Wa, this must be the most difficult habit to put into practice. This is the habit about drawing up weekly calendars which I found hard to sustain. The idea is that we should set goals both long-term and short-term for the many roles in our lives, and every week, we should set weekly goals (a lot of goal-setting!) and schedule our activities for the week. This way we organise our week around our priorities, and we can say no to other things.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Being Yourself vs Learning from Others
I mentioned in my previous post that I’m reading a book by Ellen DeGeneres called Seriously… I’m Kidding. I’ve finished that book and one of the chapters that left a deep impression was one on not comparing ourselves against others. I get that. It’s often toxic and not at all productive or realistic to keep comparing ourselves to others around us as we will inevitably find something others are better than us in. And then it matters what is our response. Do we beat ourselves up over it? Ah he or she is so xxyy. I’ll never be as xxyy as that person. Or do we try unconsciously to model ourselves more like that person?
Well Ellen says it best. I’ll quote her “I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush” and “It would be so boring to look out into the world and see hundreds of people who look and think exactly like me” and “who’s to say what’s better or worse anyway? Who’s to even say what’s normal or average? We’re all different people and we’re allowed to be different from one another”. I find what she says refreshing (although within limits of course, there are average weights, and weights that are probably not healthy for a human being. And some traits in people like sociopathic tendencies are probably safely classified as undesirable). But really, when we find ourselves feeling l Low about ourselves cos we just found ourselves lacking in a certain trait someone else has in buckets, I find this is a good reminder. And I’m also reminded of what my coach (yes I’m on some leadership course that gives me access to 4 sessions with a personal coach!) said once when I lamented that I lacked a particular trait which I found absolutely essential in Directors, and hence concluded I wasn’t ready to be one. He said, not in your organisation, but he felt there were other organisations where my personality trait would be much valued, and the trait I coveted so much, would be looked upon badly by the company and by teams.
Strange. But I guess I’ll take his word for it.
Another thing someone else told me during this leadership course I was on, is that sometimes we can try really hard to be like another person, but fail in the end cos we are just not wired like that person, and we can’t do a personality transplant. But we can learn some of what that person does well and incorporate it into our style and come up with our own unique style. I can identify with that – I really admired my Assistant Director when I was a junior Policy Executive. She was this lady who was decisive, big picture, gave clear timely instructions but never micro-managed, and gave credit when it was due. She was energetic and spunky and gutsy. She was also empathetic and nurturing when needed. Ah the best of a male and a female in a boss! So when she rotated out of my ministry, I aspired to be like her. I tried to fill her shoes, espccially when I became an AD later. However try as I might, I could not emulate her 100%, to my disappointment, but I like to think I managed to move myself along the spectrum of being more like her in certain aspects, but still being very me. There was also the story of the animals who were put into races that tested them on skills they were bad at, eg the Ducks were put in a race, rabbits asked to swim, birds asked to climb trees, and how when they were put in the tight races they fared so much better. While I believe we all have different inherent strengths and latent capabilities, and we are happiest when we can develop and exercise them, we can also develop things we currently don’t have if we apply ourselves, with effort and the right method/teacher.
So, another thought I had was – being happy in our uniqueness shouldn’t stop us from constantly learning and growing. And one way to do that is by learning from people who do it better than us. So it’s puzzling. But I think I can reconcile it like this – we should learn from others, but we should also be assured of our uniqueness and be well aware of our strengths, and always do things with the aim of being a better me, so I can contribute and function better in my role, rather than because I want to be better than them.
Well Ellen says it best. I’ll quote her “I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush” and “It would be so boring to look out into the world and see hundreds of people who look and think exactly like me” and “who’s to say what’s better or worse anyway? Who’s to even say what’s normal or average? We’re all different people and we’re allowed to be different from one another”. I find what she says refreshing (although within limits of course, there are average weights, and weights that are probably not healthy for a human being. And some traits in people like sociopathic tendencies are probably safely classified as undesirable). But really, when we find ourselves feeling l Low about ourselves cos we just found ourselves lacking in a certain trait someone else has in buckets, I find this is a good reminder. And I’m also reminded of what my coach (yes I’m on some leadership course that gives me access to 4 sessions with a personal coach!) said once when I lamented that I lacked a particular trait which I found absolutely essential in Directors, and hence concluded I wasn’t ready to be one. He said, not in your organisation, but he felt there were other organisations where my personality trait would be much valued, and the trait I coveted so much, would be looked upon badly by the company and by teams.
Strange. But I guess I’ll take his word for it.
Another thing someone else told me during this leadership course I was on, is that sometimes we can try really hard to be like another person, but fail in the end cos we are just not wired like that person, and we can’t do a personality transplant. But we can learn some of what that person does well and incorporate it into our style and come up with our own unique style. I can identify with that – I really admired my Assistant Director when I was a junior Policy Executive. She was this lady who was decisive, big picture, gave clear timely instructions but never micro-managed, and gave credit when it was due. She was energetic and spunky and gutsy. She was also empathetic and nurturing when needed. Ah the best of a male and a female in a boss! So when she rotated out of my ministry, I aspired to be like her. I tried to fill her shoes, espccially when I became an AD later. However try as I might, I could not emulate her 100%, to my disappointment, but I like to think I managed to move myself along the spectrum of being more like her in certain aspects, but still being very me. There was also the story of the animals who were put into races that tested them on skills they were bad at, eg the Ducks were put in a race, rabbits asked to swim, birds asked to climb trees, and how when they were put in the tight races they fared so much better. While I believe we all have different inherent strengths and latent capabilities, and we are happiest when we can develop and exercise them, we can also develop things we currently don’t have if we apply ourselves, with effort and the right method/teacher.
