assignment.

The Most Important Parenting Book I Have Ever Read

Dear all,

I have just finished reading 2 exciting books and watched a really good movie:

(a) Circle by Dave Eggers
(a) How Children Succeed by Paul Tough (what a name!)
(c) The Imitation Game (movie starring Benedict Cumberbatch!)

It is strange how these 3 books/movies talk about similar concepts in slightly different ways, which mesh and meld into several revelations -

And reading them has convinced me that the most important parenting book I have ever read was this book called "The Baby Book" by Dr William and Martha Sears, and that attachment parenting is the most important and valuable parenting concept I have ever come across (next to the importance of prayer for our kids!).

How Children Succeed is a fascinating book, although I do wish it didn't focus quite so much on academics. But the interesting thing is the importance it gives to attachment to caregivers in early life. I Guess it's quite instinctive, that we should want to protect and nurture the little ones when they are youngest and give them a safe environment to grow up in. However common sense is not so common nowadays with the proliferation of parenting books and styles, especially those that espouse the cry-it-out method at an early age. There is much research to show that that responding in a warm and prompt manner to a very young baby is critical in ensuring they calm down fast and come to think that the world is a safe and predictable place. Not having to worry their needs will be met also allows them to focus their energies on exploring the world and learning. Conversely, leaving a baby to cry and neglected and left alone, not held, for Long periods, repeatedly, causes them not to form secure attachments with their caregiver and not to develop the core part of the brain properly, the part that regulates emotions. This actually goes on to affect their cognitive abilities quite significantly later, not to mention there is probably some emotional scarring. Just imagine, have you ever tried to debug a conplicated excel spreadsheet while under stress? Affects your ability to think doesn't it? That's how early neglect and stress affect a baby's cognitive abilities later on. So it is Soo important that we are healthily attached to our infants and not worry they are trying to manipulate us (below one year old, they can't) or that we are losing our independence (just one year and it will reap immense benefits later on in the kid's life!).

And hence I have been led to conclude that "The Baby Book" which talks all about the science and techniques behind attachment parenting, amongst other helpful tips and knowledge on taking care of your baby the first two years, is the most important parenting book I have ever read :)

The Beauty of Old Age

Today I went for CE’s farewell dinner at this really nice place called Aura Sky Lounge. I realised after I got there that this was the place 2 of my friends got married at, which with the long tables and their overflowing flower arrangements, name plates with stylistic font and 4-course western lunch, was really a nice leisurely European-style wedding lunch. So unlike the Chinese dinner versions (which are nice too in a different way but urgh too many of them). The view there at night was gorgeous and breathtaking, inviting you to hang around outside with a drink in hand while socialising. Even socialising in such a glam place expands your mind, makes you want to talk loftier things, things closer to your heart.

I must say the dinner started on a positive note, with me collecting a red wine rather immediately from a waiter standing strategically near the entrance with a tray full of reds, getting my table number and spotting my colleagues sitting outside. But as I made my way over, I bumped into 2 of my peers in other departments, with whom we had been slogging it out on a new piece of legislation the past few weeks. I must say I was abnormally delighted to see them. Although there were some initial frictions and annoyances working together with one of them (whom I thought was a bit anal and unfeeling), after working round the clock for about a week together, seeing one another's professional expertise showing, having been scolded together, having been in scary meetings with a rather stern AGC together and having had differences with the Ministry together, and complained together over IM, we now feel like comrades, with genuine appreciation of one another is capable of, is about, and who like one another. So I joined them immediately and we ended talking there for quite a while about how our items at the last CE meeting went and other work we were busy with other than the legislation, and generally lamenting on the large volume of work that seemed to plague many employees of my current organisation. I must say it gave me a rather deep sense of satisfaction, to be able to talk happily with people other than those in my dept despite the rather rocky relations this year.

Anyway after a while my boss and colleagues came looking for me (they figured since I didn't appear after so long I must have gotten waylaid somewhere) and we got our seats inside (fixed seating!). I still had a great view outside and I wished I had good dinner mates with whom we could have stimulating conversation. I mean good food, good wine, great view, all that’s missing is great conversation! The dinner then progressed quite ordinarily (with quite a few people around me quite curious about my vegan option) until the speeches started happening – and I must say the men were more humorous generally than the women, usually giving tongue-in-cheek and also honest recountings of difficult and challenging situations that they most remembered CE in. And CE spontaneously and gamely went up each time after each speech to give a “rejoinder” or his own response to their versions of the story, and also to give them a hug (except the women). There was a lot of laughter and jesting, even among the men at my table - some even between the boss and his staff (“Eh I always see you at these functions, I think you are quite the slacker you know? I have a little book where I write down who are slackers, and you are on top of my list!”,"Walau boss...." "Hahaha, this is a case of damned if you go, damned if you don’t!”, and “hey my civil side is all ready, can your electrical and mechanical side stop holding us up? Your holding me up you know? You… Eh eh boss come already. Cheers cheers.”) Somewhere in the midst of all this wince-inducing sparring, I realised a lot of the ragging that goes on was actually in good fun and jest and these were men who had worked together for many many years, over various infrastructural projects. Another strange dynamic in my organisation :P

