Hello!
I have finished reading 2 books - The Time Travellor's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger and Till We Have Faces by CS Lewis. These were books I borrowed recently from the Tampines Library. My verdict is: Time Travellor's Wife was a pointless book. I shouldn't have wasted my time on it, except for the fact that a well-respected friend of mine highly recommended it, together with his wife. Both said they cried at the end, and this friend of mine was a guy's guy. In the end, the book was so repetitive, the plot was so thin, and the characters so unmemorable and so myopically into each other and noone else (yuck), that I do not empathise at all with the characters and wonder how this book ever made it to the bestseller's list. The only redeeming point was that the 2 characters ended up waiting for each other their whole lives, even though one died. So, it's kinda touching, although as i said, I can't see what they see in each other. Both characters are very one-dimensional. THe only trait I can tell is their inloved-ness in each other. Bleah...
The other book, Till We Have Faces, is so much more promising. The plot is a Greek classical story, and has elements of the Arthurian age - sword fights, wars, sacrifices of pretty women to the gods to alleviate bad weather, falling in love with someone who is noble and true and honest, but the really interesting twist to this whole story is that it explores the fate of someone who is an ugly girl. In fact, the whole story is narrated from the point of view of this girl, who is sister to 2 really pretty sisters. It is an interesting situation, and how she is treated by all the men, even her own father. And how her love for her sister eventually drives her to do a crazy thing, and how she buried all these hurts and tormented doubts deep in her heart, but learnt a lot of skills and eventually became a ruler of the country, and how she is loveless all her life. It is bittersweet.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Capitalism and the rising cost of living
Today as I was riding in the car on my way home with my hubby, he said his life wasn't fun enough, and I mused that I never felt that way. He asked me how I had fun, and I said I have fun thinking about my day, reflecting on perhaps the sermon that was preached on Sunday, and the friends I met, the conversations we had, what went wrong at work and how I can solve it... and all these things are fun to me.
I started talking about how I really am annoyed by capitalism, which causes the widening income-gap divide, and the rising cost of living in Singapore now (people now find it hard to afford HDB flats, cars, and I am sure the price of food, transport, movies, everything is just more steep now). A colleague in his late 40s/early 50s told me life used to be so much slower in the past, and people with a civil service job could afford a lot of things. I guess it's still true today. But even more so in the past. People could buy more with their meagre paycheck and lead more relaxed lives. Things just didn't move so fast and there weren't so many things to have to settle.
Then I was musing today that today it is unthinkable for a couple to share a laptop. You MUST have 2 laptops, one for each. Then I thought, it wasn't that long ago that a family would only have 1 computer! And if you needed to check your email, it was once in a while, and it was a big deal, and you logged on just for a while and then logged off cos there was nothing left to check and you had better things to do. What a different world this is from now! I am sure with iPhone, soon everyone will need their own computer and iPhone! And be online all the time...
This girl I have been mentoring just blogged that she realised upon reflection that she has been leading a rather mindless, escapist life and not been giving 100% because she did before and failed, and it was fear of failure.... What a shocking revelation, and you know, it's kind of true. I have noticed that she is tend of... mediocre when she could be fabulous! It's like, she's afraid to try and give it a heroic attempt. I wonder how to get her to do so... to encourage her to be serious about something and go for it! I have no such problems. In fact, I almost give everything my best. If I gave a half-hearted effort... unless it was something i really didn't care about (even then), it just would feel too weird.
I was counselling someone not to worry about money and the future, because our security should be in God all the time, and not only when we have a huge nest egg stored away (especially not then, as money can vanish anytime), when this was one of those bizarre right-back-at-you moments, and I realised what I was mouthing applied right to me too, in terms of putting my security in God. I realised I do feel insecure sometimes, because I compare subconsciously with others, and with my own expectations of what I thought I ought to have achieved by now... but all that is just illusions and transient stuff. What matters is what God wants for me, and what God has planned for me. And I know I can count on this verse "'I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you..." and "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 Cor 2:9.
I started talking about how I really am annoyed by capitalism, which causes the widening income-gap divide, and the rising cost of living in Singapore now (people now find it hard to afford HDB flats, cars, and I am sure the price of food, transport, movies, everything is just more steep now). A colleague in his late 40s/early 50s told me life used to be so much slower in the past, and people with a civil service job could afford a lot of things. I guess it's still true today. But even more so in the past. People could buy more with their meagre paycheck and lead more relaxed lives. Things just didn't move so fast and there weren't so many things to have to settle.