So, another thought I had was – being happy in our uniqueness shouldn’t stop us from constantly learning and growing. And one way to do that is by learning from people who do it better than us. So it’s puzzling. But I think I can reconcile it like this – we should learn from others, but we should also be assured of our uniqueness and be well aware of our strengths, and always do things with the aim of being a better me, so I can contribute and function better in my role, rather than because I want to be better than them.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Still Alice Review
I recently re-read Still Alice, after having read Still Alice, inside the O’Briens and Love, Anthony. I guess I just really love Lisa Genova. But I realised I can’t read her books one after another, as they are too heavy, or rather, they leave me feeling too heavy-hearted and pensive. So I Guess that’s why I’m reading a book written by Ellen DeGeneres now, called Seriously… I’m Kidding. Haha. Before that I interspersed her books with a Jack Reacher novel.
However, I have been raving to anyone whom I have more than a 5-minute conversation with, about what a wonderful author Lisa Genova is, and the themes her books explore. After they find out what she writes about, I am often replied with a grimace and an eeugh (that’s my Husband), or if people don’t know me well enough, a polite “oh, I usually don’t like sad stories”. Recently, when I insisted on telling my hubby the storyline of Love, Anthony, he balked and complained “No! No more of those sad stories! I hate hearing about them and i don’t understand why you like reading them!”.
I’m a little puzzled not everyone shares my love of realistic portrayals of everyday life that are immensely thought-provoking. Ok, so it’s not everyday life, as the characters always have some life-threatening or life-altering disease or condition, but they give me such deep, realistic glimpses into people and families who have to deal with such things, which I can relate to as I may have to deal with some form of that in the future either in myself or in my loved ones, that I find it a treasure trove of knowledge and is the best kind of fiction – that shines a mirror on your lives, on our inner lives, our thoughts, that throws us into scenarios both probable and improbable and makes us think what might be our reactions to it (another movie that causes such reflections between me and my husband is Train to Busan, but more of that in another post). And even more importantly, I love it that what she deals with is our mortality. What happens when our days are numbered, when the basic functioning a of life we take for granted are suddenly in decline, how do we cope, how should we cope, what is left? It is like a fictional story of characters having to live with the End in Mind, Steven Covey’s second habit, one which I love, except Lisa Genova explores this with a whole cast of characters, with different personalities, different levels of religiosity (however none of her lead characters were truly religious), types of spouses, kids, careers etc. So, as I said, a treasure trove of information, lives lived before, though they are fiction.
So, what struck me a lot this second time round, reading Still Alice, is the response of her husband John. I found myself seeing him in a kinder light at times, noticing how he is really trying to help her by running with her daily though he hates running, and attending lots of conferences on Alzheimer’s and trying to help her find a cure. However I think he never accepted or came to terms with the fact that his wife had Alzheimer’s and she would eventually lose her mind through a decline. He could not stomach seeing her eat medicines, could not face seeing her struggle with simple things. In the end, he chose to move to New York to take up a Chairman role which was a big coup for his career, even though it meant being far from Alice (I take it that she stayed in Boston with her daughters and son), and one really has to wonder, was that the right choice? If it were me, what would I do?
The book explores questions indirectly like is it worth spending your life and effort taking care of someone who may be more and more incapable of knowing you, and appreciating your efforts. Raise the stakes higher, would you sacrifice a part of your career to do that? The conclusion of the book suggests that yes, it is worth it, because you love the person, and even when someone seems to have deteriorated a lot, there are moments when they recognise you, are clear-headed, and they definitely continue to have feelings and can think at some level. However all that aside, what if that person is in a coma?
Ok, heavy questions (I’m feeling a bit breathless here contemplating all these big questions) and I can only offer a story as an answer. From my own experience.
My grandma had a stroke when I was very young, and she was taken care of by my uncle and his wife for very Long. She was mostly taken care of by his wife, as my uncle was working a lot, and perhaps partly as my grandma was not her mother but my uncle’s, my aunt eventually lost her mind a little from all the work of taking care of an invalid, and my grandma was moved to a home for the elderly. However when my mum saw more and more bruises on my grandma, she couldn’t bear it and took my grandma into our home. My grandma lived more ten years in our home before she passed on, and in that period of time, my parents simply hired a maid and juggled all the duties of working, taking care of me and my grandma as best as they could. They ensured she ate well, was taken care of and spoke to her occasionally (very loudly so she could hear). At one time, she even smeared her faeces all over the wall and my dad had to clean it up. All through it, my parents never complained. I think the answer for me would probably also be pretty straightforward. Family is family. And we have to take care of our family. And like this little placard that hangs on the wall just before we leave the house, “Hope makes things bright, faith makes things possible, love makes things easy.”
However, I have been raving to anyone whom I have more than a 5-minute conversation with, about what a wonderful author Lisa Genova is, and the themes her books explore. After they find out what she writes about, I am often replied with a grimace and an eeugh (that’s my Husband), or if people don’t know me well enough, a polite “oh, I usually don’t like sad stories”. Recently, when I insisted on telling my hubby the storyline of Love, Anthony, he balked and complained “No! No more of those sad stories! I hate hearing about them and i don’t understand why you like reading them!”.