Another highlight of the dinner happened when this Caucasian elderly man opposite me (Eric) started asking me how I found this organisation that I had only been working for a year in. And when I told him I was taken aback by the volume of work to handle and also because I was a rather detailed person, he smiled genially and said with a twinkle in his eye well, then you can’t do that anymore. It was the way he said it, and his demeanour. There is somehow this slowness, relaxedness and profoundness that comes with old age. Wise words to chew on in future. He also mentioned 80-20 and all that. All true.

And then I started asking him if he had been in this field all his life which led him to start talking about the various countries he had been to and his work and then about Scotland and Singapore. And as I was comparing Singapore to other countries like UK and Europe and US where people seemed less materialistic and more into beliefs and ideals, he said I had to understand that Singapore was a very young country, and had achieved a lot on a very short time, and how impressed he was that people could actually better their lives if they sent their kids through school. And that other countries had much longer histories and the people were generally richer too. So there. And I just felt this sense of tapping into a rich source when I was talking to him because (I) he didn’t seem to be in a hurry, which I have always admired in people, who could be slow and leisurely in their responses even when they were incredibly busy and (ii) he knew a lot of history (eg how it wasn’t so long ago that long haul flights weren’t possible and people travelled by boat!). And he also gave more balanced replies with a bit of a wry humourous expression when he replied me which balanced out my youthful angst and energy. I got the impression he wasn’t easily put off by my silly answers and he was also a lot more patient than me. Ah the beauty of the wisdom of old age! I wish I would be like that when I grow old!

Left Neglected

I just finished my last Lisa Genova book (sob sob) and I feel such a sense of loss! Why did she only write four books? But I’m also happy cos it was yet another good book that makes me reflect upon life, and I should be grateful that at least she didn’t stop after her first book which was awesome, but continued to write other thoughtful, deeply engaging books. Yes keep the momentum going!

Ok so this book is called Left Neglected. There are 3 key things I really love about it:

- Firstly, I love how her main character is this high-achiever, ultra competitive, multi-tasking mum. Every minute of her life to be purposeful, adrenaline-filled and stressful. She has a senior position in a consulting firm with an insane workload over different time zones, very high expectations of her job and she has to keep all the balls up in the air all the time. She’s also the mom to 3 young kids (one of whom is a baby) and married to another competitive high-achieving dad. So let’s just call her a very high – performing individual. I read about her life with a mixture of horror and fascination. I love how Lisa Genova just draws us in with her characters. Even though their lives in American towns are quite different from my life in the tropical urban jungle that is Singapore, she writes well enough to paint a really realistic picture of her life, and it’s interesting. It’s like living vicariously through another person.

- Secondly, I love how this person has an accident which causes her to lose quite a bit of her body and mental functioning, such that she cannot work anymore and has to struggle to do even the simplest of tasks. Initially she is horrified that she cannot work and cannot imagine how her company will cope without her (yes that’s me whenever I go on my maternity leave) but eventually she realises life and work goes on without her (gulp). And then she starts doing things she never had the time to do, like paint and spend time with her kids and snowboard. And after doing it a while, living a slow life for a while, she realises that 1) she isn’t recovering fully and can’t go back to her former lifestyle even if she wanted to and 2) there is an alternative lifestyle that is kinder, more sustainable for the family and kids, and though she earns a lot less, she gains a lot more time. Ok I know not everyone can find such a dream job in such a dream place (she ended up living in a ski resort up in the mountains!), and make enough to sustain a decent lifestyle, but I couldn’t help wondering – for high-performing individuals, how many even bother or have the time or courage to contemplate the alternative? It seems unthinkable that someone who could earn more would choose to earn less. And add to the problem how many such people are not even aware of the alternatives out there, taking up whatever opportunity presented itself when it was time to get a job, throw in the inertia of moving once a person is in a place where he or she is valued (similar to her) and you have a recipe for someone stuck in the rat race. There are also so few role models of people who chose the less high achiever route intentionally and the benefits they enjoyed. SO I love this book for making me even think about such a possibility.

- The last thing I like about it is her description of her mother. I think she managed to describe a mother that every daughter would love – supportive, helpful, there for you when you need her most, non-judgemental and even encouraging. That’s the kind of mom whom no child will feel a barrier to talking to, and also wanting to be close to. I aspire to be to my kids when they grow up! 😊