Then I was musing today that today it is unthinkable for a couple to share a laptop. You MUST have 2 laptops, one for each. Then I thought, it wasn't that long ago that a family would only have 1 computer! And if you needed to check your email, it was once in a while, and it was a big deal, and you logged on just for a while and then logged off cos there was nothing left to check and you had better things to do. What a different world this is from now! I am sure with iPhone, soon everyone will need their own computer and iPhone! And be online all the time...
This girl I have been mentoring just blogged that she realised upon reflection that she has been leading a rather mindless, escapist life and not been giving 100% because she did before and failed, and it was fear of failure.... What a shocking revelation, and you know, it's kind of true. I have noticed that she is tend of... mediocre when she could be fabulous! It's like, she's afraid to try and give it a heroic attempt. I wonder how to get her to do so... to encourage her to be serious about something and go for it! I have no such problems. In fact, I almost give everything my best. If I gave a half-hearted effort... unless it was something i really didn't care about (even then), it just would feel too weird.
I was counselling someone not to worry about money and the future, because our security should be in God all the time, and not only when we have a huge nest egg stored away (especially not then, as money can vanish anytime), when this was one of those bizarre right-back-at-you moments, and I realised what I was mouthing applied right to me too, in terms of putting my security in God. I realised I do feel insecure sometimes, because I compare subconsciously with others, and with my own expectations of what I thought I ought to have achieved by now... but all that is just illusions and transient stuff. What matters is what God wants for me, and what God has planned for me. And I know I can count on this verse "'I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you..." and "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 Cor 2:9.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Mandy Moore!
Hello!
Have just watched a lovely Mandy Moore movie - Because I Said So. It is now one of my FAVOURITE MOVIES, because she looks so fresh and beautiful in every scene with her in it. She is utterly loveable in that movie, and yes, I can totally identify with the overprotective-mother and daughter-struggling-to-retain-some-control-over-her-life storyline. She is also so talented as a singer! I love her songs "Only Hope" and "Extraordinary". And I recall her movie "A Walk to Remember" brought tears to my eyes.. so I'm gonna go back and watch it when I get the chance. She is like, Winona Ryder or, Lindsey Lohan but better. She is like another Taylor Swift - a wholesome Hollywood image with some nice singalong songs :)
Have just watched a lovely Mandy Moore movie - Because I Said So. It is now one of my FAVOURITE MOVIES, because she looks so fresh and beautiful in every scene with her in it. She is utterly loveable in that movie, and yes, I can totally identify with the overprotective-mother and daughter-struggling-to-retain-some-control-over-her-life storyline. She is also so talented as a singer! I love her songs "Only Hope" and "Extraordinary". And I recall her movie "A Walk to Remember" brought tears to my eyes.. so I'm gonna go back and watch it when I get the chance. She is like, Winona Ryder or, Lindsey Lohan but better. She is like another Taylor Swift - a wholesome Hollywood image with some nice singalong songs :)
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Story Inspired by the Freshman
This is a storyline inspired by a line in the song "The Freshman" by Verve Pipe years ago. It says "we always talk of our lack in relationships."
Scene in Pulau Ubin. A girl and a guy sitting under a tree, just before the beach, in the day, looking out at sea, very relaxed and talking. They are very good friends. They joke about their lack in relationships. But nothing serious. They are now parting and saying goodbye to each other, going to join/back to the real world. They know they connected on a very real and deep level all along, in their earlier, teenage years, or through some incident, but now they have to part. But what they had would never be erased. I could almost feel the salty sea breeze, see their dangling brown legs, their hands cupping a steel mug of coffee or hot beverage, hair tousled, slightly tangled cos they are washed without conditioner, skin slightly salty and sticky, but both are healthy, relaxed, happy and intensely focused on the conversation, which has taken on a deeply personal and philosophical tone, the stuff of sharing dreams, things deep within their beings. They feel they have committed some part of themselves with each other, shared this deep part of themselves, and found a liking for each other, an easy companionship at the deepest level. It is like, both know they identify with each other in that particular area, that noone else in the world has yet been able to. Both have a carefree, noble feeling, of uprightness, of non-materialism, of easily looking for and valuing things deeper than beneath the surface, indeed, almost scoffing at things on the surface. They know the moment they open their mouths, there is instant if not almost immediate understanding, and support, and empathy. Both are brave souls. Both dare to be different.
But now they know their honeymoon period is over. Whatever it is, they must now say goodbye and enter the harsh and less than perfect world. And years later, when they meet again, they will both be successful, have the veneer of success on them, but when they glance at each other, there is that instant connection again, a tug recalling them to where they were before, and a return to reality, the core them that never changes, except God who changes people. I don’t know, would this make for a good story?