I’m a little puzzled not everyone shares my love of realistic portrayals of everyday life that are immensely thought-provoking. Ok, so it’s not everyday life, as the characters always have some life-threatening or life-altering disease or condition, but they give me such deep, realistic glimpses into people and families who have to deal with such things, which I can relate to as I may have to deal with some form of that in the future either in myself or in my loved ones, that I find it a treasure trove of knowledge and is the best kind of fiction – that shines a mirror on your lives, on our inner lives, our thoughts, that throws us into scenarios both probable and improbable and makes us think what might be our reactions to it (another movie that causes such reflections between me and my husband is Train to Busan, but more of that in another post). And even more importantly, I love it that what she deals with is our mortality. What happens when our days are numbered, when the basic functioning a of life we take for granted are suddenly in decline, how do we cope, how should we cope, what is left? It is like a fictional story of characters having to live with the End in Mind, Steven Covey’s second habit, one which I love, except Lisa Genova explores this with a whole cast of characters, with different personalities, different levels of religiosity (however none of her lead characters were truly religious), types of spouses, kids, careers etc. So, as I said, a treasure trove of information, lives lived before, though they are fiction.
So, what struck me a lot this second time round, reading Still Alice, is the response of her husband John. I found myself seeing him in a kinder light at times, noticing how he is really trying to help her by running with her daily though he hates running, and attending lots of conferences on Alzheimer’s and trying to help her find a cure. However I think he never accepted or came to terms with the fact that his wife had Alzheimer’s and she would eventually lose her mind through a decline. He could not stomach seeing her eat medicines, could not face seeing her struggle with simple things. In the end, he chose to move to New York to take up a Chairman role which was a big coup for his career, even though it meant being far from Alice (I take it that she stayed in Boston with her daughters and son), and one really has to wonder, was that the right choice? If it were me, what would I do?
The book explores questions indirectly like is it worth spending your life and effort taking care of someone who may be more and more incapable of knowing you, and appreciating your efforts. Raise the stakes higher, would you sacrifice a part of your career to do that? The conclusion of the book suggests that yes, it is worth it, because you love the person, and even when someone seems to have deteriorated a lot, there are moments when they recognise you, are clear-headed, and they definitely continue to have feelings and can think at some level. However all that aside, what if that person is in a coma?
Ok, heavy questions (I’m feeling a bit breathless here contemplating all these big questions) and I can only offer a story as an answer. From my own experience.
My grandma had a stroke when I was very young, and she was taken care of by my uncle and his wife for very Long. She was mostly taken care of by his wife, as my uncle was working a lot, and perhaps partly as my grandma was not her mother but my uncle’s, my aunt eventually lost her mind a little from all the work of taking care of an invalid, and my grandma was moved to a home for the elderly. However when my mum saw more and more bruises on my grandma, she couldn’t bear it and took my grandma into our home. My grandma lived more ten years in our home before she passed on, and in that period of time, my parents simply hired a maid and juggled all the duties of working, taking care of me and my grandma as best as they could. They ensured she ate well, was taken care of and spoke to her occasionally (very loudly so she could hear). At one time, she even smeared her faeces all over the wall and my dad had to clean it up. All through it, my parents never complained. I think the answer for me would probably also be pretty straightforward. Family is family. And we have to take care of our family. And like this little placard that hangs on the wall just before we leave the house, “Hope makes things bright, faith makes things possible, love makes things easy.”
Saturday, September 17, 2016
Inspiring Creativity in Kids
Being a mother of a two boisterous toddlers, aged 5 and 4, I am a frequent visitor of Toys R Us at Tampines Mall. In fact whenever we eat in that mall it has become their routine to ask to go there right after food. In fact, now if they don’t suggest it, we will, simply to get them to stop staring at our hp screens at some YouTube video or compulsively scrolling through our Pokedex (yep, actually that is their craze now).
After our food, we would sit for a while to let our food digest (all of 2 seconds) before gathering our things and lumbering up to Toys R Us to locate them. They would inevitably be in the same old aisle, depending on what is their obsession at the moment. Once it was Thomas the Train and all the many train characters (Percy, James, Toby, Diesel, Flynn etc) or the more expensive train sets, then it was Star Wars and now it is Pokemon. I find it weird that the toy stores here haven’t caught on to selling Pokemon paraphernalia yet. Perhaps they all predict it is just a fad that will disappear, or the shops had no reaction time as to how hot it will become, or the company didn’t realise this was a lucrative marketing strategy. Anyway I just know that if they started selling Squirtle water bottles, Staryu bags or Eevee cushions, my boys (and me) would be clamouring for them and snapping them up for sure.
So after buying them enough train sets and Star Wars X-wings, Tie-fighters and lego sets to start a small museum, I found myself wandering through other parts of the shop in the hopes of finding other meaningful and fun toys that might engage my boys, with rather limited success. Sometimes I also walk around Kiddy Palace and some other toy shops, to check out their toys collection. It struck me after a while that most of the toys in these toy shops are the same and they all tend to be the convergent toys, meaning there is only one or a few ways to play with them. For example, train sets have only one way of playing with them, many dollhouses (eg Hello Kitty house, Peppa Pig house) have limited ways you can move around the furniture and place the characters, cooking sets where the fruits and vegetables can only be cut in half, and even Lego sets all come with precise instructions now on how to assemble the pieces to get the toy on the cover. There are still the age-old toys like colouring sets, beads, playdoh and toy guns and figurines fashioned after some character (eg superhero, Barbie, some collectible), which you can play with however many ways depending on your imagination, and my kids do like colouring, but aside from that, if your kids are not into those toys, that leaves very little to buy. I tried hunting for divergent, creativity enhancing toys, things which have many many different ways of playing with, but only came up with tangram (such a dull set of pieces, all in one colour and they are quite small and flat which makes it hard to manipulate and they don’t stay put), other forms of blocks, and other educational games which either teach you to spell or to count.
To be fair, you could get the rarer, less common toys if you go to a more inaccessible mall like Tanglin mall or Parkway Parade. I happen to know there are toy shops there that carry more variety of toys, although I must say many still fall under the category of convergent toys. They are nicer-looking convergent toys, but nothing really inspired or jumped out at me there too.
I recently found myself fantasising of the toys I would make if I could. They include:
•Lego bricks that actually have detail on them, eg blocks that suit Roman architecture style, Greek architecture, English cottage style, European castles etc. I used to have a set of building blocks with such pictures on the side but I lost them and can’t find anything like that anymore.
•Dollhouses where the furniture is not one piece but made up of different pieces and styles that you can mix and match, eg the types of legs on the chair or table, the type of cushions and sofa covers you use, different types of lamps, and get this – the characters should have fully movable body parts – waist, arms, legs, head, so you can make them adopt an infinite variety of poses. They can be standing over a stove and cooking, or kicking back and relaxing on a sofa with a tub of ice cream in hand haha, or working on a laptop or sweeping the floor. Wouldn’t that be great? Then you can really do role play and inspire future interior designers🙂
So, I decided last night (when my hubby is overseas again and it is up to me to entertain the kids) to come up with my own humble creativity toy. I borrowed the idea from a girl’s colouring book I saw in Urban Write (the Popular offshoot) where it showed girls in various types of outfits, and hairstyles, but the fun part was how they cut every character in half and you can flip the pages to mix and match tops and bottoms to get new outfit. Some work really well, and some just don’t. I know I spent an inordinate amount of time flipping through all the pages because I was so fascinated. So I did a boys version (no they do not have such a thing, sadly), using Pokemon, their craze of the day, to boot. I was quite pleased with the result, I must say.
So it looks like this.
As part of creativity is mixing two things that are different together and coming up with a new thing, I drew a few of their favourite Pokemon characters on a spiral notebook (the third one is Blastoise, by the way), cut them up into three sections – head, body and legs, but ensuring they are still attached to the spine, and then I showed them how you can flip the pages and have different combinations of Pokemkn characters – eg a Squirtle with Staryu legs, which I called Squiryu. Or a Staryu with a Squirtle body, which I called Startle, haha.
The trick is to make sure the body parts all end at the same points at the page edges so the final character looks seamless. Initially the boys were upset that I cut up their beloved characters, but later I found Hao Yi, my younger boy, flipping through the pages on his own and hopefully, enjoying the different combinations. As you can see, my next step is getting them to Colour them which they are in the midst of doing.
However I do want to add that actually one of the best ways to foster creativity in kids is actually, not to give them any screens, and leave them to their own devices. You may find that they go through an initial frustration mode, and complain that they are booooored, and start rifling through the house for that remote or handphone, but if you stick it out (and you must have faith to do so!), they should eventually be forced to entertain themselves by coming up with something. Heck, impoverished kids who are not exposed to any toys can even make a game out of breadcrumbs, and I used to talk to myself when I was utterly bored, so don’t underestimate the power of forced downtime and open imagination. Of course, telling them stories, reading books (fiction and non-fiction) and talking to them about things around them help to give their minds more fodder to chew on, but stretches of time with nothing to do – it’s an invitation for the mind to come up with new things.
Hope it gave you some ideas for things to do with kids!
After our food, we would sit for a while to let our food digest (all of 2 seconds) before gathering our things and lumbering up to Toys R Us to locate them. They would inevitably be in the same old aisle, depending on what is their obsession at the moment. Once it was Thomas the Train and all the many train characters (Percy, James, Toby, Diesel, Flynn etc) or the more expensive train sets, then it was Star Wars and now it is Pokemon. I find it weird that the toy stores here haven’t caught on to selling Pokemon paraphernalia yet. Perhaps they all predict it is just a fad that will disappear, or the shops had no reaction time as to how hot it will become, or the company didn’t realise this was a lucrative marketing strategy. Anyway I just know that if they started selling Squirtle water bottles, Staryu bags or Eevee cushions, my boys (and me) would be clamouring for them and snapping them up for sure.
So after buying them enough train sets and Star Wars X-wings, Tie-fighters and lego sets to start a small museum, I found myself wandering through other parts of the shop in the hopes of finding other meaningful and fun toys that might engage my boys, with rather limited success. Sometimes I also walk around Kiddy Palace and some other toy shops, to check out their toys collection. It struck me after a while that most of the toys in these toy shops are the same and they all tend to be the convergent toys, meaning there is only one or a few ways to play with them. For example, train sets have only one way of playing with them, many dollhouses (eg Hello Kitty house, Peppa Pig house) have limited ways you can move around the furniture and place the characters, cooking sets where the fruits and vegetables can only be cut in half, and even Lego sets all come with precise instructions now on how to assemble the pieces to get the toy on the cover. There are still the age-old toys like colouring sets, beads, playdoh and toy guns and figurines fashioned after some character (eg superhero, Barbie, some collectible), which you can play with however many ways depending on your imagination, and my kids do like colouring, but aside from that, if your kids are not into those toys, that leaves very little to buy. I tried hunting for divergent, creativity enhancing toys, things which have many many different ways of playing with, but only came up with tangram (such a dull set of pieces, all in one colour and they are quite small and flat which makes it hard to manipulate and they don’t stay put), other forms of blocks, and other educational games which either teach you to spell or to count.
To be fair, you could get the rarer, less common toys if you go to a more inaccessible mall like Tanglin mall or Parkway Parade. I happen to know there are toy shops there that carry more variety of toys, although I must say many still fall under the category of convergent toys. They are nicer-looking convergent toys, but nothing really inspired or jumped out at me there too.