Scene in Pulau Ubin. A girl and a guy sitting under a tree, just before the beach, in the day, looking out at sea, very relaxed and talking. They are very good friends. They joke about their lack in relationships. But nothing serious. They are now parting and saying goodbye to each other, going to join/back to the real world. They know they connected on a very real and deep level all along, in their earlier, teenage years, or through some incident, but now they have to part. But what they had would never be erased. I could almost feel the salty sea breeze, see their dangling brown legs, their hands cupping a steel mug of coffee or hot beverage, hair tousled, slightly tangled cos they are washed without conditioner, skin slightly salty and sticky, but both are healthy, relaxed, happy and intensely focused on the conversation, which has taken on a deeply personal and philosophical tone, the stuff of sharing dreams, things deep within their beings. They feel they have committed some part of themselves with each other, shared this deep part of themselves, and found a liking for each other, an easy companionship at the deepest level. It is like, both know they identify with each other in that particular area, that noone else in the world has yet been able to. Both have a carefree, noble feeling, of uprightness, of non-materialism, of easily looking for and valuing things deeper than beneath the surface, indeed, almost scoffing at things on the surface. They know the moment they open their mouths, there is instant if not almost immediate understanding, and support, and empathy. Both are brave souls. Both dare to be different.
But now they know their honeymoon period is over. Whatever it is, they must now say goodbye and enter the harsh and less than perfect world. And years later, when they meet again, they will both be successful, have the veneer of success on them, but when they glance at each other, there is that instant connection again, a tug recalling them to where they were before, and a return to reality, the core them that never changes, except God who changes people. I don’t know, would this make for a good story?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Story!
This is my first attempt at typing out one of my old stories, written when I was in Sec 2. Yes, I was quite a prolific writer then, often writing about my friends, who brought me so much joy. Some of the characters are based on real friends, some are from my imagination, combined with characters plucked from books I've read. I must apologise for the Western names and setting. Back then, very few Singaporean fiction authors were around (maybe Catherine Lim and Adrian Tan? But I hadn't read any of their books yet), and my staple consisted of mostly American and British authors. So anyway, I shall be uploading parts of the story as I go along. I am hoping to transfer all of my pages into soft copy, and hopefully continue the story I left off in JC 1 and give it a proper ending :)
CHAPTER ONE
Sharon Loh gulped as she stepped into the classroom. They were receiving their Year 1 examination results that day and she already felt like she wanted to go to the toilet.
In the classroom, everyone was as rowdy as could be. Boys shouted and laughed, girls giggled and chattered excitedly. She couldn’t believe it.
“Hi!”Julie Ong, her best friend, suddenly appeared out of nowhere. “You look ghastly!”
“Of course, I almost couldn’t sleep last night worrying about my results,” Sharon said. “Why isn’t everybody nervous?”
Julie laughed at the expression on her face. “Not everyone’s like you, Ms Brainy. Now you’ve got to hear about the party. It sounds like a fireball of fun.”
After the long, hard examinations, her class was organizing a party to enjoy themselves and they were planning to make it a school celebration. Almost the whole Junior College was invited and they had even asked the school principal for permission to occupy the school compound on the day of the party. As far as Sharon knew, the principal had granted it. But she knew she wouldn’t be able to think about the party until the results were out.
Just then, Mrs Ho strode into the classroom with a huge stack of papers. Sharon gulped again.
“Good morning, Mrs Ho,” droned the class, standing up.
“Good morning, please be seated,” Mrs Ho took out a hanky to wipe her face. She was a plump lady with a bulbous nose and a warm smile, well-liked by her students. The students sat down with much scraping of chairs.
“As you know, you will be receiving your papers back today, and I will be pleased to tell you that though none in this class has got outstanding results, all of you passed and did well on the average.”
That was not what Sharon wanted to hear. A chatter rose among the students, but soon subsided when Mrs Ho started giving out the papers.
Sharon clasped her hands together and hoped. She was so nervous she could scarcely breathe.
When Julie received her paper, she shut her eyes for a second, then looked. She stared at her paper for a long time. Before Sharon could ask Julie her grades, she received hers and her heart nearly flipped. She took a long time calming herself before looking at the results.
She had an A for everything except History and Art. She heaved a sigh of relief. The weeks of studying had at least paid off. But Sharon knew she was not going to get away from a nagging session. Sharon’s parents had high expectations of her when it came to her studies.
Meanwhile, Julie was still staring at her paper. Sharon had the sudden thought that Julie had somehow scored all A’s and felt a poisonous pang of jealousy. Julie suddenly swirled around. You couldn’t imagine a wider grin.
“I can’t believe it! I scored a B for my English essay! I’m in heaven!” She flung her arms around Sharon in an impulsive hug. In fact, she looked so gleeful that Sharon could've kicked herself for being so small-minded.
Picking up Sharon’s paper, Julie gasped. “Eight As! Wow! That’s super! Congrats!” She pumped her hand enthusiastically. “Come on! Let’s celebrate!”
Gary Teo, who sat behind Sharon, giggled. He was a boy who was definitely on the round side. Giggling was one of his favourite pastimes , usually at nothing. He got along quite well with Sharon and Julie.
“Stop jumping around, you look ridiculous,” he said between giggles.
“Oh yeah, that’s because you’re jealous you can’t do that without causing a mini-earthquake,” Julie teased, still grinning her head off.
“Stupid Charlie,” Gary said quite pompously, wagging her finger at her. He called anybody whom he didn’t like Charlie. That was another of his little habits, which as usual, made no sense.
Sharon smiled at their teasings. They never got tired of it and could never spend a day without snapping a saucy remark at each other. Sharon usually joined them and ended up laughing her head off, but today… She sighed again, glancing at the offending grade sheet. All because she had been best student last year. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t have cared how may A’s she got. One of life’s ironies.
The bell rang and Mrs Ho dismissed the class. There was an air of gaiety everywhere. Students packed their books, talking with one another. Chairs were pushed in and someone cleaned the blackboard, bringing out clouds of dust.
“Lunch?” Sharon asked listlessly, dawdling over her books.
“Of course, I feel like a Botak Jone’s Supreme Pepperoni Deluxe, chicken wings, cheesy nachos, not to mention a root beer float!” Julie always developed an usual appetite when she was happy. “How about you?”
“I’m not hungry, why don’t you go first?”
“No problem, call me later ok?” Julie bounced out. Sharon smiled at her friend. She always seems so easily happy. While me, I’ve got so much and yet I’m not satisfied. I’m sick.
Feeling all the more miserable, Sharon stepped into the corridor and just started walking. I feel like I could use a Mickey Mouse right now, she thought.
“Sharon!” Someone called her from behind. She turned.It wasn’t Mickey Mouse. It was someone better. It was Winston Chia.
CHAPTER ONE
Sharon Loh gulped as she stepped into the classroom. They were receiving their Year 1 examination results that day and she already felt like she wanted to go to the toilet.
In the classroom, everyone was as rowdy as could be. Boys shouted and laughed, girls giggled and chattered excitedly. She couldn’t believe it.
“Hi!”Julie Ong, her best friend, suddenly appeared out of nowhere. “You look ghastly!”
“Of course, I almost couldn’t sleep last night worrying about my results,” Sharon said. “Why isn’t everybody nervous?”
Julie laughed at the expression on her face. “Not everyone’s like you, Ms Brainy. Now you’ve got to hear about the party. It sounds like a fireball of fun.”
After the long, hard examinations, her class was organizing a party to enjoy themselves and they were planning to make it a school celebration. Almost the whole Junior College was invited and they had even asked the school principal for permission to occupy the school compound on the day of the party. As far as Sharon knew, the principal had granted it. But she knew she wouldn’t be able to think about the party until the results were out.
Just then, Mrs Ho strode into the classroom with a huge stack of papers. Sharon gulped again.
“Good morning, Mrs Ho,” droned the class, standing up.
“Good morning, please be seated,” Mrs Ho took out a hanky to wipe her face. She was a plump lady with a bulbous nose and a warm smile, well-liked by her students. The students sat down with much scraping of chairs.
“As you know, you will be receiving your papers back today, and I will be pleased to tell you that though none in this class has got outstanding results, all of you passed and did well on the average.”
That was not what Sharon wanted to hear. A chatter rose among the students, but soon subsided when Mrs Ho started giving out the papers.
Sharon clasped her hands together and hoped. She was so nervous she could scarcely breathe.
When Julie received her paper, she shut her eyes for a second, then looked. She stared at her paper for a long time. Before Sharon could ask Julie her grades, she received hers and her heart nearly flipped. She took a long time calming herself before looking at the results.
She had an A for everything except History and Art. She heaved a sigh of relief. The weeks of studying had at least paid off. But Sharon knew she was not going to get away from a nagging session. Sharon’s parents had high expectations of her when it came to her studies.
Meanwhile, Julie was still staring at her paper. Sharon had the sudden thought that Julie had somehow scored all A’s and felt a poisonous pang of jealousy. Julie suddenly swirled around. You couldn’t imagine a wider grin.