I recently found myself fantasising of the toys I would make if I could. They include:
•Lego bricks that actually have detail on them, eg blocks that suit Roman architecture style, Greek architecture, English cottage style, European castles etc. I used to have a set of building blocks with such pictures on the side but I lost them and can’t find anything like that anymore.
•Dollhouses where the furniture is not one piece but made up of different pieces and styles that you can mix and match, eg the types of legs on the chair or table, the type of cushions and sofa covers you use, different types of lamps, and get this – the characters should have fully movable body parts – waist, arms, legs, head, so you can make them adopt an infinite variety of poses. They can be standing over a stove and cooking, or kicking back and relaxing on a sofa with a tub of ice cream in hand haha, or working on a laptop or sweeping the floor. Wouldn’t that be great? Then you can really do role play and inspire future interior designers🙂
So, I decided last night (when my hubby is overseas again and it is up to me to entertain the kids) to come up with my own humble creativity toy. I borrowed the idea from a girl’s colouring book I saw in Urban Write (the Popular offshoot) where it showed girls in various types of outfits, and hairstyles, but the fun part was how they cut every character in half and you can flip the pages to mix and match tops and bottoms to get new outfit. Some work really well, and some just don’t. I know I spent an inordinate amount of time flipping through all the pages because I was so fascinated. So I did a boys version (no they do not have such a thing, sadly), using Pokemon, their craze of the day, to boot. I was quite pleased with the result, I must say.
So it looks like this.
As part of creativity is mixing two things that are different together and coming up with a new thing, I drew a few of their favourite Pokemon characters on a spiral notebook (the third one is Blastoise, by the way), cut them up into three sections – head, body and legs, but ensuring they are still attached to the spine, and then I showed them how you can flip the pages and have different combinations of Pokemkn characters – eg a Squirtle with Staryu legs, which I called Squiryu. Or a Staryu with a Squirtle body, which I called Startle, haha.
The trick is to make sure the body parts all end at the same points at the page edges so the final character looks seamless. Initially the boys were upset that I cut up their beloved characters, but later I found Hao Yi, my younger boy, flipping through the pages on his own and hopefully, enjoying the different combinations. As you can see, my next step is getting them to Colour them which they are in the midst of doing.
However I do want to add that actually one of the best ways to foster creativity in kids is actually, not to give them any screens, and leave them to their own devices. You may find that they go through an initial frustration mode, and complain that they are booooored, and start rifling through the house for that remote or handphone, but if you stick it out (and you must have faith to do so!), they should eventually be forced to entertain themselves by coming up with something. Heck, impoverished kids who are not exposed to any toys can even make a game out of breadcrumbs, and I used to talk to myself when I was utterly bored, so don’t underestimate the power of forced downtime and open imagination. Of course, telling them stories, reading books (fiction and non-fiction) and talking to them about things around them help to give their minds more fodder to chew on, but stretches of time with nothing to do – it’s an invitation for the mind to come up with new things.
Hope it gave you some ideas for things to do with kids!
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
We are Living in a Material World…
Yesterday I saw a funny wall poster in a mall that said “The biggest regrets in life are the things I didn’t buy”. Funny. Well, I recently learnt a precious lesson on how we ought to relate to material things in life and just want to jot it down before I forget it.
It was my usual Sunday facilitators session and we were preparing notes on Philippians. W, who is finishing up his theology degree and the most diligent of us in preparing notes for each study (I am less regular) was sharing with us that according to a certain Christian teacher, the bible teaches us that helping the poor is not a matter of charity (i.e. voluntary) but justice (i.e. essential). The shoe in our cupboard we have not worn for eons and the food we throw away uneaten are all what we owe the poor. He went on to elaborate why this was so (e.g. often, the poor are that way because of the circumstances they were born in or found themselves in, and not through any lack in personal traits) and assured us that the teacher provided lots of bible verses as reference, which we could check out if we watched the video.
To me, this was the missing piece of the puzzle in my mind on how we should treat material possessions and wealth. Living in Singapore, a country that is as pragmatic and unabashed as they come in its goal to seek and maximise material prosperity (I think even China is more ideological than us), I have been convinced since my JC days that life must be about more than just pursuing material riches. I mentally checked out of this rat race a long time ago and had no trouble accepting the Christian teaching on the deceitfulness of wealth and not pursuing mammon as our God. However I could not find any teachings about not being incidentally wealthy as there are characters in the Bible who were so (eg Job, King Solomon, Abraham) although in my mind I just couldn’t gel a godly person who would at the same time live in a luxury condo (what are you trying to prove? Do you NEED to stay in one? Why not give the money to the poor or a good cause?) or driving a luxury car (same questions). However thus far it seemed like a matter of personal preference, something to be settled between them and God, with no absolute benchmark, and hence I have kept my mouth shut amidst conversations around me of upgrading, going on expensive holidays one after another, and what not. At the same time, I secretly admired the saints throw themselves wholeheartedly into a good cause or who invite the poor into their lives and share everything with them.
So here was a teaching that tells us anytime we have abundance we ought not to gather more but to share. Ok, I Guess different people may have different barometers on what constitutes abundance but it is still a starting point. For me, this settles a Long-Nagging problem of mine and now I am calmly settled in my mind as to how I should treat riches and material things. Have and keep what is necessary, and give away the rest. What liberating teaching!!!