“I can’t believe it! I scored a B for my English essay! I’m in heaven!” She flung her arms around Sharon in an impulsive hug. In fact, she looked so gleeful that Sharon could've kicked herself for being so small-minded.
Picking up Sharon’s paper, Julie gasped. “Eight As! Wow! That’s super! Congrats!” She pumped her hand enthusiastically. “Come on! Let’s celebrate!”
Gary Teo, who sat behind Sharon, giggled. He was a boy who was definitely on the round side. Giggling was one of his favourite pastimes , usually at nothing. He got along quite well with Sharon and Julie.
“Stop jumping around, you look ridiculous,” he said between giggles.
“Oh yeah, that’s because you’re jealous you can’t do that without causing a mini-earthquake,” Julie teased, still grinning her head off.
“Stupid Charlie,” Gary said quite pompously, wagging her finger at her. He called anybody whom he didn’t like Charlie. That was another of his little habits, which as usual, made no sense.
Sharon smiled at their teasings. They never got tired of it and could never spend a day without snapping a saucy remark at each other. Sharon usually joined them and ended up laughing her head off, but today… She sighed again, glancing at the offending grade sheet. All because she had been best student last year. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t have cared how may A’s she got. One of life’s ironies.
The bell rang and Mrs Ho dismissed the class. There was an air of gaiety everywhere. Students packed their books, talking with one another. Chairs were pushed in and someone cleaned the blackboard, bringing out clouds of dust.
“Lunch?” Sharon asked listlessly, dawdling over her books.
“Of course, I feel like a Botak Jone’s Supreme Pepperoni Deluxe, chicken wings, cheesy nachos, not to mention a root beer float!” Julie always developed an usual appetite when she was happy. “How about you?”
“I’m not hungry, why don’t you go first?”
“No problem, call me later ok?” Julie bounced out. Sharon smiled at her friend. She always seems so easily happy. While me, I’ve got so much and yet I’m not satisfied. I’m sick.
Feeling all the more miserable, Sharon stepped into the corridor and just started walking. I feel like I could use a Mickey Mouse right now, she thought.
“Sharon!” Someone called her from behind. She turned.It wasn’t Mickey Mouse. It was someone better. It was Winston Chia.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Snubbed!
I went to an old friend's birthday party last night. I mean a really OLD friend. We got to know each other during a French immersion programme in Sec 3, maybe the most memorable trip of my life. It was my first month-long overseas trip with a group of 15-year-olds, away from parents. It comprised a two-week stay at a French correspondant's house and another two weeks travelling around France with the other students. What heaven.
During the trip, six of us became close friends - all of us being from the "non-elite" schools. I guess you could call it selection by elimination :P Four of us formed the core group - two guys and two girls and we used to have heated, long squabbles on the train going to and from French lessons. One guy and myself were "conservatives". We believed in marriage, fidelity, filial piety, loyalty to country, etc etc . Could be our unbringing in a very Chinese school :P The other guy and girl were the complete opposite - believed in free love, cohabitation, etc etc. I shall very innovatively call these two, Liberal Guy and Liberal Girl. Myself and the other guy shall be called “Me” and Conservative Guy :) Besides the four of us, there were another two guys. One could be considered an extremely prim and proper teenager in those days. He would stuff his fingers in his ears when the guys were telling crude jokes, just to illustrate. Even myself, prudish as I was at 15 years old, was not above indulging in a few crude jokes and laughing myself silly. I shall call him Mr Prim-and-Proper. The last guy of our gang was a rich kid who was very laid back and easy-going, but didn't seem to hold very strong views, or at least if he did, didn’t put them across too strongly. He also didn’t have a chance to join us in our ideological debates as he lived on the other side of town (actually he lived in town) and didn't take the train like the rest of us (ah, the benefits of being middle-class). All 5 of us lived in the east. It was to Rich Boy's birthday dinner that I went to.
As I had caught up with Conservative Guy, Mr Prim-and-Proper and Rich Boy 1-2 months ago, one of the highlights of going to this dinner for me was that I would finally get to catch up with Liberal Girl after so many years. I had heard that she was based in another country, China? Russia? Anyway, it was some exotic country, after having left her former job to study, and that she was now leading some exciting life cycling around the world and being super fit. There is also this other little thing between me and Liberal Girl. Back during the French trip and the days taking French together, I had the nagging feeling that she didn't like me much. She was always closer to the other two guys. But I always treated her like a good friend, cos she was one of our gang which was very close. However, I realised halfway that she seemed to have a crush on Liberal Guy, with whom I made the mistake of hooking up with after the French trip. Ok ok, I was young, I was impressionable and being overseas in France with 30 other hormone-charged teenagers didn’t help. Anyway, it seemed very simple. He liked me, I didn’t mind him, so voila! The fact that our world views were as different as black and white didn't cross our minds as being a problem at all. Aah, the recklessness and optimism of youth :) But after the trip, the romantic feelings slowly turned into a strong friendship as we spent more and more time together and really got to know each other beyond the jokes and repartees. He was an intelligent, witty and good-looking guy, but it turned out he was rather needy and we didn’t quite agree what level of intimacy was appropriate at that time. I think we sort of just became good friends, and eventually split up in JC 1. I must say I didn't really mourn the passing of the relationship and after that, I had the distinct feeling that Liberal Girl felt rather sorry for Liberal Guy and thought I was being so very nasty to him and that I didn’t deserve him in the least. I believe I actually heard that from someone!
Anyway, it has been years since then, and I was quite excited to see if she had changed, what she had been up to, and whether she still held the liberal and radical views she did. She was the missing link in the puzzle of our group I wanted to piece together.
Being extremely excited, though more than an hour late (gosh, these Bukit Timah houses), I sat down quite far diagonally from her and at the first pause in conversation around the table, immediately asked her what she has been up to. But I soon realised that the feeling was mutual. The conversation went something like:
"Hi!!! So where are you now???"
"Oh, I'm in Hong Kong." Silence. She stares at me. Isn't she supposed to say more?
"Oh ya ok! I meant where are you working now?"
"A law firm." She looks at me apologetically, like waiting for me to end the conversation.
"Uh-huh" I try not to roll my eyes, "What's the name?"
"It's a British law firm, you won't know it." This was getting weird. This wasn’t supposed to turn into an interrogation, so I stay silent, knowing she would have to say the name at some point.
"It's XXYY." She finally blurts out very quickly. It's true. I couldn't remember it the next second :P
Finally she asks me, are you still at XXYY?
"Yes!" I give her quite a comprehensive run-through of where I've been since we graduated. Then I ask again "So you are a lawyer now?"
"Yeah."
"But you went somewhere to study right?"
"Ya I went to US for a while to study" This other girl chipped in "Hey, where were you were USA?? When were you there? Blah blah blah..." And the two of them started talking very animatedly together. I was completely left out cold. I waited patiently for a while, then realised they were not about to stop anytime soon. Feeling like I was in twilight zone, I turned to talked to the person on my right. The situation repeated itself another 2 more times. Every time the conversation around the table took a breather, I would ask her another question. But the moment she finished her first sentence, the girl would ask another question and the two of them would go into their two-person world. It was so unreal I wanted to make a face at Liberal Girl to say "Isn’t she rude?”. But she didn’t even glance my way.
Sometime through the dinner, I decided that it wasn't worth it. If she didn't want to fill me in the details of her life, so be it. I wasn't going to wrangle it out of her any longer. This was more painful than pulling teeth. So I relaxed and started taking an interest in this other girl sitting opposite me and the girl on my right and we started having our own conversation.
Time flew, and soon it was 1130pm. As we got up to leave, some muttering about church the next day, with phrases like "830 service", Mr Prim-and-Proper offered to send me and Liberal Girl back since we all lived in the same area. In the car, we started talking about the value of marriage (ah, some old topics die hard) and why people get married (never thought I'd ever have to answer that in my life, I mean, isn't it one of those basic things?), and what was happening with her love life, and what was happening with Prim-and-Proper. Then as we were nearing her house, she heard this French song in his car and went beserk with excitement and asked him to send her the song. Then she realized she didn’t have his email address and started saying we should exchange hp nos and emails. All three of us whipped out our hps. Then she keyed in the guy's hp no and email, sent him an sms on the spot and got out of the car. I was quite shocked. What about me? Thankfully I already had her hp no and email, but she never really gave it to me. I got them from mutual friends.
Anyway, these few incidences left me feeling rather wounded. I realised anew that she really didn't like me, having been snubbed three or four times in a night, a first in a very long time!! But as I thought it over in my head, I realized this wasn’t going to change the way I feel about her. To me, she’s still a good friend. I guess that’s what friendship is all about isn’t it? There will always be friends you treasure more than they treasure you, and instead of moping about it and blaming them, I guess I should count it fortunate that I value them so much.