The next step is figuring how this gels with my life with my husband, who umm… doesn’t quite see things the same way I do. Granted I haven’t quite shared this with him yet. I probably should although I wonder if it would make much difference. He drives a luxury car (cos he has to meet investor clients for work) and aspires to live in a condo. So much so that we bought a very expensive penthouse which will be ready by end of the year. Can’t quite back out now. The good thing is he is very open to discussing things with me, but he may not agree with me at the end of the day and I can only advise, not control him. If he insists on doing certain things in ways, we will just have to agree to disagree and to prevent civil strife, I’ll go along with his decision. Which means I’ll be one of those Christians living in a penthouse and owning a luxury car 😟. One of life’s ironies. The silver lining I can see in this is that we will be spending so much of our monthly income on house and car that it will result in us having much less money to spend and hence conversely, we may end up becoming even more generous to the poor, as we will have less in our bank account. Sometimes the more we have, the harder it is to let go. So I can still practice what the Christian teacher said about living simply and giving away unused things but just that we will have much less to give away compared to if we were living in a HDB flat or condo that is less expensive.
So ultimately, it is between us and God. We have to give a reckoning and an answer to God in every decision we made including on stewardship of resources so we just have to be able to live with ourselves.
It was my usual Sunday facilitators session and we were preparing notes on Philippians. W, who is finishing up his theology degree and the most diligent of us in preparing notes for each study (I am less regular) was sharing with us that according to a certain Christian teacher, the bible teaches us that helping the poor is not a matter of charity (i.e. voluntary) but justice (i.e. essential). The shoe in our cupboard we have not worn for eons and the food we throw away uneaten are all what we owe the poor. He went on to elaborate why this was so (e.g. often, the poor are that way because of the circumstances they were born in or found themselves in, and not through any lack in personal traits) and assured us that the teacher provided lots of bible verses as reference, which we could check out if we watched the video.
To me, this was the missing piece of the puzzle in my mind on how we should treat material possessions and wealth. Living in Singapore, a country that is as pragmatic and unabashed as they come in its goal to seek and maximise material prosperity (I think even China is more ideological than us), I have been convinced since my JC days that life must be about more than just pursuing material riches. I mentally checked out of this rat race a long time ago and had no trouble accepting the Christian teaching on the deceitfulness of wealth and not pursuing mammon as our God. However I could not find any teachings about not being incidentally wealthy as there are characters in the Bible who were so (eg Job, King Solomon, Abraham) although in my mind I just couldn’t gel a godly person who would at the same time live in a luxury condo (what are you trying to prove? Do you NEED to stay in one? Why not give the money to the poor or a good cause?) or driving a luxury car (same questions). However thus far it seemed like a matter of personal preference, something to be settled between them and God, with no absolute benchmark, and hence I have kept my mouth shut amidst conversations around me of upgrading, going on expensive holidays one after another, and what not. At the same time, I secretly admired the saints throw themselves wholeheartedly into a good cause or who invite the poor into their lives and share everything with them.
So here was a teaching that tells us anytime we have abundance we ought not to gather more but to share. Ok, I Guess different people may have different barometers on what constitutes abundance but it is still a starting point. For me, this settles a Long-Nagging problem of mine and now I am calmly settled in my mind as to how I should treat riches and material things. Have and keep what is necessary, and give away the rest. What liberating teaching!!!
The next step is figuring how this gels with my life with my husband, who umm… doesn’t quite see things the same way I do. Granted I haven’t quite shared this with him yet. I probably should although I wonder if it would make much difference. He drives a luxury car (cos he has to meet investor clients for work) and aspires to live in a condo. So much so that we bought a very expensive penthouse which will be ready by end of the year. Can’t quite back out now. The good thing is he is very open to discussing things with me, but he may not agree with me at the end of the day and I can only advise, not control him. If he insists on doing certain things in ways, we will just have to agree to disagree and to prevent civil strife, I’ll go along with his decision. Which means I’ll be one of those Christians living in a penthouse and owning a luxury car 😟. One of life’s ironies. The silver lining I can see in this is that we will be spending so much of our monthly income on house and car that it will result in us having much less money to spend and hence conversely, we may end up becoming even more generous to the poor, as we will have less in our bank account. Sometimes the more we have, the harder it is to let go. So I can still practice what the Christian teacher said about living simply and giving away unused things but just that we will have much less to give away compared to if we were living in a HDB flat or condo that is less expensive.
So ultimately, it is between us and God. We have to give a reckoning and an answer to God in every decision we made including on stewardship of resources so we just have to be able to live with ourselves.
Run. Hide. Seek.
I recently finished a trilogy YA dystopian series set in Singapore (what more could I ask for) called Run Hide Seek. And to cap it all off, it's written by a 14 year-old Singaporean girl!!! I was strangely excited and floored and inspired when I found that out. I remember laughing out loud to myself on the train when I read this on my phone and whooping and shaking my head at the same time :) If she can do it, what more us adults? We really have no excuse now.
She is called Gabby Tye and her story on how she wrote this book is quite inspiring. She got this book together when her Mom made her to write 300 words a day instead of watching all this "online nonsense" and before she knew it, she had enough to make a book! Ok so her Mom is a publisher/editor, and is hence in the business, so you could argue unfair advantage, privileged background, but still - it's pretty something huh? She actually made something out of it, when many other privileged kids probably don't. Having written many stories since my childhood days and not having finished many long ones, I can tell you what she did takes a lot of perseverance, and her imagination was quite brilliant too.
Though the thick pages and more widely-spaced words take getting some used to, her story sucks you in right away as its always fast-paced, and written like an action movie. When I read it, the similarities with some other popular books/movies immediately struck me, but they are not complete rip-offs, more like a blend of Hunger Games meets World War Z meets Maze Runner meets Divergent. Yes, ALL my favourite movies/books. What’s not to like?!!🙂. When I was in a scriptwriting course this was an exercise my teacher taught us to generate fun, creative plot lines and ideas when we are dry – randomly pick two movie titles from a bag and try to come up with a logline blending them together. Eg I may pick Jurassic Park and Matrix. So a logline may be – the story of how a person is the chosen one to go back in time and save the dinosaurs, but he wakes up and it’s all a dream or an alternate reality. Ok I’m totally making that up but I’m sure that was how movies like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (which my husband assures me actually works as a movie) were born.