During the trip, six of us became close friends - all of us being from the "non-elite" schools. I guess you could call it selection by elimination :P Four of us formed the core group - two guys and two girls and we used to have heated, long squabbles on the train going to and from French lessons. One guy and myself were "conservatives". We believed in marriage, fidelity, filial piety, loyalty to country, etc etc . Could be our unbringing in a very Chinese school :P The other guy and girl were the complete opposite - believed in free love, cohabitation, etc etc. I shall very innovatively call these two, Liberal Guy and Liberal Girl. Myself and the other guy shall be called “Me” and Conservative Guy :) Besides the four of us, there were another two guys. One could be considered an extremely prim and proper teenager in those days. He would stuff his fingers in his ears when the guys were telling crude jokes, just to illustrate. Even myself, prudish as I was at 15 years old, was not above indulging in a few crude jokes and laughing myself silly. I shall call him Mr Prim-and-Proper. The last guy of our gang was a rich kid who was very laid back and easy-going, but didn't seem to hold very strong views, or at least if he did, didn’t put them across too strongly. He also didn’t have a chance to join us in our ideological debates as he lived on the other side of town (actually he lived in town) and didn't take the train like the rest of us (ah, the benefits of being middle-class). All 5 of us lived in the east. It was to Rich Boy's birthday dinner that I went to.
As I had caught up with Conservative Guy, Mr Prim-and-Proper and Rich Boy 1-2 months ago, one of the highlights of going to this dinner for me was that I would finally get to catch up with Liberal Girl after so many years. I had heard that she was based in another country, China? Russia? Anyway, it was some exotic country, after having left her former job to study, and that she was now leading some exciting life cycling around the world and being super fit. There is also this other little thing between me and Liberal Girl. Back during the French trip and the days taking French together, I had the nagging feeling that she didn't like me much. She was always closer to the other two guys. But I always treated her like a good friend, cos she was one of our gang which was very close. However, I realised halfway that she seemed to have a crush on Liberal Guy, with whom I made the mistake of hooking up with after the French trip. Ok ok, I was young, I was impressionable and being overseas in France with 30 other hormone-charged teenagers didn’t help. Anyway, it seemed very simple. He liked me, I didn’t mind him, so voila! The fact that our world views were as different as black and white didn't cross our minds as being a problem at all. Aah, the recklessness and optimism of youth :) But after the trip, the romantic feelings slowly turned into a strong friendship as we spent more and more time together and really got to know each other beyond the jokes and repartees. He was an intelligent, witty and good-looking guy, but it turned out he was rather needy and we didn’t quite agree what level of intimacy was appropriate at that time. I think we sort of just became good friends, and eventually split up in JC 1. I must say I didn't really mourn the passing of the relationship and after that, I had the distinct feeling that Liberal Girl felt rather sorry for Liberal Guy and thought I was being so very nasty to him and that I didn’t deserve him in the least. I believe I actually heard that from someone!
Anyway, it has been years since then, and I was quite excited to see if she had changed, what she had been up to, and whether she still held the liberal and radical views she did. She was the missing link in the puzzle of our group I wanted to piece together.
Being extremely excited, though more than an hour late (gosh, these Bukit Timah houses), I sat down quite far diagonally from her and at the first pause in conversation around the table, immediately asked her what she has been up to. But I soon realised that the feeling was mutual. The conversation went something like:
"Hi!!! So where are you now???"
"Oh, I'm in Hong Kong." Silence. She stares at me. Isn't she supposed to say more?
"Oh ya ok! I meant where are you working now?"
"A law firm." She looks at me apologetically, like waiting for me to end the conversation.
"Uh-huh" I try not to roll my eyes, "What's the name?"
"It's a British law firm, you won't know it." This was getting weird. This wasn’t supposed to turn into an interrogation, so I stay silent, knowing she would have to say the name at some point.
"It's XXYY." She finally blurts out very quickly. It's true. I couldn't remember it the next second :P
Finally she asks me, are you still at XXYY?
"Yes!" I give her quite a comprehensive run-through of where I've been since we graduated. Then I ask again "So you are a lawyer now?"
"Yeah."
"But you went somewhere to study right?"
"Ya I went to US for a while to study" This other girl chipped in "Hey, where were you were USA?? When were you there? Blah blah blah..." And the two of them started talking very animatedly together. I was completely left out cold. I waited patiently for a while, then realised they were not about to stop anytime soon. Feeling like I was in twilight zone, I turned to talked to the person on my right. The situation repeated itself another 2 more times. Every time the conversation around the table took a breather, I would ask her another question. But the moment she finished her first sentence, the girl would ask another question and the two of them would go into their two-person world. It was so unreal I wanted to make a face at Liberal Girl to say "Isn’t she rude?”. But she didn’t even glance my way.
Sometime through the dinner, I decided that it wasn't worth it. If she didn't want to fill me in the details of her life, so be it. I wasn't going to wrangle it out of her any longer. This was more painful than pulling teeth. So I relaxed and started taking an interest in this other girl sitting opposite me and the girl on my right and we started having our own conversation.
Time flew, and soon it was 1130pm. As we got up to leave, some muttering about church the next day, with phrases like "830 service", Mr Prim-and-Proper offered to send me and Liberal Girl back since we all lived in the same area. In the car, we started talking about the value of marriage (ah, some old topics die hard) and why people get married (never thought I'd ever have to answer that in my life, I mean, isn't it one of those basic things?), and what was happening with her love life, and what was happening with Prim-and-Proper. Then as we were nearing her house, she heard this French song in his car and went beserk with excitement and asked him to send her the song. Then she realized she didn’t have his email address and started saying we should exchange hp nos and emails. All three of us whipped out our hps. Then she keyed in the guy's hp no and email, sent him an sms on the spot and got out of the car. I was quite shocked. What about me? Thankfully I already had her hp no and email, but she never really gave it to me. I got them from mutual friends.
Anyway, these few incidences left me feeling rather wounded. I realised anew that she really didn't like me, having been snubbed three or four times in a night, a first in a very long time!! But as I thought it over in my head, I realized this wasn’t going to change the way I feel about her. To me, she’s still a good friend. I guess that’s what friendship is all about isn’t it? There will always be friends you treasure more than they treasure you, and instead of moping about it and blaming them, I guess I should count it fortunate that I value them so much.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The Value of Rest
Ahh... I am amazed at what half a day off from work can do for me. Yesterday morning I woke up with a mysterious large lump of phlegm in my throat that I managed to get out with a loud hack. It really surprised me, as I had been feeling perfectly fine until then. Then as the rest of the day progressed, and as the pace of work picked up, I started blowing my nose more and more, and sniffling miserably as I worked.
Today I seriously contemplated taking a day off from work, but there was too much to be done, so I went to office anyway. Miraculously, I managed to finish most of the urgent things on my to-do list, and left at about 1pm to go to see a clinic near my house. But the strange thing was, the further and further I got away from office, I found myself calming down and looking forward to half a day off from work! Then i decided to pop into Tampines Library to look for a book... which resulted in my trotting around Tampines 1 bookstore and buying that Sophie Kinsella book that has been eluding me for so long :) Then I settled with a happy sigh into a restaurant called "Say Cheeze" and started reading the book, and before long, I was chuckling aloud to myself as I flipped the pages. She manages to be so funny :) If I were to ever write any fiction, I want to write funny fiction!
Anyway, as I finished with the minestrone soup and baked rice and moved on to the nice cup of coffee, I felt myself feeling better and better, and I noticed I had not blown my nose nor felt groggy and stuffy in my head in a long time. I feel perfectly fine! In fact, I feel so well, I think I'm not going to see a doctor.
And on my way home, I popped into that posh-looking Urban Write stationary store I have been so curious about and never had the time to get there before closing time, and buy a blue scrungee to replace the one I lost... And as I let myself into my home at 4 plus, I still had time to pack up the mess of clothes on the sofa, and send off a few quick emails to cell that have been outstanding (never managed to find the strength to log on after work)... Ahh.... The luxury of some time off from work :) It's magical.
Today I seriously contemplated taking a day off from work, but there was too much to be done, so I went to office anyway. Miraculously, I managed to finish most of the urgent things on my to-do list, and left at about 1pm to go to see a clinic near my house. But the strange thing was, the further and further I got away from office, I found myself calming down and looking forward to half a day off from work! Then i decided to pop into Tampines Library to look for a book... which resulted in my trotting around Tampines 1 bookstore and buying that Sophie Kinsella book that has been eluding me for so long :) Then I settled with a happy sigh into a restaurant called "Say Cheeze" and started reading the book, and before long, I was chuckling aloud to myself as I flipped the pages. She manages to be so funny :) If I were to ever write any fiction, I want to write funny fiction!
Anyway, as I finished with the minestrone soup and baked rice and moved on to the nice cup of coffee, I felt myself feeling better and better, and I noticed I had not blown my nose nor felt groggy and stuffy in my head in a long time. I feel perfectly fine! In fact, I feel so well, I think I'm not going to see a doctor.
And on my way home, I popped into that posh-looking Urban Write stationary store I have been so curious about and never had the time to get there before closing time, and buy a blue scrungee to replace the one I lost... And as I let myself into my home at 4 plus, I still had time to pack up the mess of clothes on the sofa, and send off a few quick emails to cell that have been outstanding (never managed to find the strength to log on after work)... Ahh.... The luxury of some time off from work :) It's magical.
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