Anyway back to the series. I’m quite fascinated by how she managed to weave in elements and plot points from all these stories, threw in some ideas of her own, and make a refreshing, whole new compelling kick-ass story out of it. Well done, girl *enthusiastic clapping* !!! Isn’t this what Korean dramas are doing? Pushing the boundaries of what is a genre and mixing genres (eg supernatural romance mystery thriller) to get a whole new product. And she ALSO landed a China book publishing deal where her books will be translated and sold in China, and go on to inspire a lot more young writers to be sure.
I am personally motivated from this to get my butt into gear (despite being a working Mom with 3 kids and church responsibilities) and to just do what she did – make myself write a certain number of words a day. Anyway all the writing books tell me to. They say the key to being a successful writer is discipline and habit, to write write write. And the stories will come. In a way, this blog helps me do that.
Ok what I liked about her book:
– how the heroine has something special about her (although I did think her personality could have been made more distinctive, where she could be sullen and protective like Katniss, or heck-care like Mary in a Christopher Pike book, or geeky and underdog like many other heroes in his book too)
– how there is a love triangle (ah, reminded me of how crushes feel!)
– her relationship with her Mom (I think she tried to be politically correct in her book, as her Mom is editor and she’d only 14!)
– the state of the future world and why it happened (themes of bad farming, environmental destruction, genetic manipulation, resonates with what I think is wrong in this world today and is what is refreshing about her book, that she brings in these themes in a layman and understandable, non-intimidating and non-yawn inducing way)
– how the action never stops, reminding me of Christopher Pike and Suzanne Collins’ writing.
That is what I am weak in – writing action. I may like reading action-packed books and have watched endless action movies, but ask me to write an action sequence and my brain just shuts down,. And if I’m forced to, like in my scriptwriting class, the writing comes out clunky and amateurish, and frankly, painful to read. I’m surprised my scriptwriting teacher (who came from Hollywood by the way – thank you Media Academy!) didn’t even comment on it. He wrote a lot of other comments though. Maybe he was laughing so hard he decided to spare me the pain. But hey, got to have the growth mindset right? With hard work and grit and laser-like focus, and the right training/teacher, I should be able to master it. If I ever need to, that is.
So, to the mattresses! Which means, let’s get cracking!
She is called Gabby Tye and her story on how she wrote this book is quite inspiring. She got this book together when her Mom made her to write 300 words a day instead of watching all this "online nonsense" and before she knew it, she had enough to make a book! Ok so her Mom is a publisher/editor, and is hence in the business, so you could argue unfair advantage, privileged background, but still - it's pretty something huh? She actually made something out of it, when many other privileged kids probably don't. Having written many stories since my childhood days and not having finished many long ones, I can tell you what she did takes a lot of perseverance, and her imagination was quite brilliant too.
Though the thick pages and more widely-spaced words take getting some used to, her story sucks you in right away as its always fast-paced, and written like an action movie. When I read it, the similarities with some other popular books/movies immediately struck me, but they are not complete rip-offs, more like a blend of Hunger Games meets World War Z meets Maze Runner meets Divergent. Yes, ALL my favourite movies/books. What’s not to like?!!🙂. When I was in a scriptwriting course this was an exercise my teacher taught us to generate fun, creative plot lines and ideas when we are dry – randomly pick two movie titles from a bag and try to come up with a logline blending them together. Eg I may pick Jurassic Park and Matrix. So a logline may be – the story of how a person is the chosen one to go back in time and save the dinosaurs, but he wakes up and it’s all a dream or an alternate reality. Ok I’m totally making that up but I’m sure that was how movies like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (which my husband assures me actually works as a movie) were born.
Anyway back to the series. I’m quite fascinated by how she managed to weave in elements and plot points from all these stories, threw in some ideas of her own, and make a refreshing, whole new compelling kick-ass story out of it. Well done, girl *enthusiastic clapping* !!! Isn’t this what Korean dramas are doing? Pushing the boundaries of what is a genre and mixing genres (eg supernatural romance mystery thriller) to get a whole new product. And she ALSO landed a China book publishing deal where her books will be translated and sold in China, and go on to inspire a lot more young writers to be sure.
I am personally motivated from this to get my butt into gear (despite being a working Mom with 3 kids and church responsibilities) and to just do what she did – make myself write a certain number of words a day. Anyway all the writing books tell me to. They say the key to being a successful writer is discipline and habit, to write write write. And the stories will come. In a way, this blog helps me do that.
Ok what I liked about her book:
– how the heroine has something special about her (although I did think her personality could have been made more distinctive, where she could be sullen and protective like Katniss, or heck-care like Mary in a Christopher Pike book, or geeky and underdog like many other heroes in his book too)
– how there is a love triangle (ah, reminded me of how crushes feel!)
– her relationship with her Mom (I think she tried to be politically correct in her book, as her Mom is editor and she’d only 14!)
– the state of the future world and why it happened (themes of bad farming, environmental destruction, genetic manipulation, resonates with what I think is wrong in this world today and is what is refreshing about her book, that she brings in these themes in a layman and understandable, non-intimidating and non-yawn inducing way)
– how the action never stops, reminding me of Christopher Pike and Suzanne Collins’ writing.
That is what I am weak in – writing action. I may like reading action-packed books and have watched endless action movies, but ask me to write an action sequence and my brain just shuts down,. And if I’m forced to, like in my scriptwriting class, the writing comes out clunky and amateurish, and frankly, painful to read. I’m surprised my scriptwriting teacher (who came from Hollywood by the way – thank you Media Academy!) didn’t even comment on it. He wrote a lot of other comments though. Maybe he was laughing so hard he decided to spare me the pain. But hey, got to have the growth mindset right? With hard work and grit and laser-like focus, and the right training/teacher, I should be able to master it. If I ever need to, that is.
So, to the mattresses! Which means, let’s get cracking!
Sunday, May 1, 2016
One art homework - two different personalities
Hello all!
It's been a loong time since my last post and here's why - I recently got seconded to another statutory board and it has been crazy learning the new content and interpersonal dynamics of new teams, getting used to my new bosses, and also juggling being a Mom of 3 kids and being a Loving Wife. Maybe more on that in another post :P
I wanted to talk about this homework assignment that my two boys, 5 and 4, recently got from their preschool. It caught my attention as their preschool never assigns homework (as it should be) and this time they wanted e boys to each do a 2D or 3D image of a sea creature, in line with the theme "sea creatures".
My older son, who doesn't like art much, distractedly told me he wanted to draw a crab when I asked him multiple times what sea creature he wanted to draw (he can be quite decisive). Then when I gave him a blank sheet of paper and paint, he immediately started covering it with dark blue. Then before it quite dried, he selected orange and yellow, and drew a rough oval, two beady eyes that were too big, and then four legs on each side with quick short brush strokes. Then he ran off. I had actually collected a small collection of sea shells from an earlier time when we were at Pasir Ris beach (that place has lots of sea shells unlike East Coast) and I asked my maid to get it out. I also went around my HDB estate scouting for some soil. Turns out someone had discarded a large potted plant in the community garden near my house, and I got a bucket and scooped in a fair amount of reddish-brown clayey soil. From their art class, I got the idea to mix the soil with glue, and then I smeared it along the bottom of the painting, to simulate the sea bed. Then I wanted to glue each shell on. However, it was already very late when I smeared the soil so I told my boy let's paste the shells tomorrow morning. But he insisted on doing it before bed and you know what he did? He just took each shell and pressed it into the soil mixture, and it somehow stuck! And he went on pressing them randomly until he finished pasting everything, and then he ran off. I looked at the finished art piece and chuckled to myself. It somehow portrayed the image of a crab scuttling very quickly to the side, and it was so reminiscent of how my own boy is like in real life, always moving, running, never resting (unless you give him some kind of screen).
My younger boy is a different matter - he wanted to paint a jellyfish, and when I gave him his paper, he kept painting over and over the same spot until the paper broke through with all the watery paint. And we had to do it over and over again. In the end, it was his first jellyfish (which he did without putting much effort in) that looked semi-presentable and which I brought to their school. The strange thing is, the older son's art looked better than the younger one's.
It shows their different personalities - the older one likes things fast, speed, and he doesn't waste time on things he doesn't like very much. The younger one is very painstaking in his art which reflects his perfectionist personality.
How interesting what an art exercise can reveal.
It's been a loong time since my last post and here's why - I recently got seconded to another statutory board and it has been crazy learning the new content and interpersonal dynamics of new teams, getting used to my new bosses, and also juggling being a Mom of 3 kids and being a Loving Wife. Maybe more on that in another post :P
I wanted to talk about this homework assignment that my two boys, 5 and 4, recently got from their preschool. It caught my attention as their preschool never assigns homework (as it should be) and this time they wanted e boys to each do a 2D or 3D image of a sea creature, in line with the theme "sea creatures".
My older son, who doesn't like art much, distractedly told me he wanted to draw a crab when I asked him multiple times what sea creature he wanted to draw (he can be quite decisive). Then when I gave him a blank sheet of paper and paint, he immediately started covering it with dark blue. Then before it quite dried, he selected orange and yellow, and drew a rough oval, two beady eyes that were too big, and then four legs on each side with quick short brush strokes. Then he ran off. I had actually collected a small collection of sea shells from an earlier time when we were at Pasir Ris beach (that place has lots of sea shells unlike East Coast) and I asked my maid to get it out. I also went around my HDB estate scouting for some soil. Turns out someone had discarded a large potted plant in the community garden near my house, and I got a bucket and scooped in a fair amount of reddish-brown clayey soil. From their art class, I got the idea to mix the soil with glue, and then I smeared it along the bottom of the painting, to simulate the sea bed. Then I wanted to glue each shell on. However, it was already very late when I smeared the soil so I told my boy let's paste the shells tomorrow morning. But he insisted on doing it before bed and you know what he did? He just took each shell and pressed it into the soil mixture, and it somehow stuck! And he went on pressing them randomly until he finished pasting everything, and then he ran off. I looked at the finished art piece and chuckled to myself. It somehow portrayed the image of a crab scuttling very quickly to the side, and it was so reminiscent of how my own boy is like in real life, always moving, running, never resting (unless you give him some kind of screen).
My younger boy is a different matter - he wanted to paint a jellyfish, and when I gave him his paper, he kept painting over and over the same spot until the paper broke through with all the watery paint. And we had to do it over and over again. In the end, it was his first jellyfish (which he did without putting much effort in) that looked semi-presentable and which I brought to their school. The strange thing is, the older son's art looked better than the younger one's.
It shows their different personalities - the older one likes things fast, speed, and he doesn't waste time on things he doesn't like very much. The younger one is very painstaking in his art which reflects his perfectionist personality.
How interesting what an art exercise can reveal.
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